Page 93 of Free Fall

When I left West Virginia, I also left the concept of accumulation behind. More for the sake of lack of space than out of any decision to try to save the planet or anything. Dan has more stuff in his van than I own, despite his lifestyle seeming much more on the fringes.

“Don’t worry, I will,” I say, laughing a little when she slaps my arm gently.

“I really do appreciate you staying here to look after my brats.” She gazes around sorrowfully. “I said goodbye to them all this morning because I knew they’d hide when it was time to go, but I wish I could give them all one last kiss.”

“I’ll give them one for you.”

She grins, and it makes her wrinkles stand out in a wonderful way. “Thank you. And, I have to say, I’m glad it’s you here. As much as I thought it would solve a few of Dan’s financial problems to move in, the cats really do hate him.”

I laugh.

“Which maybe isn’t a problem in terms of keeping them fed and watered, but if something happens and one of them needs to go to the vet, Dan would have a hell of a time getting them in their travel crates.”

“I’m not sure I’ll have it much easier if it comes to that, but I’ll totally give them loads of love every day, I promise.”

“That’s another thing Dan wouldn’t give them. He’s not a fan.” She eyes me speculatively. “Speaking of Dan…”

I brace myself. I’ve suspected for some time that Peggy Jo is curious about our situation and that getting information outof Dan about us is probably as useless as digging for coal in a played-out mine.

“Does he treat you right?”

“Of course.” I’m surprised she needs to ask that. She knows him plenty well to know he’d never mistreat anyone, much less someone he cares about, and I think she knows he cares about me.

“It’s not that I think he wouldn’t want to, but sometimes Dan is…” Peggy Jo sighs, turns sideways on the sofa, and faces me more fully. “Dan is so used to being alone in the world, he doesn’t always consider how things affect other people who care about him.”

“Yeah,” I say, smiling and hoping to hide my raw vulnerability.

“Dan is a good man,” she says, like I might not know. “I’ve grown to love him as my own.”

She rolls her eyes. “Of coursehedidn’t come to see me off today, but I’m not too surprised by that. He struggles with goodbyes. He typically sees it as abandonment.”

“He doesn’t seem to think you’re abandoning him. If anything, he seems—” I bite off the end of my words.

“Glad I’m going?” she says with a laugh. “Oh, there’s a part of him that is most definitely glad I won’t be around for the big climb. The pressure of knowing someone down on the ground cares about him is…well, not necessarily too much for him, but he feels it’s a burden. Which brings me back to you…”

“You worry I might be a burden to him?”

“I struggle with my own feelings about this part of who Dan is,” Peggy Jo says, frowning out the massive windows at the big lawn. “I admire his drive, his athleticism, his bravery, and his determination. I spray about him constantly—”

“Spray?”

“Climber slang for bragging,” she clarifies. “He’ll never spray about himself, and he isolates so much from the community that very few will spray on his behalf. Which leaves me and Rye for the most part doing the bragging about his various accomplishments.”

“He doesn’t want people to know what he’s done?” That seems odd to me because I get the impression Dan is very proud of what he can and will do.

“It’s not that he doesn’t want them to know, so much as that’s not why he does it. Public accolades or external validation doesn’t play into his motivations. It’s internal for him.”

“But why? What’s he got to prove to himself?”

“I’ve been trying to understand that for years. How are you handling that aspect of who Dan is? Emotionally, I mean. You alright?”

I clear my throat and chew on my lower lip, trying to think of how to answer. “I try not to think about the free solo too much. He showed me his plans the other day. I asked to see them, and he explained the…the pitches?”

She nods.

“He explained the pitches to me, and I believe it’s safe to climb it all with ropes—barring things like rockfalls or freak accidents. Challenging, yeah, and maybe you bust your knee on a fall or whatever, but not deadly. Without ropes, though…”

“Without ropes reduces the room for mistakes to zero.”