Page 5 of Free Fall

“When are you going to download that app I was telling you about?” Celli asks, nudging me with her shoulder. “It isn’t just for sex, but for, like, you know, people looking for real relationships.”

“I already did. Set up the account a month ago.” I grimace. “It’s been useless. Maybe the het side of things is different, but for the gay side, it’s just a bunch of locals getting into things I don’t want to know about.”

Gage pretends to puke, summing up my feelings eloquently.

Celli’s eyes gleam. “Oh, yeah? Who?”

I shake my head. I’m not gonna out people who aren’t ready. Not even when they’re gross guys into skeevy stuff or married men who should know better.

“You’re just in a lull right now. Summer tourists are leaving, but hey, climbing season’s starting,” Gage says, nodding his head toward the forest across the street. “Some new guys should be coming through soon.”

“Thank God.” Though I know it won’t be much more than a series of hookups. I do really miss being in a relationship. It’s been three years since I walked away from the mess that was my first love, but I still miss the way it felt to rest in Baylor’s arms or to kiss his hair and feel that he was mine. I want that again but, you know,nottoxic. I want something healthy and fun, like what Celli and Gage are growing between them, or what my parents had before…

I shut that thought off.

But whatever. If I can’t have that, then I’ll have to settle for a casual screw. It’s been almost three months since the last time anyone touched me with intent, and my entire body is ready for some mindless sex with any number of the rough and ready men passing through Yosemite Valley. Never let it be said that I’m not easy.

“But hookups won’t get you what you really want,” Celli says, frowning so earnestly that the lines in her forehead cut deep grooves. “You need to find someone who wants to be serious. Someone who wants to date you, and love you, and treat you right. Not just”—she glances toward Gage—“gag you and move on.”

“I gag a few of them too,” I say. “Don’t think I do all the work, and I hope you’re not doing all the work either.” I narrow my eyes at Gage. “She’s not, is she?”

He smirks. “I put in my time, don’t worry.”

“Good.”

Celli rolls her eyes. “Honestly, Sejin, I just want you to be happy. I can see in your eyes how much you need a man who gets you.”

“Really? In my eyes?” I chuckle. Truly, she’s so cute.

“Yes. You’re desperate for it, and—”

I blow a small raspberry, dismissing her claims. I mean, she’s right, but how embarrassing to have her point it out like that.Am I that transparent and pitiable? “Don’t worry so much, Celli. As soon as a few queer climbers show up on the scene, I’ll be too worn out from all the athletic bedroom shenanigans to want a relationship.”

I press my middle fingers and thumbs together, closing my eyes dramatically and take a deep breath. Laughing on the exhale, I say, “Until then, I just need more practice with patience.”

“And your hand.”

“I wish I had enough privacy to even make good use of that.” I groan and eye the van pulling into the parking lot. A man and a woman climb out first, and I wonder if they’re part of the Quiverfull movement because they’re certainly dedicated to popping out children if theeightexiting the vehicle are any indication.

Another van pulls up, this one full of Boy Scouts. And then a camper van, followed by a handful of trail hikers.

“This is it!” I announce, swallowing the last of my iced coffee. “Go time!”

“Promise me you’ll give that app another try,” Celli says, as we head into the coffee shop to take our positions before the next onslaught. “It’s supposed to be for people looking for relationships. Not just sex.”

I hate to burst her bubble by telling her that typically gay men don’t use apps to find relationships; they use apps to fuck. Then, if the sex is good,maybesomething else comes of it, but typically not. That’s just the way things are. Especially here in Mariposa County.

“It’s not like I deleted it,” I reassure her. “I’m just waiting for someone to reach out to me first.”

“But why? There are so many fish in the sea, Sejin. You just need to cast your line.”

“Then there’s no reason not to wait until the tide turns,” I chirp.

“I know, it’s just—”

The door bursts open, and the afternoon washes in a load of families and a handful of sweaty hikers. It’s busy enough to keep my mind and body occupied until evening when I head out to my car, take out my phone, and to my surprise, discover there’s a new notification.

Someone’s messaged me on Celli’s damn app.