Page 116 of Should Our Stars Collide

“Right.” He lets out a humorless chuckle. “Because who wouldn’t prefer to be shacked up with their moody, painfully plain boyfriend whose idea of adventure is trying a new ice cream flavor instead of—fuck! What are you doing?!”

Ash is suddenly right in front of him, having eradicated the distance in a few swift strides. He presses Kieran against the island and closes a hand around his jaw.

“Enough,” he growls. “I’ve had enough.” His brows are pulled together in an angry frown, highlighting the blazing glare in his eyes. If it wasn’t for his hand pinning Kieran in place, that look alone would’ve done the job.

“Let go.” Kieran wiggles, but all that gets him is being pushed more firmly against the island, the sharp edge digging into the small of his back. Shit, that escalated awfully fast.

“No. Not this time,” Ash informs him, unwavering. “I’ve warned you about what would happen if you ever uttered another nasty word about yourself.”

As the memory resurfaces, Kieran’s pulse skyrockets.

“Stop fucking around.”

A sinister smile stretches Ash’s lips. “Oh, I’m not fucking around. On the contrary, I’ve finally reached my limit. I’ve let it slide way too many times. It’s time for you to learn your lesson.”

Then Kieran is being spun around like a ballerina in a music box. Ash’s voice is right in his ear, his breath on Kieran’s neck.

“Since what I’m saying is clearly not getting through that pretty head of yours, I’ll need to make you remember it another way. Bend over.”

“W-what?” He tries to look over his shoulder. Surely, Ash is joking.

Ash holds him in place with a hand to the back of his neck and repeats, “Bend. Over.”

Kieran shakes his head.

This is madness. They can’t— Ash can’t possibly?—

Kieran starts to shake. The tell-tale sign of incoming tears is burning behind his eyes, and he needs to hold onto the counter in case his knees give out. Fuck, he’s scared. Terrified.

For a short moment, he feels Ash’s grip on his neck loosen.

“Anything you want to say to me?” Ash’s voice is softer now, closer to what Kieran’s got used to. And what does he mean, is there anything Kieran wants to say?

The safeword.Right. Kieran has a safeword, for situations like this. Because this…this is what they do. In the future, this is the type of relationship they have.

There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s a game of pretend, and Kieran can call it off any second with just one word.

So why won’t he stop shaking? Why does he still feel like crying? What does he have to be scared of?

Wait, that’s…

That’s not fear, not truly. He’s not afraid of Ash. He’s not afraid of being hurt.

He fucked up, and he hates himself for it.

He did something bad, something Ash had asked him not to do. Hehurt Ash.Ash asked him to stop, and Kieran hadn’t taken him seriously. He’d been ignorant and hurt someone he…cares about.

Guilt settles in his gut with dreadful coldness, some of the tears finally spilling over. If only he could take it back and?—

Oh.

Something he’d read about after he and Ash had the talk about their ‘lifestyle’ comes back to him now. He’d wanted to do his own research to understand their dynamic better, and this was one of the things he’d come across in several resources.

This isn’t just punishment. This is a way to set himself free.

He doesn’t have to obsessively agonize over the mistakes he’s made.

He doesn’t have to worry about Ash holding a grudge against him, using it against him.