Page 79 of Free Fall

I grit my teeth together. I don’t want to walk away from this, though. I’ve never wanted to know so much about anotherhuman being in my life. I’ve definitely never wanted to bang a guy over and over and over again…

Do I really have to choose?

“Well?” Peggy Jo asks. “What’s going on in that head of yours? You’re not so pretty when you frown, you know.”

“Maybe I have to let him walk.”

“Sejin?”

I nod.

She sighs. “He’s a wonderful man. Once in a lifetime.”

“So’s this climb.”

“This climb can be done next year. It’s not like there are others scoping it out. No one’s nipping at your heels trying to steal this crown away from you.”

“It’s not about that, anyway.” Though I’d be super pissed if I found out someone free soloed Heart Route before me. After the time I’ve put in? After the effort? All the planning? But even if that happens, I’d still want to do it. I’d still have to prove it to myself.

All I need is me and my own endurance up on that wall. I don’t need anyone else.

Which means I don’t need Sejin.

“I should just end it now,” I say. “Rip the Band-Aid off. Move on. Let him get his dick wet with other hot guys traveling through, andIshouldn’t get my dick wet at all until I’ve accomplished this.”

Peggy Jo doesn’t say anything to that. I get the impression she doesn’t want me to let Sejin walk, but I also know she thinks I have to if I’m really going to send Heart Route this year. I’ve lost too much time already on him. Sixty-nine represents great sex but terrible odds, and I’m not suicidal.

“Alright. I’m going to end it now,” I say as she pulls into Martin and Leenie’s driveway and the house comes into focus in front of me. “I’ll tell him when he gives me my keys.”

“Right now?” she says, eyebrows doing wild things. “Right here?”

I nod.

“Isn’t that a little brutal?”

“Brutal’s good. Brutal’s final.” My heart is pounding. I feel sick. I have to do this, though. Sixty-nine percent when at this stage? It should be closer to ninety at least. I’ve got to get focused for real.

“I see.” Peggy Jo sounds stunned, but I don’t give her a chance to voice her opinion. I get out and walk toward the front door. I know Sejin said to text, but I feel like I should knock, get the keys from him, deliver the news, and get the hell out of Dodge.

I lift my hand just as the door flies open on its own. Jeremiah runs out wearing a party hat and holding a fistful of multicolored balloons. He squeezes past me, squealing with laughter, and Sejin’s right behind him.

“Dan!” He’s wearing a party hat too, there’s white and yellow icing on his face in the shape of a baby’s handprint, and his hair is down, all brightly black and messy. He’s so damn pretty I catch my breath.

“Hey!” he exclaims, a wide, amazing smile on his face as he steadies himself by grabbing my shoulders so he doesn’t run into me.

I gulp.

Holy shit.

It’s the smile.

Thesmile. The one I’ve always wanted to see directed at me. And it is. Now. Here. It’smine.That toothy grin, those upside-down moon eyes, that messy joy and affection.

It’s all mine.

He’smine.

“What—what’s going on?” I say after Sejin presses a sweet, sticky kiss to my mouth and then moves around me to chase after Jeremiah zooming around the yard with the balloons. They aren’t helium-filled, and they drop to the grass with soft bounces as Sejin tackles him and tickles his sides.