Page 100 of Free Fall
“It’s okay,” I say, and I mean it. “You don’t have to.”
I don’t share with her that Dan’s offered to take me off in his van as soon as he’s sent Heart Route. I don’t tell her how much I want to go with him.
“Sejinie!” Jeremiah yells from where he’s hanging by his knees from the hammock. “Look at me!”
“I see you, buddy!”
“I’m cool, right?”
“You’re always cool!”
He grins proudly and then does a backflip off that makes Leenie gasp, but he lands on his little knees and then claps for himself.
“Daredevil,” Leenie whispers. “Gonna give me a heart attack one day. Just you wait.”
I can relate all too well. I smile thinking of Dan. I have a daredevil of my own.
And he thinks he loves me.
Iknowhe does.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Dan
Ihang bymy fingertips and toes from the roof of the large Heart Formation in the side of El Capitan—the formation that gives the main route I’m doing its name. I’m focused entirely on levering myself up over the lip, which will put me in the next part of the climb—the straight up, vertical granite with tiny, razor-sharp finger holds. It’ll be the most dangerous part, aside from the dyno and the roof itself, because I’m not going to be able to rest from that point onward to the top. If it starts to rain, if I’ve misjudged the weather and it gets a little too humid, or too hot…
Well.
I tug myself up over the lip, and grip the sharp, narrow crimps enough to hook my toes into the good footholds I’ve located at this juncture. They were necessary to find because I do need to stop here, catch my breath, and get my wits about me before carrying on. The problem with choosing this location to mount the lip of the roof is it leaves the “safety ledge” I’ve scoped out below a few meters too far to the left if I pump out.
But it’s all a mental game. In some ways, I realized a few weeks ago, the safety ledge is holding me back in confidence with the roof. I haven’t wanted to leave the range it allows for, knowing that if I fall and land on the ledge, I’ll only be very badly hurt and not necessarily dead. In refusing to leave that area, I’ve limited myself in terms of my choice in holds starting up the next pitch.
This limit placed on my choices is a nod to the kind of caution Sejin, Rye, and Peggy Jo want me to embrace, and it’s keepingme from realizing my dream. I see that now as I rest for a long moment, cheek to rock face, breathing in and out, taking in the evergreens and the vast exposure below.
“That was sick,” Rye enthuses. “You’re such a badass, Dan. A terrifying, mind-blowing badass.”
I grunt before giving him the signal that I’m ready to come back down. The rope keeps me safe as I start the treacherous downclimb back over the lip and the roof, and even though I’m on the rope, and thus safe as houses, I still breathe a sigh of relief when I’m positioned over that ledge again. So, yeah, a security blanket. I need to ditch it entirely.
“Let’s talk risks here,” Rye says, as I draw in above him to start the pitch again. I want to run through it one last time before calling it a day. “This is the second crux of the route. What’s your plan if you start to pump out on the climb over the lip? I see you’ve got a nice place to rest there, but…” Rye bites his lip and squints up at the roof. “Maybe the thing to do, just to be safe, is—”
He looks down below where the ledge is a traverse climb less than a full pitch away. “Just take a little detour on the way up.”
“You mean extend the route to rest?”
“Yeah. I think if you go into these pitches directly after those below, the risks for a mistake, or pumping out, go up exponentially. A cozy ten-minute rest on that ledge would go a long way to alleviating that. Hell, you could stash some water and food there, enough to refuel. Take a piss off the side. That sort of thing.”
I consider it.
“There’s no reason to rush up the route,” Rye points out. “There’s no one trying to do what you’re doing, no record to beat, or even to set. This will be the first—and possibly last—free solo of Heart Route in history. You don’t have to try to beat Honnold’s time on Free Rider.”
I blink at him. How he knows that Alex Honnold’s time is currently flashing in my head as the goal to beat, I don’t know. I guess Rye knows me better than I realized. But it’s not like he’s wrong. He has a good idea. It’s one I’ve considered in the past, but written off as somehow…weak.
But it’s not weak to need food, water, and a little rest to perform your best. I know this when I’m taking a rest day from training, and I should know it on the route too.
“Yeah,” I agree. “That’s a good plan.”
Rye’s eyes light up like he hadn’t expected me to agree to it at all.