Page 60 of Free Fall
“Carried me out when I twisted my ankle a few years ago. We’re not close, but I consider him a friend. I think he probably considers me…annoying.”
Sejin laughs.
“Youknow Lowell?” I briefly wonder if they’ve fucked, but then I remember Lowell’s ex-wife, and that he very recently confirmed that, while he is open to sex with a guy, he hasn’t done that yet.
It shouldn’t have mattered anyway, except that it does. I really don’t want Sejin fucking anyone else for the time being, and some scary part of me, deep down, suggests that maybe I don’t want him fucking anyone elseeveragain. That’s a bit much, though. That part of me needs to calm the fuck down.
“I know everyone in this town at this point. Working at Papa Bear, it can’t be helped. As for Lowell, I don’tknowhim, know him. He’s just an interesting person. Hot too. And straight.”
“Maybe.”
“Oh? Interesting. I just know he’s got that scary archangel vibe going on, and if he asked me to get in his bed, I’d put out.”
I waver between enthusiastic agreement about the whole “archangel” description, and a definite spike of anxiety at the “I’d put out” comment.
“Speaking of…” Sejin hesitates and gives me a very strange look before saying, “Are you still hooking up with other guys?”
“Are you?” I ask too quickly.
His eyes widen. “No. I’ve been way too busy. But the season has officially started, there will be offers, and I just want to know—”
“No,” I blurt out. “I mean, I don’t intend to hook up with other guys right now.” Since when? And, Jesus, why? Just because Sejin’s pretty? Because the sex is great? Because of his smile? Because of the way he just talks to me like I deserve hislife story? I don’t know. But I’m not fucking anyone else if I can fuck him, that’s for sure. “I’d like it if you didn’t either.”
“Hmm,” Sejin says, considering, and my gut churns anxiously. “I’ll let you know if I change my mind, but I’m okay with agreeing to fuck only you for now. I mean, it’s not like I have a ton of spare time, and the sex we have is great. If I’m going to spend my limited free time getting laid, I might as well do it with someone I know is gonna get the job done and do it really damn well.”
“I take fucking very seriously. I won’t let you down,” I say, and it sounds ridiculous as soon as it’s out of my mouth.
Sejin laughs and puts his hand out. I take it, and I’m surprised by how cold his fingers are. Mine are warm, and he curls his in around my palm, stealing the warmth from my skin. “This isn’t a job interview, but I believe you, and I accept your proposal for a limited period of monogamy, to be renegotiated if things get unfun for either of us.”
“Limited?”
“Well, you’re just here for the season, right? Surely you don’t expect me to stay virtuous after you’ve gone?” He squeezes my hand. “Or do you agree with me that if we continue on, things are going to get real between us super-fast?”
“No, I…” I clear my throat. “I kind of just thought we’d camp out tonight, and I’d get to fuck you again soon, and that would be that. But I guess what you’re saying is that you and I are…what’s happening between us is…” I fumble.
“It’s not going to stay casual,” Sejin says firmly. “I don’t think there’s any way. I mean, look at you.” He gestures at me, and I look down. “You’re holding my hand by a fire on top of a dome you made me climb, and I’m here with you despite my fear of heights—”
“Fear of exposure,” I correct.
“And we’re talking about our lives, and we ate nachos, and…I don’t know. I just don’t think this feels casual. Though, I guess if you were someone else, and I were someone else, it might still be. But as it is…I just feel like if I keep seeing you? If I keep having sex with you, or climbing with you—”
“You’ll climb with me again?”
“Maybe. But if I do these things, I’m going to fall for you, and that’s what I told my dad. I told him you’re into danger, and your lifespan might be shorter than usual—”
“Into danger.” I snort.
“Andhetoldmea story that made me decide to go ahead and see you tonight. So, you have my dad to thank for the fact that I’m here at all.” Sejin’s hand clenches a little in mine. “Is any of what I just said a problem for you?”
I stare at his face in the light of the portable stove. The stars are tiny, glowing perforations behind him, and his hair is coming down all tumbled around his face, and I can’t imagine him not being here or missing this moment.
“No. I don’t have a problem with that at all.”
“Good, that’s good to hear.”
He leans in and kisses me. The world dissolves in a swirl of emotion I don’t understand. Feelings I’ve never had before swell and push against my skin and I murmur, “Oh, Christ,” against his lips before clenching the front of his jacket and dragging him close.
My heart pounds like it does when I try the dyno on Heart Route and miss. Falling hard and fast through space. Crash-landing into rock, solid and inescapable.