Page 51 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Roman

Going to Travis’ house was the worst idea known to man.

As usual, I didn’t have a choice. Til was a fucking monster, and Sen wasn’t much better.

Their boyfriends spoiled the shit out of them, and I thought that had something to do with it.

Not that I found that to be a bad thing, but those were just the facts.

“Can I stay in the car?” I muttered.

“You said you weren’t scared,” Til reminded me.

“I’m not, but I don’t think he’ll be happy to see me before the first game.”

Sen chuckled. “It’s in two days, and maybe your presence doesn’t bother him at all. You seem to think he’ll care.”

I ground my teeth together and looked out the window. He wasn’t wrong. Why did I think it would matter to him?

“Shit,” Sen said.

“What?”

“Um . . . I forgot to text him that you changed your mind.”

Til cackled in the passenger seat, then gave me an apologetic look. “Did you do it on purpose? ”

“Of course not! I just didn’t think about it since Roman said he wasn’t going. He showed up out of the blue, and it didn’t give me much time, what with the plane ride, then getting the rental car, and all that.”

“I wish Brooks rode with us. He’d have a solution to this.”

“He’d want to watch it all blow up,” I countered.

“Just act casual, Roman. Don’t make it weird.”

“I’m not gonna make it fucking weird. Can you just shut up?”

He and Sen shared a look that I didn’t want to decipher, so I stretched my legs out across the back seat.

At this point, shit was going to happen however it happened.

I refused to overthink it. If things did get weird, I’d just leave—either take one of the cars or call an Uber.

I had adult money now. Not a lot, but enough that I didn’t need handouts or free bedrooms anymore.

As soon as I heard gravel under the tires, I sat up. There were a lot of cars in the driveway, which could make things better or worse. A lot of people meant less opportunities for us to interact. That was the good and the bad. Just that.

I reminded myself that this wasn’t about me and him. It wasn’t about him at all. There was a smidge of curiosity, but I came for the games. The idea of drawing a moment from each one was exciting.

“God, I love his place,” Sen said as he got out of the car.

Til looked at the house appreciatively. “You and Kai should get something like this. I can see you guys with a dog and a riding lawnmower. Oh, I bet Kai would be wearing a baby in a front pack while he does yard work.”

“A baby? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

An SUV pulled up behind us and the rest of the guys piled out. Kai clapped me on the shoulder and offered me a smile. Surprisingly, he and Linc were the ones I’d connected with the most after we started hanging out in January.

“And I’m hungry like the wolf,” West sang as we approached the house.

Linc dropped back beside me. “Will you be my boyfriend tonight? He always embarrasses me at big events.”

“I wouldn’t call this big,” I countered.

“Big enough. He’ll talk to everybody. Every single person. Then, he’ll introduce them to me. Every single person , Roman. ”

“Stop being such an introvert,” Kai teased.

“I’m happy the way I am, thank you very much.”

I laughed. “You just fucked up by dating West.”

“I heard that,” West called. “Watch it, Valdez. I’ll shove you right into Trav so you have to face him head on.”

My lips pursed, but I didn’t respond. It would just make him want to pester me more.

Kai threw an arm around my shoulders as we walked up to the house, then leaned closer. “I love Travis, but we’re friends too. Need a getaway car? I’ve got you. Need to cry? I’ll grab Linc for you.”

“Funny.”

“I know, but seriously. We’re here for the games. If the rest is too much, we’ve got you.”

“Thanks.”

He removed his arm and flashed me a grin before he caught up with Sen and spun him around. I chuckled when he dipped him backward and kissed him. Somehow, they’d become more disgustingly adorable since they got engaged.

I looked around the living area, then quickly backed up. My heart was trying to flee my chest, and I could just imagine it bursting out, just to fall on the floor and draw more attention.

When I was outside again, I moved to the side, hiding in the shadows on the front porch. I leaned against the wall, drawing in deep breaths.

This was a terrible idea. Why hadn’t I fought harder when Til dragged me out of the hotel? Just because I was in town didn’t mean I had to see Travis up close. He’d be pissed. Or he wouldn’t give a shit. Which was worse?

Digging in my pocket, I pulled out a bottle of pills. This was the exact sort of scenario where I was supposed to use them, but I still didn’t want to. What kind of man couldn’t control his anxiety and needed to medicate himself?

Fucking pathetic. If my dad knew, he’d have shit to say.

It doesn’t matter, I reminded myself. This was my life, not his, and none of us could be perfect.

I could pretend, just like I’d always tried to do, but look where that had gotten me.

I’d been depressed, borderline suicidal.

Now, I was an anxious mess, but in a different way.

There was a way out, at least, a kernel of truth I’d never allowe d myself to face in the past, and it was a lifeline that pulled me from the darkness that had tried to swallow me whole my entire life.

I needed that lifeline. If my dad thought I was weak for that, then that was on him. That was what everyone kept telling me, anyway.

Realizing I didn’t have anything to drink, I decided I’d have to go inside one way or another. If it got really bad, I could always leave. The guys would understand. That much I was sure of, at least. As much as they pushed me, they also showed me grace when I needed it.

At one point, I’d felt defeated because I didn’t have friends like this. Now I did, and I hadn’t expected it to make me want to push myself. Sen was happy. I could be happy eventually too.

Holding the pill in my closed fist, I stuffed the bottle back into my pocket and took a deep breath before I stepped out of the shadows. Someone came up the steps, nodding a greeting at me. I offered the guy a forced smile and followed him inside.

My stomach was acidic as I moved further into the house. It looked exactly the same aside from a bunch of baseball decorations. They weren’t shitty birthday party ones. It looked pretty professional.

I veered into the hallway, then shut myself inside the bathroom. Turning on the faucet, I cupped water in my hand and used it to wash down the pill. After splashing some on my face, I gripped the edge of the counter and looked at myself in the mirror.

My black button-up felt like it was choking me, so I undid the top button and rubbed my neck. Moving both hands to my hair, I shifted the strands around, making sure just a couple of them fell over my temples. My dark eyes looked clearer than I felt, but as I stared, they began to shine.

I blinked a couple of times, then forced myself to walk out of the bathroom.

There was no reason to stress myself out more.

I was here to enjoy the party. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see the World Series, especially from the vantage point we’d have.

It didn’t matter if things were awkward.

I was a goddamn adult, and I could handle this.

There were some people in the main room, but I could see the lights on in the back and I heard voices coming from out there.

Not quite ready to explore further, I moved into the kitchen.

There were a bunch of snacks across the island, but I wasn’t hungry, so I went for a glass of champagne, using it to calm my nerves while the pill did its work inside of me.

Bad choice of chaser, sure, but I’d survive.

I looked out the window while I drank it. There were a lot of lights and tables in the yard. It felt wrong to see it like that, without the peacefulness that had existed the last time I’d been here.

It didn’t feel familiar at all until I heard a bark. The next second, Tessa came in through the back door. Her tail wagged as she came toward me. I set the champagne glass down and crouched in front of her, scratching her ears in the way she loved.

“Hey, pretty girl. I missed you.”

She put her paws on my knees and sniffed my face. When she licked my chin, I laughed.

“You’ve been taking care of your dad, right? I know you are. You’re his little monster.”

I dipped my forehead and rested it against hers. She let me, as if she knew exactly what I needed. She always had, even when she’d barely known me.

“She remembers you.”

If I thought everything would be fine, the way my heart sped up just at hearing that voice told me I was wrong.

When I lifted my head, he was leaning his hip against the island with a glass of champagne in his hand. His light blue sweater and dark jeans were the universe’s way of saying ‘fuck you.’

His eyes were another.

Cold. Indifferent. Still just as fucking beautiful.