Page 47 of Should Our Stars Collide

About to? That ship has sailed!

“First off, you should start making notes. You’ll need them to make and send these videos when it’s your turn. Obviously, none of the notes will come back with you when you return to your time. So just make sureto memorize as much as possible.”

At least he knows for sure he’ll be back at some point. If only he knew when. Hopefully, future Kieran will tell him?—

“I’m not going to tell you when you’ll be back.”What. A. Dick.“I don’t want you to hang onto it and miss what’s actually important. And I won’t do anything that hasn’t been done by the version of us who sent these exact same videos to me. If you just do things the same way I did, everything will work out.”

“Uh-huh. No pressure.”

“Now, I’ll cover some basics, so you’re not left high and dry.”

“How considerate of you.”

“Okay, like a band-aid.”Kieran the Dick spreads his arms theatrically.“We are dating Ash Cleaver. We live together and have a cat named Tequila. She hates you, by the way.”

The phone hits the floor.

“Oh. My. God.”

This can’t be happening. It just can’t, plain and simple. Even if there was a universe where Kieran switched teams, he’d go for someone like, fuck, Chris Evans. Jake Gyllenhaal. Hell, he’d go for Gabe first. NotAsh.

Turning wide eyes to Ash, he stares. Ash stares back, his eyes…switching color again. Great. Because this is not disturbing enough.

“Wow. That hurts my feelings, you know?” Ash says, bending down to pick the phone up. He props it on his thigh—his very naked, very hairy thigh.

“That’s not all,”the recorded voice carries over.“We get our ass railed on the regular, and you know what? We love it. It feels fucking good.”

Ash snickers.

Kieran screams. Internally. Maybe externally. Hard to say. He’s pretty sure he checked out a while ago.

So this is what an out-of-body experience feels like.

“FYI, realizing you’re into dick is just the beginning. You’ll learnthings that will be hard to believe and it’s okay to freak out. You will, because I did, but you’ll come around.”

“Fat fucking chance.”

“Moving on.”Kieran the Dick claps his palms together.“Dawson and Cal are still together, and they’re happy. Dawson is happy, okay? So chill, and stop planning homicide. Also, they renewed their vows and changed their names to Mr. and Mr. Winters. Lame, I know.

“Ellis and Gabe are still a thing. And when I say thing, I mean attached at the hip. It’s disgusting. And yes, Gabe forces us to double, or triple, date. It’s as bad as it sounds.”

“I wanna go home.”

“You can tell them about what’s happening. They’ll believe you.”

“Only a crazy person would believe this.”

“Speaking of crazy, you might wanna pay Zeke a visit. You know, since he’s the one who got you into this mess.”

“What?!” Kieran yelps, Ash chiming in with a much calmer, “Zeke did what?”

“Remember how he gave you a reading and threatened to perform a love spell? Yeah, well…”

“Are you telling me he’s a fucking witch?!” Kieran yells, while Ash wonders, “A love spell?”

Okay, Kieran might be able to get behind time travel. That’s science, you know? Advanced science, but still science. Not freaking magic.

“Correct. Except he didn’t know it back then, he just liked to play with candles and shit.”