Page 176 of Should Our Stars Collide

Gabe shakes him again, violently this time. “What is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t want to hurt him.” That brings Gabe up short. “At first I thought we could have a little fun. He’s hiding so much under that tough exterior, and who would be better suited to peel the layers back and get him to open up?”

“Questionable methods, but do go on.”

“I was wrong. He doesn’t need someone to open up to, or give him one good night. He needs someone for the long haul.”

“And you’re not willing to do that?”

“I don’t think I’mcapableof doing that.”

It’s hard to explain without opening a whole new can of worms. No one knows Ash better than Gabe, but he doesn’t know everything. To his knowledge, Ash has never been in a serious relationship. Or, more accurately,serious about anyone.

He doesn’t know about the time after Ash had left home, full of renewed energy and hope that he could finally live his life on his own terms. About the men he came to like, who did like him back, but who put on the brakes very quickly when Ash’s obsessive and controlling tendencies became too much for them.

He certainly doesn’t know about Blake, who stole Ash’s naive heart so quickly and skillfully he stood no chance. Blake whose parting words left a huge, jagged scar on it; a reminder that love is not in the cards for Ash. Because it’s never just love for him. It’s not this pretty, dreamy thing most people are looking for—it’s every toxic, dangerous thought that comes with it.

“But you want to?” Gabe presses. A simple, straightforward question that can only have one of two answers.

It’s the easiest, most difficult question of all.

Silently, Ash nods.

“Then go for it. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

As if it’sthat easy.Sure, it’s easy for Gabe. He’s always loved purely, unconditionally, and without reservations. The two of them couldn’t be more different.

“But if I hurt him?—”

“Then he’ll kick your ass, and I’ll help him,” Gabe cuts in. “So will Ellis and Zeke because I’ll make them, and I don’t think Dawson will need much convincing either. And Cal will join in because he’s pretty much Dawson’s shadow. Donut might get involved too.”

“Wow. That’s…terrifying. I’ll be on my best behavior, then.”

Despite the snark, Gabe’s words do make him feel a bit better. Especially because they’re blatant proof that Kieran is not as alone as he thinks. There are people who care about him. And they would no doubt hold Ash accountable if he fucked up.

“You can’t play it safe all your life, Ash,” Gabe says softly. “Well, you can, but all you’ll achieve is arriving at death’s door safely. Not something worth putting on your resume.”

Playing it safe. That might as well be Ash’s middle name. Play it safe, make calculated choices, no hasty decisions and keep a cool head. Don’t let your feelings control you, and always be three steps ahead; be steadfast and reliable. That’s been his mantra for as long as he can remember. The tattoo on his forearm is a constant reminder in case he ever forgets: a compass pointing at the King of Swords tarot card. The card that represents everything he’s always strived to be.

Jesus Christ, he’s been living his life like a miniature version of his dad, and he didn’t fucking notice. He really should consider giving up his license.

“Okay.”

Gabe blinks. “Okay?”

“No playing it safe anymore,” Ash explains. “I’ll go all out, guns blazing.”

Gabe laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “No need to go to such extremes, don’t scare him away. You tend to come on too strong sometimes.”

“You clearly haven’t methim.” Seriously, it’s Ash who should be scared.

Gabe chuckles and pats his arm. “Go get your man.”

His man.Yeah, Ash could get used to that.

He grins, takes a gulp of the now lukewarm coffee, and dashes out.

Time to get his man.