Page 21 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Roman

I didn’t eat again last night. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. Things with Travis were just weird, and I was too much of a coward to deal with it.

We’d been okay and were talking more—laughing, even.

Then, it would get awkward. Either he said something that made me snap or I tried to make conversation and screwed it up somehow.

He didn’t want to answer my question yesterday, which was fine and it was his right, but I found myself wanting to ask again.

We weren’t friends. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want to be. We interacted like it sometimes, but I couldn’t forget that.

It was late morning, but I didn’t feel like I’d slept at all. Apparently, that wasn’t unique to my own bed. Once Tessa left my room, I began to toss and turn endlessly.

God, if this was happening because I was lonely or something, I’d never sleep again.

I’d only slept in a bed with Irene when we were dating.

It was weird, but she got offended the first time I tried to go home after we had sex, so I just stayed after that.

I was relieved when we broke up after six months.

We were on and off after that, but we were only together for weeks at a time .

Thinking about it now, I was glad that I hadn’t rekindled anything before I left.

I didn’t even like her, but I didn’t want to look for someone else and spend the time getting to know them.

I went to her when I had to, when I needed to try to get myself back on track.

It just pushed me into a deeper depression every time we were together.

Maybe I just needed to be alone. I couldn’t screw up if I didn’t have anything romantic or sexual. As long as I had friends, my life could be great. I wasn’t sure if I had those, though. The last time we hung out, I walked out because I couldn’t stand being around them.

Fuck, I really was alone.

Staring at the ceiling wasn’t helping my mood, so I took a long shower, then dressed in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Technically, I was on winter break, so I was going to chill when I had the chance.

It was getting less awkward to walk out of my room, which was a relief. There were a couple times when I stared at the door for a long time before I decided to do it. Today, it just felt like waking up and going about my day.

There was coffee in the pot, but it was cold, so I poured it into a glass and added some ice. Looking out of the window above the sink, I saw Travis playing catch with Tessa. That dog had the best life. There was never a dull moment around this guy.

He fake threw the ball, and Tessa turned around, but when she realized what he’d done, she charged him.

This must’ve been a regular thing because when she leapt off the ground, he caught her without missing a beat.

Aside from the games he didn’t take her to, they were always together, no matter where he went.

When I reached the end of my coffee, I realized that I’d been watching them for a while. They were mesmerizing, an unbreakable force that belonged together. The way they were in sync with each other was pure and beautiful.

Travis headed toward the house, so I quickly made another coffee, then leaned against the counter, facing away from the window. He was humming as he came in the door, and when he saw me, he swore.

“Warn a guy if you’re gonna come back from the dead.”

“I’m not dead,” I replied as I stared at an ice cube in my glass .

“Just a late sleeper, then.”

“I barely slept.”

He matched my position across from me and crossed his ankles in front of him. His white t-shirt was wet and molded to his abdomen. I’d seen him shirtless, but something about this felt more revealing. I lifted my gaze and found him watching me.

“Why didn’t you sleep?”

“I did. Some.”

“Did Tessa keep you up? She’s a bed hog.”

“Nah. I slept better when she was there.”

He hummed his acknowledgement. “Have her sleep with you.”

“I’m not gonna steal your dog.”

“Steal? You’re saving me from waking up at five when her demon energy awakens.” He whistled and Tessa charged into the house. When he lifted his hand, she stopped and sat down. “She does know how to control herself, surprisingly.”

“You never give her commands.”

“I use them for her safety and when she gives in to the monster too much. I don’t see a reason to stop her from acting like a dog if she’s not doing anything wrong. No matter how rowdy she gets, she always listens when I give her an actual instruction because she knows I’m serious if I’m doing it.”

He really was a good person. A lot of people either didn’t train their dogs well and yelled at them all the time or they kept them controlled without letting them act a little wild sometimes. Not only did I find myself wanting to know him more; I’d also begun to respect him.

Travis was a different breed, and maybe he knew it, but he acted casual about everything.

When he explained things, like the commands with Tessa or the flaw in my assertion that a gay man would hit on me, he did it with ease.

He said he had anger issues, and I’d seen that begin to flare up, but he was so in control of himself that I wanted to learn how he did it.

Words left my lips before I had a chance to think about them, and most of the time, they weren’t good.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

“Nothing.” The defensiveness in my tone made me clench my teeth. It was so automatic that I didn’t know how to keep it at bay most of the time. “Sorry. ”

“It’s cool. You’re allowed to feel things. If you would’ve called me a weak-armed troll fucker, then I would have kicked you in the dick.”

I laughed around the cup. “Is it the troll fucking or the arm that bothers you most?”

“The arm, for sure. If I’m fucking trolls, we have bigger problems. The construct of reality, for example.” His fingers tapped on the cabinet behind him as he stared past me.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

“Will you get uncomfortable if I tell you?”

I thought about it for a second. “No. I’m too curious.”

He smiled and his eyes focused again. “I don’t have enough information to determine how bad it is.

There are cave trolls, like in Lord of the Rings.

Then, you have more sapient trolls like you see in World of Warcraft.

There’s the kid’s movie with the creepy singing troll dolls from the nineties.

Let’s not forget the evil shaman trolls in Frozen. ”

“You’re a nerd,” I said as I tried to rein in my laughter. “Rate them best to worst.”

“Man, I should’ve kicked you out a few days ago.” He lifted himself onto the counter and swung his legs. “Obviously, sapient trolls are my best option.”

“Obviously.”

“The Frozen trolls are suspicious, and I’m convinced they’re the real villains, but I guess they’d be second. Then, cave trolls. I’d definitely die, but full send it. The colorful ones are horrifying, and the only saving grace is that Justin Timberlake plays one of them.”

I swiped a hand down my face, then met his eyes, which were alight with a playfulness I hadn’t seen much of when he was talking to me. If it did surface, I tried to ignore it.

“Jesus, that was jarring.”

“Why?” he asked

“I kind of forget you’re only twenty-four. You seem older, more mature and responsible. That was different.”

“Consider yourself blessed. Will I ever see your youthful side, or will you always act like an old man who yells and shakes his cane at kids who walk on his grass? ”

“I resent that question. I wouldn’t have grass. It doesn’t have any ecological benefit. Clover is prettier, less work, and contributes to the environment.”

“I didn’t take you to be eco-conscious, Roman.”

“You can’t really take me to be anything. You hardly know me.”

“True.”

He hopped down from the counter and stretched his arms above his head, which made his shirt lift enough for me to see the curve of his pelvis. I took slow breaths, trying to force my heart rate to return to normal.

“Well,” he said when he dropped his arms, “I’ve got shit to do, errands to run.”

“Don’t you have a LIVE soon?”

His brow raised along with the corner of his lips. “I do.”

“Your shit comes up on my feed,” I said dismissively.

“That tends to happen when you follow someone.” He winked and strode down the hall.

He knew that I followed him. I thought it would get lost in the rest of his notifications. If I had that many, I wouldn’t read them. Had he noticed as soon as I did it?

When he returned, he was wearing a light blue flannel. The color suited him, but I refrained from saying that.

“Feel free to get into whatever you want,” he said. “I think I have all the streaming services. I’m not really sure. I don’t watch TV.”

“You don’t watch TV?”

He shrugged and headed to the door. “It bores me.”

“Everything bores you.”

With his hand on the knob, he turned and smiled at me. It was a little too dazzling. “Nah. If something interests me, though, I’ll become obsessed and be all over it. Well, until it bores me.”

He winked, then whistled for Tessa to follow him. Once the door closed, I took my first full breath since I’d seen him in the backyard.

This wasn’t good. My heart was racing around him, his smiles made my stomach flutter, I watched him when he didn’t know I was there, and after his statement, I began to read into it. If he was interested in something, it seemed like I would know.

Of course he wasn’t fucking interested in me. It was crazy to even consider. And feeling dejected over it was completely insane.

I wasn’t interested in him either .

Two more weeks here, then I would be home. He’d be a moderately fond memory, and I’d go back to my life—whatever there was to go back to.

Where was he going today? Why was he wearing a nice flannel that made him look hotter than usual?

I shook my head, hoping it would knock that thought out of it.

This wasn’t me. I didn’t want it. I didn’t fucking want it.