Page 134 of Should Our Stars Collide

“If you don’t want to, just tell them you’re busy.” That’s what Kieran always tells his mum. “Let me guess, it’s complicated?”

“Something like that.”

“Uh-huh. I’m sensing a teensy bit of tension there. Does the other me know what this is about?”

“Not really.”

Huh? Seriously? In the whole two years, he hadn’t thought to ask about Ash’s origin story?

“Okay. But will you tell me?”

“You don’t need to know.”

“Excuse you?!”

The audacity of this arrogant jerk…

“What I mean is, there’s no point burdening you with my sob story.”

“Right. No point,” Kieran echoes, voice dripping with derision. “Why would there be? I’m just the guy you’re planning to marry who ‘melted your frozen heart’. No biggie.”

“Kieran—”

Moving out of his reach, Kieran sets off at a sharp pace, his focus on the road ahead. He doesn’t check if Ash is following, but he hateshow some of the tension melts off him when he hears footsteps trailing behind. He continues walking, like whether Ash follows or not is all the same to him. The silence stretches between them, thick and punishing. Yeah, tonight is ruined alright.

The silence follows them to the apartment. The lift ride is downright suffocating. Kieran feels Ash’s eyes on him, but stubbornly stares ahead, refusing to give an inch. Upstairs, a dark part of him even considers letting the apartment door swing shut in Ash’s face. He doesn’t, but the temptation lingers with a sour taste.

Inside, he toes off his shoes and heads straight for the bedroom. Tequila must sense his bad mood because she doesn’t even try to take his leg out when he passes by her. In the bedroom, he doesn’t bother peeling off his clothes, just slides right under the covers like they’re a protective cocoon and turns onto his side, away from the door.

Fuck, he hates how childish he’s being, but Ash’s words cut deep. On some level, Kieran knows he wasn’t trying to hurt him, but the fact that he didn’t consider how much the dismissal would affect him stings like hell. And it’s not just what he said; it’s the whole attitude.

They’re boyfriends.Lovers.This is supposed to be a two-way street. Why is it always Kieran being patched up, soothed, cared for? Why can’t Ash rely on him too? Why can’t he let Kieran fix something for him for once? He wants to be useful too. He wants to beneeded.For once, he wants to get a chance to help someone he… Someone he loves.

Great fucking time to have the big realization.He angrily wipes away the tear that spilled out of the corner of his eye.

Time drags. Then the door clicks shut, and a few seconds later the mattress dips. Ash doesn’t say anything, just slides under the covers and carefully settles behind him. A few beats pass before he shuffles close, pressing himself against Kieran’s back, slow and careful, like he’s unsure if he’s allowed.

Kieran stares into the dark, fighting the part of him that wants to soften immediately, to turn towards Ash’s warmth. Even when he’s angry, his body and mind still register Ash’s presence as the ultimatesign of safety.

His restraint doesn’t last. It never does when it comes to Ash.

“It’s not fair. You know everything about me, all my sob stories. You won’t let me keep anything from you. How can you expect me to be okay with being the only one in the dark?”

“I don’t expect you to be okay with it,” Ash says, sounding pained. “I just need you to understand it. There are…parts of me I don’t want you to see.”

“Again, unfair. Are you afraid I’ll pack my bags if I know?”

The lack of an answer speaks for itself. Seriously, how can someone as smart as Ash be so dumb?

Kieran wiggles until he’s on his other side. “Ever since I met you, you’ve been nothing but an annoying, perverted ass. And yet, I’m here. Do you really think there’s anything that could scare me off now?” Again, no answer. Kieran sighs. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Are you afraid they’re gonna disown you or what?”

Ash barks out a laugh. “I’d welcome that, but it’s unlikely. They care too much about appearances. Even their whole marriage is one big sham.”

It’s strange, hearing Ash speak so bitterly about something. It’s not like him, and the fact that his parents are the cause makes Kieran hate them by proxy. Shit, those are supposed to be his in-laws.

“So what is it?”

“If I don’t show up…it will be like letting them win.”