Page 40 of Free Fall
I don’t know if he means because Dan’s a climber—evident by his build and the remnants of chalk on his fingers—or if he means because Dan has shown up at my workplace to talk and is going to just…wait. Isn’t that a little stalkerish? Should I be worried?
I don’t know. I feel like I should talk with him, though. He’s not being a disturbance at least. Unlike the other people who came here to see me.
At just that moment, Jeremiah starts to sing the alphabet song at the top of his lungs, and Sarah Kate starts wailing like a banshee, and Leenie calls out, “Sejin, can we get more apple slices?”
Pete grumbles, “Does she think I opened this place to feed her kids?” But he slaps an apple onto the cutting board and next thing I know he’s handing me a plate with apple slices on it. Dan hasn’t budged, and doesn’t look like he’s going to, and I don’t actually know what I’m supposed to say or do.
“Uh, I know I was late,” I say, “but, um…” I trail off. “Could I please just take a minute to talk to him?”
Pete looks up from where he’s cutting almond butter and strawberry sandwiches into halves to put out for the to-go sales cooler and glances at Dan by the window. “For fuck’s sake, kid, get your life together and get it out of this coffee shop.”
He looks at his wristwatch. “I’ll give you ten minutes…” He glances at Dan again, and then over at Leenie. “No, twenty-five ought to do it, alright? But never say I’m hard on you. After today…” He rolls his eyes. “I’m a goddamn pushover, is what I am.”
I’m never going to agree he’s a pushover, but this is definitely kinder than I expected. I take the apple slices over to Leenie and manage not to let her pull me into a conversation. Instead, I say, “Listen, Leenie, I heard there’s going to be a free acrobaticsshow from that traveling troupe over in El Cap’s meadow this afternoon. If y’all leave now, you can make it in time.”
Her eyes light up, and I know I made the right call. She can get the kids out in the fresh air, let Jeremiah run around, and entertain them with a spectacle. I should have thought to mention it sooner, but I’d been too distracted by my runaway brain.
She starts to pack up immediately.
Jeremiah grabs my leg. “Sejinie, come with us!”
“I can’t, buddy,” I say, dropping to a crouch next to him. He shifts his hold to my neck. “I have to work.” I kiss his sweet cheek and rub our noses together. “But I’ll see you at home tonight, okay? And we’ll have a game of Candyland while Mommy has a bubble bath.”
“Yeah?” Leenie’s eyes meet mine.
“Yeah.”
“I’m holding you to that, Sejin,” she says. “I’d kill for an hour alone in the bath.”
“I know.”
I escort them out the door of the place like it’s my home or something, and after helping get Sarah Kate into her car seat and waving them off, I head back inside to face Dan.
My palms are itchy, and my tongue is dry. I decide to put it off by grabbing a glass of water for myself first, downing it quickly, and then heading into the back to check my hair and face. Pete sticks his head in, sees me brushing my hair before putting it up again, and snorts. “As bad as Celli,” he mutters, and then leaves me to it.
When I finally get the courage to go break it to Dan that I’m not going to suck his dick this weekend, or fuck his ass, or let him fuck me—woe! woe indeed!—I look a lot calmer on the outside than I feel on the inside. My stomach is knotting, my heart is beating harder than necessary, and my dick is traitorouslybuzzing with a rush of blood like I might get a half-chub just sitting down across from Dan.
I take a deep breath and watch as he closes his journal and puts it away in his small backpack. “Hi,” I say. “I’m sorry I left you hanging about our plans for Friday.”
“It’s alright. Most guys eventually leave me hanging.”
I swallow. “I guess you want to know why?”
“Actually, Doc, I was mainly just hoping I was wrong, or if I wasn’t wrong, that I could find a way to change your mind.”
“Well, maybe I want to tell you why.”
“I didn’t violate your consent or boundaries, did I?” he asks, sitting up a little straighter, concern lacing into his deep voice.
“No, of course not.”
“Good,” he says, relief washing over his features. “I’m not always great at reading people, and I try to always keep things really clear even when it’s…”
He licks his lips. They glisten and capture my attention. I remember how nice his mouth is when applied to certain sensitive places on my body, and I shift in my seat.
“Even when it’s intense.”
“No, you never crossed any lines with me. Not sexually anyway.”