Page 117 of Free Fall

I nod. Because I can’t speak. I can’t say the words—he’s my boyfriend, the man I love.

And I can’t bear to ask if he’s dead.

I slump down to the ground, staring at the cold, gray rock of El Capitan, focusing on the Heart Formation. I clutch my chest, feeling the pounding of my own heart, and I wait.

The sound of helicopters and sirens lifts into the air.

Tears run down my face, the heat of them turning cold in the cool morning air. I think of Dan the night before, his warmth, his strength, his declarations. I think of the future he wants for us—the adventure, the stupid virtuous poverty, the love-enhanced, giddy dream of it. I think of his fingers on my skin and his mouth on mine.

The Heart Formation looms.

My heart continues to beat.

But does his?