Page 36 of Should Our Stars Collide

“Uh-huh.” Kieran doesn’t try to hide his skepticism, but doesn’t press Ash further. It’s not like his job is a secret. Like any other person, he has a LinkedIn and FB profile, easily accessible to anyone.

Did the fucker actually look me up?

It should be alarming. What’s alarming is how non-alarming the possibility feels.

And anyway, he’s not going to be a hypocrite. It’s not like he didn’t look Ash up himself, although for a different reason.

“They invited me,” he answers the question. “Good timing, too. I needed a drink, anyway.”

“Does it have anything to do with your phone call earlier?”

Fuck. He forgot Ash probably overheard him. “Hey, mind your own business.”

“Sorry. You just seemed quite upset.”

Yeah, no shit. “So? What do you care?”

“I’m a caring guy.” He laughs at the face Kieran makes. “Do you wanna talk about it? I’m a good listener.”

“No. And there’s nothing to tell, anyway. Life is shit. It’s a fact. I don’t wanna be sober for it.”

“Maybe I could help.”

Jesus, this guy doesn’t know when to stop.

“You know how you can help? Get my best friend to leave his jerk of a husband. Oh wait—” He snaps his fingers and gives a mocking laugh. “You can’t. Clearly, you can’t even do your goddamn job.” He feels the bubbling of anger under his skin again, but it simmers out almost instantly, leaving him awfully cold and empty. “Fuck, forget it.” Sensing a headache forming, he rubs his temples. “It’s not like I’ve done any better on that front, so I can’t really blame you.”

Ash is quiet for a long time, but when he finally speaks, it’s in a low, soothing voice.

“Dawson’s decisions are his responsibility. That’s not on you, Kieran.”

“The fuck it isn’t!” Kieran yells, drawing the attention of a few people close by. “What kind of person can’t even save their friend from making the biggest mistake of his life?”

“You can’t save somebody from themselves, that’s like trying to stop an avalanche. It’s out of your control.” Ash doesn’t even comment on the outburst, just continues using that same, calm voice from before.

Kieran hates how well it works on settling his emotions. What an irony, considering Ash is usually the reason for his elevated blood pressure. The guy really is a walking, talking contradiction.

“Why are you even in this business, then? I thought saving people from themselves is your job.” It’s more of a jab than a question, Kieran already knows that therapy is a scam.

“Wouldn’t that be nice?” Ash laughs, but it’s a dry, strained sound. “It’s more complex than that. I can’t cut anyone’s chains for them. And neither can you.”

If that was supposed to make him feel better, it failed miserably. “So what? We just give them the tools or some shit?”

“You’re pretty good at this metaphor,” Ash says, back to teasing. At Kieran’s scathing look, he turns more serious. “Yes, you give them the tools.”

“How do you make sure they use them?”

Are they really having this conversation? Never in his life did he think he’d go down the philosophical route.

He blames Dawson for this.

“You can’t,” Ash tells him honestly. It’s the most serious Kieran’s ever seen him, and just as bizarre as seeing him laugh. “They have to choose it. That’s my job. I’m supposed to make them want to choose it.”

“Well, you suck at it,” Kieran says, hoping his stern words will mask the way his heart is currently plummeting through his stomach. No matter how skeptical he is about therapy, a part of him, as tiny as it was,secretly hoped Ash would have the answers. Something Kieran could use to save his friend.

He should’ve known better.

“Believe me, I wish I could control everything,” Ash says, letting out a short, rueful laugh. “Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. That being said, I wouldn’t worry about Dawson.”