Page 86 of Should Our Stars Collide

Nonono, don’t get hard. Whatever you do, you can’t get hard!

He’s two seconds away from hyperventilating when Ash suddenly slides off him. He sits with his back to Kieran, shoulders in a tight line.

“I’m sorry. I never have much luck controlling my body when you’re around.”

Considering that Kieran’s body decided to betray him too, he’s not really one to talk. But he can still try.

“Maybe you should have your hormones checked.”And soshould I.

He rearranges the blankets around his lower body while Ash isn’t looking. His dick seems to have calmed down a bit, but he’s not taking any chances.

Ash chuckles. “Maybe I should.” He twists around, his smile soft and a little tired. “How are you coping, by the way?”

“With the fact that I’m currently stuck in an episode ofSupernatural?As well as you’d expect.” At least he hopes that’s what Ash is referring to, and not his sudden sexuality crisis. Clearly, he’s got it so bad he’d rather deal with reapers and witches.

“From where I’m standing, you’re doing rather well,” Ash praises. If it weren’t for that annoying, fond expression of his, Kieran would think he’s being teased again.

“It’s all true, then?” he asks, because there’s still a part of him that’s full of doubts. “No bullshit?”

“No bullshit.”

“And the other me…he knows all this?”

“We all told him. But looking at it in retrospect, he must’ve already known.” Ash grins. “He was just playing along.”

“And you said I was a terrible liar,” Kieran reminds him, feeling smug.

“You’re right, I apologize. Your deception skills are outstanding. You tricked us all.”

Kieran tries to fight a smile and fails. Somewhere down the road, the banter they have going on has started to become familiar, almost comforting in a way. He can dial the sarcasm up to the max, dish out cut-throat comments left and right, and Ash just takes it. Or, better yet, joins in. No matter how over-the-top Kieran gets, or how much his mood swings, Ash doesn’t get intimidated. He doesn’t get tired. He doesn’t leave.

For now,something inside him whispers, but he hears the message loud and clear. It settles in the pit of his stomach like a ball of lead, cold and unforgiving.

I can’t be getting used to this. I don’t even belong here.

Right. If everything goes as it’s supposed to, he’ll eventually return to his time, and his life with Ash will be…non-existent.

And in case something goes wrong, and he gets stuck here forever, Ash will start to resent him for not being the Kieran he’s so hung up on.

No matter the outcome, whatever the two of them have will be gone.

“Ash.”

“Yes?”

“I’m scared,” he confesses, the honesty shocking even himself. “What if I fuck up whatever I’m supposed to do here and never make it back? I mean, it’s alltoo much.”

Ash doesn’t have a reply ready. No ‘don’t worry, you will’ or ‘everything will turn out okay, you’ll see’. Of course not. Because he promised Kieran to always be honest.

Damn him. He could lie at least once.

“Would that be so bad?”

“Huh?”

“If you never went back, if you stayed here with us. With me…” Ash slides his hand across the mattress until their fingertips touch. “Would that really be so bad?”

Of course it fucking would!Kieran wants to yell. Where would the other him end up? In the past? And how is he expected to carry on with his life while missing two whole years of memories?