Page 62 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Roman

As I sat at the bar, I nursed a beer. I wasn’t trying to get drunk, but I needed something to help me relax. Our seats were incredible and gave us an amazing view. It was loud as hell, though, and I didn’t really feel like being around all the guys right now.

Not that it helped being in here. Travis was pitching this inning, and he was front and center on the TV. I could hear the crowd every time he threw the ball—the Red Sox fans cheering when their batter got a hit in, and the Braves fans doing the same when Travis struck someone out.

I was feeling pathetic today. No matter how hard I tried, his words kept repeating back to me. I don’t want anything from you .

It was a lie. At least, I wanted it to be a lie. He went back and forth, just like I did. Maybe it was a dick move to push him, yet I wanted to march onto that field right this second and push him even more.

Then, I thought about all those cameras. Declaring my feelings for him on live TV would be a poor decision for sure. Plus, the rejection would sting that much more .

Linc and Kai wanted me to keep on trucking, which seemed dumb when I thought about it rationally. When had I ever been rational, though?

Leave it alone , I told myself. He had a right to put boundaries in place, and it was disrespectful for me to push them.

“Maybe they should put Tony in,” a guy at a nearby table said.

His friend took a long swig of his beer. “Think so?”

“Last couple pitches haven’t been great. Maybe he’s losing his touch.”

The other guy laughed. “He’d better not wear out that arm just yet. We could win this thing this year.”

“I’ve got a lot of money on it,” the first man agreed.

They both blew out a sharp breath when the batter hit the ball into left field.

“Bastard. That one’s gonna hurt them.”

“They’d better use Tony next inning.”

“Shut the fuck up,” I said, staring into my beer.

I could feel their eyes on me, but I avoided looking at them. They sounded like they were drunk, and I shouldn’t have said anything at all.

“You don’t like us talking about baseball?” one of them asked.

I shrugged. “Don’t talk about what you don’t know.”

He chuckled. “We’ve been watching longer than you’ve been alive.”

“Then you should know that Tony’s arm has been shit all season. He wore it out last year, probably trying to out throw his competition.”

“He seems fine to me.”

I shook my head, signaling for the bartender to close my tab. “Watch when he pitches next. His arm stutters after a few throws, and his pitches are leaning to the left. Probably his rotator cuff. He’s on his way out, and he knows it.”

The two men looked at each other. When I got my card back, I offered them a tight smile.

“This isn’t Tony’s World Series. It’s Travis’. You can put money on that.”

For the rest of the game, I walked around inside. I listened to the roar of the crowd, unsure who they were cheering for, but I imagin ed it was him. He probably loved that. I wanted to see that wide smile on his face, but I didn’t deserve it.

Pulling out my phone, I called my mom. There were some things nobody could fix, but a mom could at least ease the ache.

“Hey, Rome,” she answered.

I walked out the door to a smoking area to escape some of the noise and took a breath of the fresh air. It was chilly out, and it was sprinkling, so I tipped my face up, letting the cold drops hit my cheeks.

“Hey,” I said. “Are you busy?”

“We’re just watching the game. We were hoping to catch you guys on the screen.”

“That would be cool.”

“You sound a little down, honey. What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, really.”

I knew she wouldn’t believe me, but what was I going to say? She worried, now more than ever. We texted every day and she was adamant about me keeping her updated if things got bad again.

I wouldn’t call them bad. They weren’t good, but I wasn’t spiraling, either.

My relationships were amazing and so was my job.

There was just this general emptiness that I felt more strongly.

But I wasn’t concerned about eventually getting through it, which was how I knew I’d grown this year.

The things in my life fulfilled me, and whether or not there was something missing, I’d learned to find happiness in myself, even when it was hard.

“You can tell me,” she said softly.

“I know, Mom. It’s not anything major, I promise. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“Want me to sing the lullaby that used to always put you to sleep?” she teased.

I chuckled as I paced. “Maybe next time.”

“Oh, he’s out!” I heard Alex shout in the background.

“They’re on the screen,” Violet said.

There was a sound of disgust from one of them. “That was a lot of tongue.”

“Tongue?” I repeated.

“Kiss cam,” Mom explained. “Brooks and Til, then those other friends of yours. The tall, wild one.”

“Ah, not surprised. ”

“Where are you at?”

“Just wandering around.”

“How’s your head?”

“Mom, I’m fine. Really.”

“Alright, if you say so. Just don’t hold things in, okay? I know it’s hard, but you have to let them out.”

“If I need to, I will.”

“Oh, Mrs. Murray wanted me to ask you if you’d draw that cow of hers.”

I laughed. “She wants me to draw a cow?”

“Yeah, it’s getting old and it’s her favorite. She said she’ll pay you.”

“Well, send me a picture of it and I’ll see what I can do.”

“I know painting isn’t your usual mode, but that would be really cool, don’t you think?”

“Maybe. When I get back to Seattle, I’ll play around with it.”

“Will you come by for dinner too?”

“Of course. I love you, Mom. I’ve gotta go.”

“I love you too, Rome. Tell everyone we said hi. And wish Travis luck for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I will.”

After hanging up, I looked around. There were some people filing out, so I assumed we were at the seventh-inning stretch.

My mom was right about something. I needed to get shit off my chest. I hadn’t said everything that needed to be said, and I wasn’t holding onto hope anymore, but for my own sanity, I had to put it all out there—all the things that went through my mind when I closed my eyes to sleep.

Otherwise, I’d always wonder if he was the one that got away.

This needed to end.

*****

As I paced in the hall, I considered my words carefully. It was likely he’d brush me off again, so I had to talk quickly. It wasn’t for him. It was for me.

Maybe a little for him, but whatever.

When the elevator dinged, I straightened. Unlike before, my heart wasn’t ramming against my chest. I felt pretty calm, actually.

A man stepped off the elevator, but his hair was dark.

“Amir,” I said, surprised .

His head cocked, and he strode over to me. “Hey there.”

“Uh, what’s up?”

He glanced down the hall, then shrugged. “Consorting with the enemy, you could say.”

I knew most of the team was on this floor, but my eyes went to Travis’ door. “Is that so?”

“What about you?”

“I’m . . . waiting for someone.”

He raised his brows with a little smile. “Is this a secret thing? I love some good gossip. Is someone keeping you on the down low?”

I rolled my lips, unsure what to say. “Who are you meeting?”

“McKinney.”

My stomach flipped, and I had to clear my throat. “Oh. Did he... ask you to meet him?”

The idea made me feel sick. Travis knew I was right down the hall. He wouldn’t do that. Would he?

“It’s not really something I should talk about.”

“Right. Okay.”

Before he could see what was happening in my head, I turned away. I hadn’t made it to my door before he caught up and started walking at my side.

“I thought you were meeting someone.”

“Changed my mind,” I muttered.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you around maybe.”

Without thinking about it, I stopped him from leaving by putting my arm out. My fingers twitched, but I held myself back. The last thing I needed was to snap on him and get sued by the Red Sox. All over a guy who didn’t want me around.

“I’m starting to think your ‘emotionally unavailable’ is more complicated than I thought,” he said.

“It’s not.” I dropped my arm and stepped back. “Sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

“Hey, far be it from me to tell you how to deal with it. I’m not exactly in my happily ever after era, either.”

When the elevator dinged again, a group of players piled out. Some of them narrowed their eyes at Amir, but most just lumbered to their rooms. Last out of the elevator was Travis, wearing a bright smile. It faltered when he saw the two of us .

“McKinney,” Amir called, smiling and tossing a wink in my direction.

Travis came over to us, somewhat reluctantly. Amir clasped his hand, pulling him into his chest. I stood there awkwardly, wanting to run to my room but not wanting to look like a coward.

“What are you doing here?” Travis asked.

Amir shrugged. “Making friends. Mallory needs a stepdad, remember?”

There was a blank look on Travis’ face and only a faint flicker behind his eyes. “I’m sure there are better places to look.”

I snorted.

Travis didn’t bother to look at me, but Amir seemed to be reading the situation. “It’s all good. I’m not there yet anyway. You know that.”

“Mhm. If you’re here to throw me off my game, it won’t work. I’m taking that win tomorrow.”

Amir grinned. “Bet you thought that today too.”

Finally, Travis’ demeanor shifted into something lighter. “I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t give y’all a couple wins. It’d be sorta pathetic.”

“Y’all.” Amir nudged me with his elbow. “I love it when he says that. I can imagine him in a cowboy hat with some Wranglers on.”

The idea of it almost made me laugh. “They call it southern charm, right?”

“Most of us aren’t charming,” Travis countered. “I’ve gotta get the bath going, otherwise I won’t be able to lead my team to victory.”

“That’s my cue to ask if I can come in,” Amir said. When Travis didn’t say anything, Amir chuckled. “Not in the bath. You got a minute?”

“Sure.”

“Cool. I need a word with Roman real quick, then I’ll be by.”

Travis lingered for a moment before he headed into his room. I caught him glancing our way as he unlocked his door.

“Don’t worry,” Amir went on when Travis was gone. “It’s not like that.”

“Wouldn’t care if it was.”

“I don’t think you’ll fool anyone with that, but you can keep trying. I just need his advice. ”

“On what?”

“So, you do care.” When I scowled at him, he waved a dismissive hand. “You don’t seem the type to blab all of my secrets. If we win, I’ve made a deal with myself.”

“Go on.”

“I’ll come out.”

My eyes widened a little. “That’s a big deal. What about if you lose?”

“I guess we’ll see what happens. Not gonna lie, Trav has been inspirational for me since I came to terms with myself, but in this line of work, it’s not always easy to be that guy, you know?”

“I get it. I’m not even fully out. Not to my dad.”

His eyes softened. “You get it, then. We don’t have the history he does, but there’s still a lot that keeps us from taking that leap. I have an ex-wife and a daughter. Aside from the team and the fans, I worry about how they’ll feel, if my ex will be resentful and want to keep Mallory from me.”

My heart ached for him. All of my previous hostility melted away, and I reached out to squeeze his bicep. “He’ll be more than happy to talk to you about it. Trust me.”

“Should I put in a good word for you?”

Using the hand on his arm, I shoved him away with a laugh. “Shut the hell up.”

“You’re right. I don’t have to put in a good word. I saw how he looked at you.”

I pursed my lips and stepped closer to my door. “Good luck. I mean it, man. Granted, I hope you lose, but that’s unrelated.”

“Thanks, Roman. Likewise, I hope you get everything you want.”

I breathed a laugh and watched him saunter down the hall. When he knocked on Travis’ door, I dipped into mine. Grabbing my drawing pad from the table, I tossed it on the bed and dropped onto my stomach. My teeth scoured the pencil as I thought about what I was going to put on paper.

It really wasn’t a hard decision.