Page 30 of Free Fall

Plus, there’s the whole smile thing.

I’ve seen him cry, and grimace, and come. I’ve seen him laugh, and yawn, and smile warily, even happily, but I still haven’t gotten that purely joyful smile like I saw in his dating app photo or like I saw him give to Jeanie and those little kids at Tater Tots.

After last night, I really don’t think fucking him is going to earn me that smile, though. Powerful orgasms just seem to leave him stunned, not smiley. I’ll have to figure out another way to get it…

And I’ll fuck him a few more times too, for good measure. Because if things go wrong on Heart Route on D-day, then I’ll want to have banked plenty of magnificent orgasms like last night’s before I go. Sejin is the best source of those I’ve ever found.

So, Sejin it’ll have to be. Assuming he wants to fuck again too.

And why wouldn’t he? He’d practically sobbed in pleasure last night while I’d eaten and screwed him. No, not practically.Did.

There’s no way he’s going to be against doing this again.

I gaze at him, taking in his handsome face and gorgeous hair. Smiling at the video on his phone, he’s kind of adorable. My heart does a funny flip-flop in my chest, and I rub mybreastbone, still watching him. His lips are swollen from the blowjob, the ball gag, and the kissing last night. My cock stirs.

What is it about him that makes me so hot?

Everything.Everythingabout him from what I can tell. I even like his voice. It’s so…warm. Like a pot of maple syrup in sunshine. Kind of like his eyes. They’re a glowing brown that I’d pour over pancakes any day.

What the fuck am I thinking? Good lord. Orgasms make me dumb.

Sejin sees me watching and scoots over, showing me the screen.

“What’s VLive?” I ask, trying to get my mind off all these strange thoughts and onto the phone in Sejin’s hands. There are five Asian guys on the screen, all wearing sweats or t-shirts, and all seeming pretty hyped up about something. I can’t really say what since they aren’t, you know, speaking English. Which is pretty much the only language I know, unfortunately.

“VLive is a service that a lot of KPop idols and other celebrities use to broadcast live videos to their fans. I mainly use it to follow KPop groups, though.”

“KPop. That’s Korean pop music, right?”

“Yeah.”

I tilt my head. “Why don’t they use Facebook Live? Or Instagram?”

“Because not everything is about American companies,” Sejin says casually, eyes still on the screen. He points at one guy. “This? This is Cha Eunwoo. He isn’t my bias—um, my favorite—in this group. That’d be Moonbin.” He points at another guy. “But Cha Eunwoo is Cha Eunwoo no matter who your bias is. I mean, look at him.”

I look, and the guy’s handsome, but so is Sejin and he’s right next to me, so I’d rather look athim. But maybe I just don’t knowenough about what’s going on with the VLive thing, so I ask, “What are they talking about?”

“Not a clue. I don’t speak Korean.”

“Then why are you watching this?”

He shrugs, still smiling. “I just like seeing them talk to each other. I like the sound of their voices too. Not just the language, which I find fascinating, but also I like hearing them laugh together.”

“Mm.”

Sejin looks up. “If it’s bothering you, I could go finish watching it in my car before I head home.”

“Nah,” I say, observing the men on the screen tease, shove, poke, and talk over each other. They’re all wearing makeup, surely. Because their skin looks like it’s made of spun glass, it’s so perfect. “It’s fine.”

For some reason, I don’t want him to go yet.

It’s possible, likely even, I could get hard again and we could go another round before he heads out. I’d like that. Still, my balls are pretty sore and the rest of me is really feeling that long-ass fall from yesterday. It was a gnarly one. A real whipper. I hadn’t placed a piece of gear properly, and so it’d been nearly a full pitch’s worth of distance. The rock rash is stinging like a motherfucker now that the endorphins of sex and the oblivion of sleep have worn off. The bruises throb too.

Besides, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want him to go because I kind of like having him next to me. His skin against mine is soft, and the brush of his lightly hairy leg over mine is agreeable, and I like how he smells. His sweat, and shampoo, and the lingering odor of our cum is heady. Rye would probably be very smug about this if he could see me now, cuddled up beside Sejin, soaking in another man’s company just because I want it.

So the fuck what? I’m human, aren’t I? Not some alien. No matter what my foster families seemed to think. I deserve moments like this, don’t I?

I shove the doubts away, along with the surging mental whispers that this isn’t safe or smart, that this is a distraction. I’m not distracted. I’m just at peace. Relaxed and attracted and wallowing in corporeal comfort with another man. That’s all.