Page 70 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Travis

As I drove down the freeway away from my house, I blasted some new-style country music that was on the radio. It was cold out and the clouds blocked most of the sun, but I was determined to keep my mood up as I headed into our second to last game of the series.

“The hell is this crap?” Dad asked, looking at the stereo like it had offended him.

“Not sure.”

“It sounds like rap.”

It was hard not to laugh. “Music evolves. It’s an interesting blend.”

His derisive sound echoed my own thoughts. I had a varied taste in music, but I liked the roots of a genre. George Strait, Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, and the like. My dad would swear by even older music, but he was an old fart, so that made sense.

“Don’t you have Bluetooth in this thing?” he grumbled as he messed with the settings.

I lightly swatted his hand away. “It’s an ’07.”

“Maybe it’s time for an upgrade. ”

“An upgrade,” I laughed. “I love my car.”

“Keep the car, but upgrade it.”

“Coming from the guy who still has his ’89 Cummings.”

“But I also have a Rav-4. I’m up with the times, unlike you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“She’d love that you kept it,” he went on, serious now. “When we bought this, it was brand-spanking new. She wanted to show it off everywhere. Mostly, though, she wanted to drive it up the mountains.”

There was a fondness in his eyes as he talked about my mom. It was always there, even when it was overshadowed by sadness. That had faded over the years, but it would never go away.

“Why’d you never date after?” I asked.

He glanced at me. “Why would I want to?”

“I don’t know. Companionship. It’s a long time to be alone.”

“Like you, I don’t really mind being alone, as long as I have the people that matter to me when I need them.

Besides, there ain’t a thing in the world that could replace your mom, and I’ve never seen a point in trying.

Thing is, I don’t want anything to live in that space in my heart except my memories of the time we got together. You understand that.”

My fingers gripped the wheel, but I didn’t respond.

There was no point arguing or trying to convince him of anything.

He was my dad, and he knew me too well. I thought he probably understood the pain he’d seen in me, the anger, so I wouldn’t insult him by acting like he didn’t know what was going on.

“She was the only one I ever had,” he said, sounding lost in memory now. “Sophomore year, she transferred from Dallas. I thought she was a city girl in a pond she didn’t know how to swim in. I teased her about it.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah. I was so mean to her for a while that eventually, she slapped me across the face and stomped on my foot so hard I couldn’t run in the track meet that day. I probably fell in love with her then.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Because she hit you?”

“It took guts to do that, especially in a small town like that. She didn’t give me the time of day for months, but I kept at it, just trying to get her to talk to me.

I was a dumb kid then and didn’t realiz e my jabs had actually hurt her when she first moved.

She was in a new place where she didn’t know anybody, and there were no big buildings or city buses.

It wasn’t until I put in the effort to see who she was that she let me be her friend. ”

“How’d you do that?”

“I saw her walking home alone every day, and I was always taught to never let a girl do that. That might be outdated, but I’d still do it today if I was in those shoes again.

I walked on the other side of the street until she stopped glaring at me one day, then I started walking next to her.

When she realized I lived on the other side of town, she told me I was a creep, but she laughed about it, so I kept doing it.

Then, I got my truck and told her if she didn’t let me drive her home, I’d drive through the puddles and spray mud all over her. ”

“Oh my god, you were relentless. Surprised you didn’t get slapped a few more times.”

He shrugged. “When it’s real, you know it. I never asked her out or anything. I just wanted to make sure she got home every day. There were some guys at school who leered at her, and she was in unfamiliar territory. She’s the one who made the first move, actually.”

“She told me about that,” I recalled. “Said she kept waiting, but all you ever did was kiss her on the cheek like a friend.”

“So, she kissed me,” he said with a chuckle. “Man, I was ready to drop to one knee right then and there.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe.”

“You guys were perfect.”

He was silent, so I looked over at him. He was staring out the window, and after a minute, he returned his attention to me.

“Not always. We had some rocky times, just like everyone. Before we got married, she was pregnant.”

My eyes widened. I hadn’t heard that story before.

He just nodded, as if he could read my mind. “I proposed to her, which I guess was a mistake. She thought it was because I thought it was the right thing to do. Thing was, I’d been carrying around that ring for months already. It was fine until she lost the baby.”

“I didn’t know. ”

“We were eighteen. We weren’t ready, but we were going to be.

I was happy, regardless of how it happened.

But she got it in her head again that I was only marrying her because of the baby.

She tried to call things off. She wasn’t thinking clearly then, what with the grief and all.

That was almost it for us, but I refused to let her give it all up.

I was at her job every day when she got off, waiting to pick her up.

Sometimes, she let me drive her. Other times, I drove beside her, not giving a rat’s ass that I was holding up traffic. ”

“How’d you get through it?”

“I never gave up.”

“But...” I chewed on my lip as I pulled into the separate lot the team used. “How’d you know that was actually what she wanted? If it wasn’t, it’d make you kind of a dick. Harassment, basically.”

To my surprise, he chuckled again. “That’s the thing about love, Trav.

If you can’t see their soul through their eyes, through the things they don’t say, that’s when you should question it.

If someone refuses to give up, maybe they’re a creep, or maybe they can see more of you than you’d like to believe.

We were married for sixteen years, and even when things were hard, we looked into each other’s eyes and saw pieces of ourselves reflected in them. ”

“Not everyone gets that,” I said dismissively.

“I think everyone gets the chance. It’s just impossible to always know that’s what we’re looking at.

That slap she gave me could’ve sent me further away from her, or I could’ve retaliated and sent her further away from me.

Every choice we make holds weight, so we have to act like each one could change the trajectory of our lives. ”

I hopped out of the Jeep, unsure what else to say. My hand brushed the white paint on the door, and I thought about my mom. At the same time, I thought about Carl’s mom and that sketch of her.

It was easy to believe that there were all these intricate knots tying everything together.

Maybe it made some people feel better to know that there was more to this life, something greater than them.

Personally, I liked the idea that we had total control of it.

There was probably a middle ground in there somewhere, and maybe that was what I needed to find.

For now, though, I had a game to play, and I couldn’t let anything hold me back from giving it everything I had .

Sorry, Amir. I was winning this fucking game and the one tomorrow. He could make a different bet with himself, or better yet, he could choose to come out without leaving it up to fate. That was the best way to go through life.

*****

We won, and I was ecstatic. One more and we’d be the champions. It was different now that we were back in Atlanta. Playing on our field always felt better, plus I could go home right after the game.

I wore a big smile as I met the guys outside. Sen hugged me immediately and said congratulatory words, and Kai patted my cheek like a proud grandpa for some reason.

“Anyone starving?” I asked.

“We could eat,” Linc replied, smirking at West. He stepped closer to him and whispered something in his ear. West wrapped his arms around Linc’s waist, then kissed him firmly.

Averting my gaze, I scanned the group. My brow furrowed as I looked at each person.

“Where’s Roman?” I asked casually.

“No idea,” Kai replied. “He was here earlier.”

West threw an arm around Kai. “So, how about that food?”

Why would he leave? Had he decided he really was done? He told Tilian that there was only so much he could do—only so long he could keep trying.

Maybe some people are better as strangers.

“Yeah,” I said. “Uh, pick a place and I’ll meet you there. I have to run back to the house real quick.”

Not waiting for a response, I rushed to my Jeep. It took way too long to leave the stadium, and by the time I finally parked at the hotel, my fingers were sore from gripping the wheel.

Even though my heart was pounding like mad, I didn’t allow myself to stop until I was in front of his door.

What was I doing? Beats me, but I just knew that I wasn’t about to let this go entirely without at least talking to him.

If I was a vindictive person, I might have walked away after he sucked my dick so that he’d experience what I had ten months ago, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t stand the idea of him feeling that. It wasn’t me, and it wasn’t why I’d left him in that hotel room in Boston.

He left me first, but it was true that I hadn’t chased him. If I’d shown up at his apartment in Chicago, shown him that I was seriou s about being there for him through thick and thin, everything might have been different.

I was tired of what-ifs. I wanted to see him right now, so I was going to fucking see him.

He opened the door, and my mouth went dry just seeing him standing there. He looked confused. I was too, but I didn’t let myself dwell on it.

“Hey.”

“I told the guys I’d meet them for dinner,” I said.

“Uh, okay. Then, go.”

I hummed thoughtfully, then shook my head. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I was supposed to take you out, but I never got the chance. Dinner. Me and you.”

His eyes widened. Despite everything, I felt amused by it.

It didn’t last long, though. I still wasn’t sure what was happening here.

My foolish heart wanted to be all in, just like it did every time he stood in front of me, looking at me with expectant eyes, but I knew I had to force myself to take a minute to breathe.

“Are you up for it?” I asked.

“If you want to.”

“You were so pushy before.”

“It’s your turn.”

“Fine. We’re going to dinner.”

“Where?”

I studied his face, recognizing the uncertainty there. Trying not to let it deter me, I took a step back. “There’s a place near my house. Quaint, quiet little diner. Real homey.”

As soon as he stepped toward me, I took his chin between my fingers and dragged him closer. His breath caught, and I had to swallow hard.

“You okay?” I asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Promise?”

He sunk his fingers into my hair, gripping it tightly. “I promise.”

Abruptly, I released him so that I could breathe.

“I’ve gotta shower,” he said.

There was a smirk on his lips, which made me cock my head. When he pulled off his shirt, I watched it fall to the floor. His body was ju st as perfect as it had always been, and I was tempted to follow him into the room.

“You can be patient, right?” he asked.

He said it was my turn, but he was clearly still trying to challenge me. I should have expected it. “No, I’m starving.”

He shrugged. “You can wait in here.”

I walked inside, keeping my distance from him. With a wink, he continued toward the bathroom. I heard the door lock, and I dropped into a chair. My heart was racing with a mixture of fear and excitement.

I had to be honest with myself, though. There was a lot that could stop us. Jumping right in was a mistake we’d made before, and I’d be a damn fool if I let us fall into that again. At the very least, we had to have some real conversations.

Could we see ourselves reflected in each other’s eyes like my dad said? Maybe. Or we might be beating a dead horse, dragging out the inevitable when we should’ve allowed it to fade away into the past.

Getting to my feet, I walked out the door.