Page 30 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Travis

The first night was fine. It went off without a hitch. I’d fallen asleep next to Roman while he drew, but not close enough to touch, so that was a relief. We did the same thing last night, though, and when I woke up, it felt like we were closer.

I opened my eyes and saw him lying on his side facing me.

His eyes were closed and his breaths were steady.

The peacefulness on his face was impossible to look away from.

I’d seen more of it lately, but there was always some type of frustration waiting, ready to pop in at a moment’s notice.

If he looked this calm when he was awake, I might never be able to stop looking.

I wondered if he knew how attractive he was. His body was chiseled, obviously, but he didn’t look like a gym bro or a stereotype. There was a certain elegance to his features that looked like it came from his mom.

His cheekbones had stood out to me when I first met him. I wanted to touch them, to see if they felt as sharp as they looked.

No, I didn’t want to touch them. That was weird. I didn’t want to, he didn’t want me to, and that was that .

He opened his eyes and I stopped breathing. We just stayed like that for a solid few minutes. I didn’t know why I was looking, and I didn’t know why he was looking, but it probably wasn’t smart to think about it too much.

“Morning,” he said.

“Morning back.”

Immediately, he smiled. I laughed a little as I sat up. I watched him get to his feet, then crouch in front of his bag. Not once had I checked out a man’s calves in a weird way, but in that position, his just looked strong and...attractive?

What the fuck was I doing?

Before he could catch me being a creep again, I stood and turned in the opposite direction. I was about to unzip the tent when something started tapping on top of it. Roman looked at me, then swore when rain started falling faster.

“So much for pissing,” he grumbled.

“We’ll just have to use the bathrooms like civilized folk.”

“It’s a quarter mile. Is that any better than finding a tree?”

I shrugged. “There are also showers.”

He dropped his head back and groaned dramatically. I pointed at his shoes, then put mine on.

“We gonna run for it?” I asked.

“Is there another option?”

“We could drive.”

It looked like he considered it, but he broke into a smile. “Teamwork or competition?”

I snorted, refusing to dignify that with a response. Once I got the tent unzipped, I darted outside. I slipped in the mud and barely stayed on my feet. Roman laughed from ahead of me, which was all the encouragement I needed to get my ass in gear.

It was easier when we reached the asphalt, but it wasn’t kept in good shape. Potholes, sections raised by roots, and puddles were all obstacles that we had to veer around or jump over. I leapt across a large well of water, and Roman nearly ran into me.

“Fuck off!” he shouted.

“You bumped me!”

“You’re a crazy bastard.”

“Lie down with dogs and get up with fleas,” I said before I shoved him to the side .

I sped up when I saw the small building.

Roman tried to block me from passing him, and I pushed against his arm.

I couldn’t slow down for fear of him beating me, so I continued at full speed, then caught myself with my hands against the wall.

He ended up right next to me, and when I looked at him, his face was only inches from mine.

Neither of us moved as we caught our breath, and just like when we woke up, we stared at each other.

With his hair wet, it hung just past the tops of his ears.

Water dripped down his face, curving around the angles of it.

I watched a drop detach from his hairline and travel the length of his nose.

It was impossible to tell what was sweat and what was rain, but it didn’t matter.

He looked incredibly handsome either way.

I wanted to stop the path of one drop heading toward his lips, but I kept my hands to myself.

Most of the time, I made it a point not to touch him, aside from a few slips.

He’d asked me not to on the way to his first meeting with Pete, and I respected that, which was why I froze when he touched my jaw with his thumb.

He moved upward, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

It didn’t matter, but I wanted to dig into the things that went on inside his head. What was he hiding in there, and was it more from others or himself? I had a good idea, obviously, but I wasn’t interested in speculation and the claims of other people who didn’t know the real man behind the mask.

When his hand fell to his side, I shifted to lean my shoulder against the wall. “You don’t have a girlfriend back home, Roman?”

He tensed, then blinked a few times. “No.”

“With all your qualifications? I don’t believe it.”

“What are my qualifications?”

“Master artist, you stay super fit . . . Objectively, you’re attractive.”

His lips twitched. “Objectively, I’m also an asshole.”

“That’s true, but I’ve had an insider look.”

“Tell me what you think you see.”

“More.”

He cocked his head. “More what?”

“Just more. You’re a whole person, and I wonder who’s seen even a fraction of it.”

“Mm. I’d rather they didn’t.”

“Why not? ”

“You’re single too,” he noted, ignoring my question. “Are you anti-relationship?”

“No, I’m just bad at them.”

He laughed lightly. “Bad at them? Tell me how.”

I groaned and turned to lean back against the wall. My bladder was ready to explode, but I didn’t want this conversation to end yet. “I either get bored or hardcore attached, which nobody likes.”

“I’m sure some people do.”

“No, you don’t get it. I’m talking clingy, needy, and once there’s a connection, I’m all in.

If they don’t run for the hills, they’re generally assholes who use people because they like feeling wanted.

And relationships don’t really work with my schedule during the season, so unless we’re both willing to put in a lot of work.

..” I shrugged. “I like my life exactly how it is.”

“It doesn’t work with the people I’ve tried to be with,” he said softly.

“Why not?”

He cleared his throat and stepped away from the building. “Maybe we just haven’t fit. At this point, I’d rather be single.”

He went inside, but I stayed where I was.

After everything I’d seen and heard from him, I was certain about him being gay, but there wasn’t much I could do for him if he wasn’t ready to hear it.

In the time he’d been here, I felt like he’d come closer to that point, but I didn’t know him well enough to be sure.

I also couldn’t claim to still be an objective party.

But I had to be.

Suddenly, I thought of that Taylor Swift song, and it felt fitting.

It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.

*****

If he didn’t have to be at the field, I would’ve suggested we stay another night. Things were different out in those woods, like it was another reality. I’d been at peace and it seemed like Roman was too.

He’d opened up to me while we were camping, and I’d seen more of him, which was both good and bad. Good because he was a deeper person than most would think and I found him very interesting. Bad because I wanted to know more and I was beginning to notice him more.

I was trying to rein it in. He wanted a friend and so did I. It wasn’t fair for me to look at him as more than that .

It had rained all day, so staying was pointless anyway. When we got back, he’d become closed off and didn’t eat dinner with me. Maybe he was just tired. I wouldn’t read into it.

He’d been at the field for a while and I’d stayed home like I did last week. It wasn’t out of the ordinary as long as I didn’t count how I’d almost gotten in my Jeep a couple of times to check how things were going.

A text wasn’t an overstep, right?

Trav: Hey

Roman: Hey back? That didn’t feel right

Trav: It didn’t. Wait, are you always the one who texts me first?

Roman: Let’s not confirm that

Trav:

How are things going?

He sent me a picture of his tablet, and I nearly spit out my coffee. There was a drawing of Connor with Jack behind him. Connor’s arms were out to the sides as they stood on the bow of the Titanic.

Trav: Productive today

Roman: Want one of you and Tessa?

Trav: Only if I’m the Jack in this situation

Roman: Sure. I’m on my way back

Pouring myself another cup of coffee, I thought about what to make for dinner. I hadn’t asked enough about Roman’s favorite foods. He always ate what I made, but it could’ve just been out of necessity. He may be a bit of a dick, but I didn’t think he’d outright call someone’s cooking trash.

I wandered onto the front porch and sat on the steps. When I looked to the right, I saw the Nightmare Before Christmas cup he’d mentioned. Wait, where’d the golden retriever one come from? Christ. My brain was ungovernable.

After I finished my coffee, I dropped backward and stared up at the porch ceiling.

Even though I kept my house clean, I forgot about the more detailed things.

The webs above me, for instance. My eyes were locked on a black spider, and since I could see its legs, I considered it pretty big.

I didn’t mind spiders, but one of those things might fall on my head one of these days, which would be crossing a line.

“Are you dead?”

I sat up straight. “Don’t sneak up on people.”

Roman breathed a laugh. “You should’ve heard me.”

“I was having an internal meeting about the spiders.” I gestured toward the ceiling.

“Right. That’s not weird.”

He went inside, and I glanced at the webs one more time before I followed him. Leaning my elbows on the counter, I watched him set some bags down.

“What’s that?”

“Food,” he replied. I peered into one and saw some takeout containers.

“I was thinking about what to make, but this is better. Thanks.”

He shrugged, then glanced at me. I cocked my head, trying to figure out what was in his expression. He reached into another bag and pulled out a couple pints of ice cream. The lemon bar flavor caught my eye and made me look at him.

“I’m in the mood for sweets,” he said dismissively. “Figured you might be too.”

Had I told him about this place? I didn’t remember mentioning it at all, let alone my favorite flavor.

“Thank you. That’s really nice of you.”

“It’s just ice cream.”

“Ice cream is my love language.”

He rolled his eyes, then put them in the freezer. I wasn’t sure why he seemed moody now, and I wanted to ask about it, but it’d probably piss him off. When it had been a few minutes, he huffed and put his hands on the counter. He stared at my fingers, which were tapping endlessly.

“Sorry,” I muttered. I opened my mouth to say something else, but he turned and walked down the hall. It was possible he just wanted to shower and get changed. After forty-five minutes, I decided that wasn’t the case.

Grabbing both pints from the freezer and a couple of spoons, I knocked on his door.

“Come in,” he said, still sounding grumpy .

When I stepped inside, his brow furrowed. Wordlessly, I sat on the edge of the bed and passed him a pint.

“You can...” He motioned toward the space next to him.

I stretched my legs out and leaned back against the headboard, then took my first bite. “This is the best ice cream in the universe.”

“We haven’t even had dinner yet.”

“And? We’re grown men who keep ourselves in good shape—”

“Is that why you checked me out?” he interrupted before smirking around his spoon.

“Shut the hell up. As I was saying, if we want to eat a whole pint of ice cream once in a while, nobody can stop us.”

“Fine, but let the record show that you dragged me down to your hellish depths.”

“And let the record show that you’ve checked me out too, so let’s just agree that we’re both attractive men and move on.”

He was silent, but his expression wasn’t as closed off as before.

“What’d you get?” I asked.

“Cinnamon roll.”

“I didn’t know they had that.”

“Wanna try it?”

I leaned over and took a spoonful of it, then held mine out to him. The cinnamon was goddamn divine. Looking at his carton, I pursed my lips. His eyes narrowed, then he offered it to me again.

“It’s really fucking good,” I said around a mouthful.

“You’re ungovernable.”

“That’s funny. I was just thinking that earlier.”

“At least you’re self-aware.”

“Mhm. You know I’m going to make you run with me in the morning since you’re trying to make me fat with sugar and Chinese food.”

He smiled and focused on his ice cream without saying anything. I looked at him for another second before I tore my gaze away.