Page 13 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Travis

I wasn’t going LIVE as often, and people noticed. The list of ‘standards’ I’d been given set pretty clear expectations about what I could do online. It wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been, but it still fucked things up for me.

Mostly, I was making regular posts since I could put more thought into them. On LIVE, I said the things that came into my head. People asked questions and I answered. There wasn’t time for me to consider if what I said would violate one of the standards and get me yelled at.

It felt like I was abandoning the people who needed me.

I jumped through hoops and walked on eggshells because my career depended on it, and I couldn’t even explain any of it to my followers.

I acted like everything was normal and avoided questions about my absence or ones that would get me in trouble.

Somehow, doing less was exhausting. That didn’t make sense.

I navigated to my notifications, ready to read a hundred comments that I couldn’t respond to. My brow furrowed when I saw that someone had followed me. I got new followers all the time, but this one stood out .

It was surprising that Roman would do that. He was firmly on the ‘don’t say gay’ train, and my page was very gay. I hadn’t been sure if it was him who’d joined my LIVE before, but now I knew that it was. We were professional acquaintances, so maybe it wasn’t all that weird.

No, it was weird. My content would pop up on his feed. Did that mean he wanted to see it?

He’d started texting me again, and since I didn’t want to be rude, I responded. It’d been over a week, and he did it every day. We didn’t talk , really. We did our standard greeting, then he’d either ghost or send me a picture of what he was working on. That was it. He didn’t even ask for updates.

Shit, I’d forgotten that I actually had an update for him today. Damn squirrel brain.

Instead of texting him, I hit call.

“Hey,” he answered on the second ring.

“Hey back.” I smiled at the stupidity of the whole thing.

He laughed lightly, which was a bit jarring. “Uh, what’s up?”

“Oh, you know, the usual.”

“What’s the usual?”

“Wake up, have too much caffeine, field thirsty Insta comments, and get abused by my dog.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“Does it? Most people think my life is boring.”

“That’s dumb. Your life is dope.”

I hummed thoughtfully as I walked outside. “It’s good that you think that because you might be spending some time down here. They drafted a contract. I’ll have them email it to you so that you can e-sign it instead of making another trip.”

“Oh my god. Are you serious?”

“Deadly. I do know that they want you here for a few days a week for two or three weeks in December. Since it’s not just a photo shoot, they want to make sure you have time to do what you need to do and make adjustments and all that.

It’s apparently been a bitch to get the guys scheduled and make sure we can have the field, which forced them to spread out the days.

They’re gonna factor flights and lodging into what they pay you, but it’ll only be one flight, and since I know you have school, I’m more than happy to get you here and back as needed. ”

“I can do a few weeks,” he interrupted. “Break starts the fifth, but all my finals get turned in online, so I don’t have to go that week.”

“Oh. That’s pretty perfect, huh? Don’t you want to go home, though?”

“I’ll go see my mom for Christmas. I was gonna spend most of it with my dad, but...I don’t mind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Okay,” I drawled. “Like I said, they’re including some estimated amount for a hotel stay, and I don’t know how much it’ll be, but if you want, you can pocket that extra money and stay here. Totally up to you.”

There was a long pause before he responded. “Why are you always so nice?”

“I don’t know. It’s a gift and a curse. There’ve been a lot of times I was treated poorly throughout my life, and I fought to get where I am.

I often think about that, though: How different could things be if people just had that one moment where someone offered them a hand?

One opportunity could change the trajectory of their whole life, and maybe it would’ve come at the perfect time, before they were about to give up and throw it all away.

“Whether I see someone’s potential or their pain, I think that if I have the power to step in, I’m doing them and myself a disservice if I choose to walk away. Sorry,” I laughed. “You didn’t ask for all of that.”

“It’s fine. I’ll drive there since it’s less than twelve hours and...I guess I’ll stay with you.”

“Great. We’ll work out the details after you sign the agreement.”

He ended the call without saying anything else. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was a mistake to offer him a room. Three weeks was a long time, and he’d likely spend it being an asshole or shutting himself away, which was probably the better option.

I’d been in a weird place emotionally, and I was exercising more to work through my anger. Just talking to Pete on the phone earlier made me want to yell at him, even though he wasn’t the one who wanted me to censor myself. He was just the messenger.

I stopped hiding when I was fifteen. Before that, really, but I became unapologetic about it after I got home from Dumont.

There ’d never been a moment that I refrained from speaking my mind, especially when it came to issues as important as this one.

I had no choice now, and it felt like I was betraying that frightened teenager who was so desperate for acceptance that his fear turned into an anger so deep that it stayed with me even now.

“Come on, Tessa. Let’s go for a run. Yeah, another one.”

*****

Roman was getting here today, and I was worried about it.

Not because of him, per se, but I was so used to living alone that having someone in my space for a few weeks was going to be weird.

I had some content planned and I wanted to do some LIVEs, so it felt like I’d have to do them in my office or something.

Fuck that. I was just gonna do what I always did.

Besides, he followed me on Instagram. If he came out of his room and was subjected to me making a video, he could deal with it.

Just like I didn’t really give a shit what his views were, I didn’t particularly care if he was uncomfortable about mine. Or me as a person.

They could censor me all they wanted. I’d never apologize for who I was and what I stood for.

I had a LIVE that I was doing with Sen today, and I was nervous for his sake. He didn’t want to go into the whole story right now. It was more to get a feel for it and see how comfortable he was. I hoped that the people in the chat would be supportive and make him feel better.

Trav: Ready?

Sen: No. But yeah. Can Kai be on with me?

Trav: Are you kidding? They’ll fucking love him.

As I sat on the deck, I smiled. The idea of them both joining me was exciting. The thirst would be strong, though. It was inescapable.

I started the video, then added Sen. He looked pale and was fidgeting a lot. When Kai came into view, he leaned in to whisper something in his ear that made Sen smile.

Who’s that?

Lord save us. You brought a feast.

“Okay,” I laughed. “These are my friends, Sen and Kai. Yes, they’re together, so let’s be more respectful in the comments. Do you gu ys want to sort of introduce yourselves? Tell us some things, give us a fun fact?”

Kai grinned, which set the chat off again. “I’m Kai. I’m a Virgo, I play college football as a wide receiver, I like long walks on the beach and blond men.”

Sen swatted him in the chest with a frown. Kai just seemed to enjoy it.

“Okay,” Kai went on. “A fun fact about me...I’m just fun all around. Oh, I love ice skating and I’m really good at it.”

Swoon.

Can you demonstrate?

“I’m Sen.” He chewed on his lip and took a deep breath. “I’m a welder and obviously the luckiest guy ever because I’m with this man, who you’re all drooling over.”

“He’s my one and only,” Kai warned. “Forever ever. Don’t get any ideas.”

Sen laughed and shook his head. “I’m terrible at ice skating, but I’m pretty good at throwing an ax. Does that count as a fun fact?”

“Sounds great to me,” I replied. “Do you want to tell us a little bit about your experiences? I know you want to keep a lot of the details to yourself for now.”

“Sure. I didn’t come out until I was twenty, which was a year ago.

It was Kai who helped me accept who I was.

He was relentless, but I’ve never been more grateful for anything.

Before, I was depressed, and honestly, I hated myself.

I wasn’t ignorant to the fact that I was gay, but what it really came down to for me was the fear of my parents.

They were disappointed, and my dad...

He was angry. They threatened to pull my funding for school and they wanted to send me back to. ..conversion therapy.”

No. Wtf.

We support you. You’re amazing.

He smiled and glanced at Kai, who winked at him.

“I don’t think a lot of people think about what it’s like after conversion therapy.

I mean, they do, but there are so many different experiences.

Mine is going to be different from a thousand others.

You know, once I started to unravel the lies and repression, I accepted myself pretty quickly.

I think it was because I knew that I was gay, and I knew that I was pretending because of my parents.

Without Kai, I don’t think I would’ve ever done it.

He supported me more than most people would.

I started school in September, and we were dating by the middle of October.

We fell in love in December, then moved in together in January.

“It was fast, trauma or not. We connected on a deep level, and we saw each other’s pain.

He saw me , and I’d never experienced that before.

The total acceptance I found in him was addicting, honestly, and I’m not saying that anyone should fall in love in two months or bare your soul to someone so quickly, but our story is perfect for us.

That’s the point I’m trying to make. Kai came out before he was even in middle school.

I came out at twenty. Some people come out at forty or not at all.

I wish we could all have what Kai did growing up, but the world sucks.

Travis wants to be part of changing that.

So do I. Kai’s family owns a business that supports LGBTQ youths and promotes gender diversity in the workplace.

I’m in a field dominated by straight men.

We’re doing what we can and trying not to accept the current state of things. ”

“If you’re in Maine,” I said, “check out the program Kai’s dad started. I’ll make a post about it. Blow it up because someday, it’ll be his, and he wants to spread it to other states.”

“Aw, are you gonna make me famous?” Kai asked.

“Pretty sure half the people here are gonna find you on Insta after this just because of your face.”

“Sounds like I’ll have to start posting more shirtless pics.” Sen narrowed his eyes at him. “Kidding, baby. Shirtless pics are only for you.”

“Shirtless pics?” someone shouted.

“Ah, fucking god damnit,” Kai groaned. “West, we’re busy.”

West appeared over their shoulders and grinned at the camera. “Nobody told me we were having a sexy rendezvous with Trav.”

Linc came up beside him with a frown. “Ugh. Why didn’t you tell me this is a LIVE? I don’t want my face on it.”

People were losing their shit in the comments, and I was simultaneously horrified and amused.

“Do you want to share your coming out experience?” I asked.

West shoved Kai out of the way, then yanked Linc forward. It looked like he was ready to throw a punch, but he was too levelheaded to do it on camera .

“This is my boo thang,” West said before he kissed Linc—with tongue. “He’s my arch nemesis. We were rival quarterbacks, fighting for dominance. Obviously, I won.”

“I moved on to grad school,” Linc corrected. “You were always going to take my spot when I left.”

“Whatever, cream pie.”

“Oh my god, kill me.”

“Long story short, he invited me for a sleepover after I almost got killed by a ninja roach. He fell in love with me after seeing my abs, then he kissed me at a frat party and turned me gay.”

“Missing a few details,” Linc muttered.

“Well,” I said, “everyone has been given insight into what I deal with. I’ll probably have Sen back on here at some point. West is banned.”

“Hold on,” West interrupted. “In all seriousness, I’ve always been of the mindset that if I ever liked a guy, I’d be cool with it.

I guess I was fluid, even though I’d only been with women before Linc.

I think that no matter who you are, how you were born, or what you identify as, you deserve to live loudly and openly, no matter your past. I’ve taken some punches for Sen, and I will come in swinging for anyone and everyone.

All of us will. We’re lucky because we have so much support around us.

I think I speak for all of my friends when I say that we’re all a part of this with you, not just Trav. Right?”

Everyone in the room agreed, and it made me smile. Even though I could only do so much right now, they would come through if I asked. Nothing was stopping them.

“Thank you,” I said. “This has really made a shitty day a lot better. I have a friend coming soon, so I have to go, but I’ll come back when I can. Love you all.”

My eyes watered as I stared at the horizon. The sun would set soon, and it made me think of the picture Roman sent me. I’d been so pissed off lately that I’d forgotten to cherish the little things.

Tessa raced past me, and I turned around. I caught a glimpse of Roman as he disappeared into the kitchen. Had he just gotten here or was he standing there for a while?