Page 41 of Free Fall

“Oh? I crossed lines another way?” He frowns. “I’ve been known to do that. Say the wrong thing. Accidentally be a dick.”

“It’s not what you said, or that you’re kind of a dick—”

He laughs, and my heart stumbles over the wide spread of his mouth gleaming across the bottom of his face. Christ, he’s handsome, and my body really wants to respond to him the way it has the times we’ve been together before. But the worrying part is that myheartwants to respond too. His smile is endearing and special, and I can easily get used to it and start to want it every day.

“So, what is it then?” He sounds genuinely curious and not at all defensive. An open mind waiting to hear his crime.

“I didn’t even know I might have a boundary like this, but…” I clear my throat and pick at my thumbnail nervously. “I’m not judging you. I know we were just hooking up, and that’s all it was ever supposed to be, but…” I meet his steady gaze and feel something inside me unlock. Words spill out. “I heard some other climbers talking about you, saying you’re planning on free…what did they call it? Free…you know, going up El Cap without ropes.”

“Free soloing,” Dan says calmly, like I haven’t just said that folks are saying he’s on a suicide mission. No denial. No wince.

“Yeah. That you’re going to free solo El Cap.”

He nods, and his expression doesn’t change much. “That bothers you?”

“Yeah. It does.” I tug my hair out of the ponytail restlessly and let the cool cascade of it hide my face a little as I go on. “Maybe it shouldn’t. I mean, we’re just fucking, right?”

Dan shrugs. “We don’t have to just fuck.”

My throat clicks as I swallow again. I wish I had thought to bring another glass of water to the table with me. I could use a sip right now.

“You’d want to move past just hooking up?”

“If you do, sure. Do you want to?”

It’s tempting. Horribly tempting. “I don’t know? That might make it worse.”

“How?”

“Look, these climbers that were gossiping about your plans, they didn’t seem to think—” How am I supposed to say this to his face? “They thought you might fall.”

“Ah, ofcoursethey think that.” Dan sits back and kicks his legs out to the side, crossing them at the ankle. He looks pretty smug for a guy who’s in the midst of being rejected.

“You don’t agree?”

“I wouldn’t be training to do it if I believed a fall was inevitable, would I? I’m not suicidal. People just want to believe anythingtheyare too afraid to try is impossible.”

“But it’s not like youcan’tfall,” I say.

“It’s just not something I worry about. I don’t consider it the most likely outcome.”

“Yeah, but youdidfall, just the other day, didn’t you? I put Bactine on your scrapes, remember?” And then we’d fucked like animals; I feel dizzy again remembering it.

Dan tilts his head, the scrape on his cheek still red and evident. “Look, Doc…”

“Look what?”

“I was about to say something, but it always pisses Rye off when I say it, so I guess I shouldn’t.”

“That’s not very reassuring.”

“You’re right. I’ll go ahead, but keep in mind I’ve never had people care if I die or not, and so I don’t really get it. Falling isn’t something that scares me.”

I blink, trying to understand. “What does that mean?”

“No one gives a shit about me, and I’m used to that.”

“I give a shit about you.”