Page 88 of Should Our Stars Collide

“Just trying to help. You have hard limits, Kieran, and I would never cross them.”

This from a man who regularly strolls through his thoughts like it'san open house.

“Can’t imagine there’s much stuff I’d be willing to do.” He used to think of himself as a fairly kinky guy, and the girls he dated reflected that. But compared to what Ash must be into, he’s basically missionary with the lights off.

“You’re freakier than you think,” Ash says matter-of-factly, then goes on before Kieran can object to that. “But to be fair, the power dynamic that we have is more practical than physical.”

“Riddles. Again.”

“Does it translate to our sex life? Absolutely. But it’s more about how we act around each other. It’s a lifestyle.”

A lifestyle. Kieran’s heard about that before. He might’ve even watched a documentary on it.

He remembers feeling properly appalled by some stuff.

“Please tell me this isn’t some fucked up master/slave dynamic. Iwill notbe licking your shoes.”

He’s not sure whether to be relieved or scared when Ash lets out a boisterous laugh.

“Your mind is amazing, always jumping to extremes.”

Okay, that means he should be relieved, right?

“You noticed I like control, yes?” Ash asks when he’s calmed down. He’s still smiling, though, the prick.

“You? No way.”

“I get…edgy. I panic if I feel out of control.”

“Funny. That’s how I feel when someone tries to control me.”

Ash licks his lips. He seems to hesitate with whatever he wants to say, which means Kieran’s not gonna like it.

“Would you believe me if I told you that’s not quite true?”

Aaand he was right. “Huh?”

“I know that what you went through as a child did a number on you.”

Kieran stiffens at the mention of his childhood. He never told Ash. He never told anyone. Logically, he knows the other him must’ve spilled the beans at some point, but it doesn’t make him panic any less.

Voice softer than before, Ash continues, “I know it made you resistant to authority. I know that you spend most of your day battling with anxiety and emotions you don’t know how to handle. I know you blow up over the supposedly smallest things because you’re so used to people constantly stepping over your boundaries. I know that you hate being told what to do.”

He leans forward, and Kieran fights the urge to move back, to safety. Away from these eyes that are too perceptive, that look at him like they hold all the secrets of his soul.

“I also know that a part of you, one that you’ve always been terrified to acknowledge, just longs for someone to take your hand and tell youexactly what to do.”

Kieran’s heart beats so fast he’s afraid it will break through his ribs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, Ash picks up on his panic instantly. He shuffles forward until he’s close enough to touch, placing a hand on Kieran’s knee.

Kieran loathes the way all the tension leaves his body at the contact, like he’s been conditioned to react that way. Like Ash is a drug he needs to function, and not someone who has the potential to completely destroy him.

“Kieran, it’s okay. I’m not taunting you. I’m not making fun of you. I’m just pointing out something you’ve suspected for a while but kept buried due to shame, and fear of being taken advantage of. It’s understandable.”

“So, what you’re saying is…you make all the decisions for me,” Kieran summarizes, barely able to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“Only the ones you’re not able, or willing, to make yourself. The ones that feel like a burden instead of giving you a sense of freedom.”