Page 87 of Free Fall

I’m alone on the wall.

*

Dan

We fuck barebacktwo more times because neither of us can believe how good it feels or that we’re actually doing it. To me, it’s probably the best feeling I’ve ever experienced outside of that brief burst of delicious victory when I’ve sent a difficult newroute without a single fall, or the first time I ever saw that special smile of Sejin’s aimed right at me.

These feelings I have when I’m inside Sejin, when he’s open to my cock and open emotionally too, are the wildest things I’ve ever experienced. I feel utterly high from them. Like I’ve licked meth off Sejin’s skin and heroin from his leaking dick and molly from his asshole. I feel like I’m going to lift up into the sky and fly, but at the same time I don’t want to stop wallowing in the earthly flesh and taste of him and the sounds of his pleasure.

I also likenot-fucking Sejin—being alone with him, reading together, cuddling, laughing, and listening to him rattle on about whatever he wants. But I am absolutelyin lovewith fucking Sejin, especially raw. I might also be in love with the way he says “Oh, fuck, I love you” when I’m plowing him so perfectly he leaks pre-cum and tears in equal measure.

And the way he clings to me when it’s over.

And the way he rides my fingers because he feels empty without my dick.

And the pulse beating in his throat, and the silky sound of his fucked-out laugh, and…ugh, so much more.

Rye was right when he said I shouldn’t do something as risky as free soloing Heart Route without letting myself truly enjoy Sejin first. I can’t imagine if the worst happened and I’d never gotten to feel this way, to experience this sloppy, messy, layer cake of emotions. Because that’s what this time with Sejin is—cake. The delicious part of life that makes the rest worth enduring.

I hadn’t been lying earlier when I said I was in love with him, though I never intended for him to know that. Now it’s out there. He thinks he loves me. I think I love him. We’re boyfriends. We fuck raw. This is a real thing that’s happening. And…well, it hits me a little belatedly that it’s kind of a lot of responsibility. I have Sejin’s body and heart in my hands.

He has mine in his.

What does it mean if I fuck up out there on Heart Route and leave him empty-handed?

I’m terrified I might only find out the answer as I’m plummeting to my death and no one wants that. Least of all me.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Sejin

“Watcha reading?” Ryeasks as he sits down across from me in Papa Bear.

I check my phone and note that I have another half-hour before I start work. Gage and Celli have the counter under control, and Pete isn’t here to try to convince me to take up any slack without pay, so I’ve got time to chat. I hold up my book—The Impossible Climbby Mark Synnott.

“Ahhh, that’s a good one for an overview of climbing. Lot of history and plenty of gossip about the assholes of the sport.” Rye smiles. “Mr. Synnott clearly had some grievances to air.”

“He dishes on a few climbers, yeah. There’s one guy he seems really careful not to be too negative about because he’s dead now, but he obviously didn’t adore him, to say the least.”

“For sure,” Rye agrees. “I know just who you’re talking about. Most of the best-of-the-best are mentioned in that book, though. It’s a nice place to start.”

There’s no mention of Dan, of course because a—he’s newer to the game, and b—he’s determined to stay out of the culture of the gig. Something I haven’t quite pried into as much as maybe I should. Mainly because I want his attention onmewhen he’s not climbing, and if he’s part of this wholething, a member of a select but still fairly thick crowd of climbers, then he’ll have a lot less time to loll around in his van with me. Or so I tell myself.

“I picked it up off Dan’s shelf,” I say. “He has a lot of books, but this one seemed like the one he’d be least likely to miss.” Iindicate the spine. “It’s not very creased. Not like the ones he goes over again and again.”

“He doesn’t know you borrowed it?”

I shrug. “He wasn’t there at the time. He’d left with Peggy Jo, and I was just hanging out on my own—”

“In his van?” Rye’s eyes take on a glitter.

“If he heads out really early, I hang out before I leave for work. You know, it takes some time to warm up from those freezing waterfall showers he likes.”

“He makes you bathe in the waterfall?” Rye hiccups a laugh. “There’s literally a shower block right there.”

“I know, I know…” I wave it off. “He likes the waterfall, and I like it too.”

“Weirdos.”