Page 111 of Free Fall

“Yes,” Sejin murmurs under his breath. “Yes, he’s absolutely batshit insane.”

But then he kisses me and strokes his hands over my cheeks, his eyes wide, and awestruck. “You really are amazing.”

“You think so?”

“Seeing you up there? Holy shit, Dan. You climbed like it was nothing, like that pillar was put there by the universe as a plaything just for you. And when you reached the top? Seeing you up there backlit by the sunrise? I don’t know. It was like you were exactly where you were supposed to be. You looked like an angel. It took my breath away. What a wonder. What a terrifying thing to do.”

“Do you really want me doing it for money? Like you told that lady?” I ask, turning back to Sejin, and throwing my arms around his neck, reeling him in for a quick kiss.

When we break apart, Sejin rubs his nose against mine and says, “I want you to be alive,reallyalive, like you were talking about last night. I want you to feel it in your bones and in your soul. If it takes free soloing to do that, then okay. And if you have to do it for free in order to feel that way about it, fine. Money isn’t everything.”

I kiss his cheek. Money isn’t everything, it’s true, but it’s a lot. And the life I lead is going to have to change before long. I was lucky to have that surprise trust fund from my biological grandfather for the last few years, but it’s almost run dry and I can’t continue on this way.

That’s a bridge to cross when I eventually come to it.

For now, I need to focus on sending Heart Route and putting my goal to bed. Then I can move on in whatever direction I want to go.

I just know, no matter what, I’m taking Sejin with me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Dan

1 day to free solo ascent

“Cheers! To AmeliaRose!”

Sejin and I clink our beer bottles together and stare up at the night sky. It’s obscured by the light and smoke from the small bonfire we built in celebration of Peggy Jo’s daughter going into labor. It’s also an anniversary of sorts, though I think I’m the only one who realizes it. It’s been exactly two months to the day since Sejin and I first hooked up. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

“You know, when I met you, I didn’t think we would ever be like this,” I say, pushing Sejin’s hair away from his neck to nuzzle in and kiss him there while he wraps his arms around me and stares up at the stars.

“Me either.”

“I thought I’d fuck you, see your smile, and be done with you. Now I have to figure out how to keep you with me all the time, even when Peggy Jo comes back. Even when I’ve sent Heart Route. Even when I get old and arthritic and can’t climb anymore.”

“You can see a day like that? A day when you don’t climb?”

“Easier than I can see a day without you.”

“Dan…” Sejin shakes his head.

“Shh,” I say. “I know. That’s too much.”

“What is it about you and me being out under the stars that makes you declare all kinds of wild things?” he asks.

“Must be the moon making me crazy.”

“Must be.” The light from the fire glows against his skin.

“What about you? Can you see a life without me?”

Sejin grows stiller than still, and suddenly I know the answer, but it’s not because he’s thinking of leaving me. It’s because he’s afraid I’ll leave him.

“I’ll send Heart Route,” I whisper. “I promise.”

“I know you will.”

“When I do? Will you be waiting for me?”