Page 23 of Free Fall

I stop and consider. Are we? This has been a painfully uncomfortable conversation. Will it be like this every time I see him outside of having sex?

Probably.

My heart sinks, but then I stiffen my back.

So, what if it is? Weirdness is a foregone conclusion now. He’ll either avoid the coffee shop after this, or he won’t. If he doesn’t, then it’s clearly going to be uncomfortable, and if he does, then fine. But none of that means he and I don’t have great chemistry in bed. If we can fuck again like we did last night? Then I guess it’s worth the awkwardness later. It’s not breaking my promise to my mom if we’re just fucking, right?

Because… damn, it was good.

Like really,reallygood.

I turn back to him and smile tentatively. He frowns like he’s not satisfied by something about me or this interaction, but I don’t know what or why sincehe’sthe one who’s made it weird. “Yeah, sure.”

Rye whistles under his breath. “Must’ve been out of this world then, because shit.”

“Mommy, shit is a bad word,” Jeanie pipes up.

“Oh, your father can bite me.” Rye takes a slow breath and adds, “Thanks for telling me, Jeanie, but Mommy can say whatever he wants, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Friday?” Dan says. “Or do you work?”

“I do, but I can come over after.”

“Yeah. Do that. I’ll be waiting.”

I go back to bussing tables with my heart pounding so hard I feel dizzy. What is it about that weirdo that makes me feel like my soul is leaving my body? I don’t know.

But no way is he a seahorse. No damn way.

CHAPTER FIVE

Dan

“You blew itback there,” Rye says as soon as his ex, Andrew, pulled out of the Papa Bear parking lot with Jeanie in the back of his Subaru.

There’d been sticky, little kid kisses back and forth as Rye and Jeanie said goodbye, and Rye had teared up knowing he wouldn’t see Jeanie again until Andrew needed childcare out of him. But today’s separation hadn’t been nearly as heart-wrenching as when Rye first lost custody to Andrew and was forced to make peace with not seeing his baby every day.

I was there that first week, helping Rye set up his semi-permanent site at Upper Pines Campground. It isn’t that Rye disagrees with the court that a tent isn’t a suitable home for a small child, but the fact that Andrew insisted on making his full custodylegal and permanent, instead of just working with Rye until he could get back on his feet again, had been a betrayal of the worst sort. And, of course, Rye’s family refused to help him keep Jeanie, saying it was exactly what they’d warned him would happen when he decided to transition.

I know how much it sucks to be alone in the world without any people to call your own or have your back. It’s been sad to see the far-reaching effects of Rye’s family’s transphobia after he came out to them. Even his grandparents have abandoned him although he’d been their favorite grandchild before.

“Did you hear me?” Rye asks. “You blew it.”

“Blew what?”

“Blewit!With Sejin!”

I grimace, shaking my head. “There’s nothing to blow but his dick, and I’ll do that this weekend. He’s already agreed to it.”

Rye crosses his arms over his chest, a frown on his face. “You are so short-sighted.”

I frown too. This is bordering on a topic of conversation which Rye has already made clear upsets him—my plans to free solo Heart Route and what that means for my possible life expectancy. Why be long-sighted until I see if there’s going to be a future to see into? It really is as simple as that.

“I live for the moment.”

Rye quirks a brow. “Oh? Do you? Then what’s with these dumb rules?”