Page 170 of Should Our Stars Collide

Kieran clenches his jaw. Something about that response upset him, but he doesn’t give Ash much time to dissect it.

“I’m tired of doing that.” He wrings his hands together. “It took me a very long time, but I finally admitted something to myself.”

“And what is that?”

Their eyes meet, Kieran’s filled with so much fear and hope it takes Ash’s breath away.

“I want someone else to protect me.”

Fucking hell. Talk about a low blow. The lowest of them all.

“Kieran—”

“I’m tired of having to be strong all the time,” he barrels on, sounding shaky and frustrated. “Sometimes I want to be weak. Sometimes I just want to…be. To simply exist without having to be on edge constantly.” He runs a hand across his face, then pins Ash with a serious look. “I think I just need someone in my life who wouldn’t mind taking the reins for a bit. Who would let me switch off. Someone…who actually has my best interests at heart.”

There’s nothing funny about it, but Ash almost laughs. Because this? This sounds less like a confession in a therapist’s office, and more like a relationship interview, or a dating profile excerpt, ‘I want you, but if you say yes, this is what you’ll be signing up for’.

And the most ridiculous bit? Ash would sooo love to swipe right. Hell, he’d climb a mountain and screamyesfrom the top of his lungs. The whole time Kieran was talking, his thoughts were an endless loop of: I can do that. I can be that for you. Let me be that for you.

But he can’t, not in the way Kieran deserves. It’s just wishful thinking. He feels like a fish that has never left the ocean but dreams of living a life on land. No matter how much he wants it, it’s not something he’s capable of.

“My parents got divorced when I was twelve.”

After dropping the bomb that annihilated logical reasoning, the abrupt topic change has Ash grasping at straws for a while.

“That’s not your fault either.” His brain has finally restarted.

“Not what my mum said,” Kieran says, expression pinched. “She lost it a little when my dad remarried—to someone with kids—and said it all happened because Dad couldn’t deal with having a kid like me.”

“Kieran—”

“I know, I know.” He pats the air placatingly. “Not true. I actually asked him about it a few years ago. Turns out he and mum were having issues long before I started acting out.”

It sounds rehearsed, like something Kieran knows—logically—to be the reason, but emotionally it hasn’t taken root yet.

“Do you believe him, though?”

“It doesn’t matter if I do or not,” he answers evasively. “It doesn’t change the fact that he left us, leftme, moved freaking states, and I got stuck with Mum and only saw him once every few months.” He huffs. “It’s a theme in my life; people leaving when things get rough. Mum was the same. After the divorce, she could barely stand to be aroundme, especially when I had one of my days. Not that I blame her—I can barely stand being around me sometimes. But unlike her, I can’t just leave myself behind for days without a word.”

Ash holds up a hand. “She left you alone?”

Kieran nods. “When it was too much for her, she would pack a bag and take off, usually for three or so days. Wouldn’t pick up her phone, and I had no idea where she went. I assume she stayed with friends.” He rolls his eyes when he registers Ash’s stormy expression. “We had food at home and I had pocket money, so it’s not like I was starving, okay?”

“Is that supposed to make everything sound less concerning?”

That came out angrier than he expected. But Kieran smiles, as if Ash’s indignation makes him feel validated and seen.

“You have a point.” He purses his lips. “It’s interesting; you’d think that I’d grow up to be someone clingy who always has to be around people and can’t handle being alone. But I somehow managed to swing the pendulum to the opposite extreme. I rarely ever let anyone in my life, because what’s the point if they leave anyway?”

It’s not such a mystery. In fact, it’s perfectly logical. Simple, even.

Being alone isn’t what scares him.

Beingleftalone does.

“Dawson didn’t,” Ash reminds him.

“No,” Kieran agrees, albeit hesitantly. “But he has a bad track record staying with people who hurt him.”