Page 185 of Should Our Stars Collide

A laugh catches in Kieran’s throat, quiet and trembling. He rolls over, rising onto his elbows to kiss Ash’s temple. Then his cheek. The corner of his mouth. Again, and again, unable to stop. Each kiss is a pulse of relief, of disbelief, of home.

He doesn’t remember being gone. But some part of him feels the shape of that absence, the shadow of something that almost went wrong. It’s enough to make this moment feel like a miracle, and he’s gonna treat it as such. As something precious and fragile. Something that can never be taken for granted.

He climbs on top of Ash and continues smooching him in earnest.

“Ow. Easy there, firecracker,” Ash mumbles, chuckling softly. His arms wrap around Kieran, keeping him there despite the complaint.

Kieran gives a watery laugh. “I love you.” A kiss. “I love you, I love you.”

That last night in Fiji, as he was falling asleep, he prayed that when he woke up, he would still get a chance to say the three words. ThatAsh would be there to receive them. Now they just pour out of him.

Ash’s sleepy expression transforms with a huge smile, and he slowly peels his eyelids open.

“Wow. What’s with the sudden—” He stills, mouth ajar. “Kieran? Are you…”

Kieran nods, summoning a shaky smile. “I’m back.”

Tension bleeds out of Ash’s body. His smile returns full force, but lasts only a moment before it falls. Something akin to regret fills his eyes.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He runs a hand over his face, which twists in apology. “This feels?—”

“I know,” Kieran’s quick to reassure him. “It’s weird. You missed me, but you miss him too.”

Guilt flashes in Ash’s eyes. Guilt and grief. “I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

It should sting, but the opposite is true. Because even though two years have passed, Kieran still remembers that niggling doubt that Ash preferred the future version of him. That he was just putting up with past Kieran for as long as he had to, waiting for the day everything would go back to normal. He remembers the jealousy and bitterness, almosthatingthe future version of himself.

So seeing Ash react like this, mourning the loss, doesn’t hurt. It feels like another love confession. Ash once told him he’d love every version of him, and this is proof he meant it.

“It’s not a goodbye,” Kieran promises, fingers sliding into Ash’s bedhead. “It’s ‘I’ll see you in two years, right here, like this’. Believe me, I would know.”

Finally, Ash smiles, though some sadness still lingers in his features. “I feel bad for him. I mean, the lengths he’ll have to go to so I get my head out of my ass.”

“Yeah, that was a doozy,” Kieran admits, grateful that shit is behind him. “On the other hand, you had to go through the same thing with me.Twice.We can consider it payback.”

“I prefer calling it ‘balancing the scales’.” He brings his hands toKieran’s face, just cradling it reverently. “Where have you been?”

“I never left. At least, I don’t think I did. The last thing I remember is riding you into oblivion in Fiji, then praying everything would be okay once I woke up.” He turns his head to press a kiss into Ash’s palm. “And it is.”

Ash makes a wounded sound and draws Kieran in to take his lips in a heart-shatteringly tender kiss. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he murmurs, mouths still brushing. “You must’ve been so anxious, just waiting for it to happen and having no way of stopping it.”

Of course Ash would notice. Kieran wasn’t exactly subtle when making the videos. His anxiety was through the roof every time he sat down to record one.

“You keep telling me how brave and smart I am. I wanted to give myself—well, my younger self—a chance to prove it.”

“So now you believe me?”

“I have to, don’t I?” Kieran shuffles until he can rest his head on Ash’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. “Thanks for not giving up on me, even when I kept pushing you away.”

“You’re never getting rid of me.”

Kieran hums happily, rubbing his face into Ash’s chest. Jesus, he’s like a damn cat. Good thing that Ash likes cats.

Kieran just lies there on top of him, letting Ash stroke his back, reveling in the knowledge that he gets to have this. Forever. The hardest part is over, all his fears gone. Well, most of them. He’s generally an anxious person, so some dumb shit will always make him worry. For now, though, things couldn’t be more perfect.

Actually…

“Hey, Ash?”