Page 28 of Catch Me (Becoming Us #4)

Travis

We’d barely said anything since we got here. As soon as I got out of my Jeep, Roman just looked at me silently. I was a little surprised he’d invited me at all, and I hoped it wouldn’t be weird.

“What do you think?” I asked as I opened my trunk.

“It’s gorgeous. Better than where I would’ve picked.”

“Where were you gonna go?”

“Hadn’t decided yet.”

“Ah, so I was invited because I know the area.”

He chuckled and leaned back against his hood, but he didn’t respond. I grabbed two beers and joined him. When I offered it to him, he shook his head.

“I didn’t get a chance to go to the store,” he said.

“You should’ve told me you needed something while I was there.”

“Not for groceries. A tent wasn’t on my list of things to pack when I left home.”

“Oh, shit. Well, this place is pretty remote. It’ll take you an hour to get somewhere that’ll have one. ”

With his hands resting on the hood behind him, he dropped his head back.

“Well, that’s shitty, but it is what it is.

Damnit.” He looked down at his phone and sighed before he put it to his ear.

“Hey, Mom. I told you I’d call you. Yeah, it’s been a couple hours.

It was a long drive.” He glanced at me, then looked at the trees again.

“I didn’t go alone...Because you were worried, obviously. ”

I moved away from the car to give him some privacy and set shit up. While I worked on the tent, I occasionally lifted my gaze to watch him. He was still in the same place, which was impossible for me if I was on the phone. I paced around like a frustrated cat the entire time.

Nosey bitch that I was, I wanted to know what the last part had meant before I walked away. I assumed it meant that his mom was concerned about him going camping alone. Was that why he invited me? It sounded like it.

I didn’t mind. Camping was one of my favorite weekend getaways, and Tessa loved it. She’d been wandering around for a while, but she knew to stay in sight.

“My mom says hi,” Roman called.

“Tell her I said hi back.”

The way he smiled made me breathe a laugh. Maybe he liked our little greeting too. We had ‘a thing,’ and I enjoyed it.

I hadn’t straight up asked if he was into being friends because it felt like a ‘check yes or no’ note from elementary school, but we interacted like it, so I thought we were.

I guess being around someone every day and night was a good way to get to know each other quickly, although there was a lot I didn’t know about him. Campfire conversations could fix that.

The sound of keys jingling made me look up. He twirled his lanyard around while he chewed on his lip. It was a new expression from him and made me stare for another moment.

“Well, I’d better go now. It’s already gonna be dark when I get back.”

I secured the final piece of the tent, then stood. As he was about to get into his car, I blurted, “Just stay in mine.”

Where was my filter when I needed it? The offer was going to obliterate any progress we’d made. He was changing his views, but now I’d made it seem like I wanted him to sleep near me, and he’d definitely freak out about that .

“Uh...” He trailed off and looked at the tent. “Are you sure?”

Not wanting to make him—or me—feel weird, I kept my expression neutral. “It’s a three-person tent. There’s room.”

“Yeah, okay, cool.”

I hoped he couldn’t see how surprised I was. With a nod, I started setting up wood to get a fire going.

“I despise sleeping bags,” I said. “So, I have a bunch of blankets and shit.”

“Works for me. Sleeping bags feel like boa constrictors. I’m too fucking big for most of them.”

“They’re made for guys named Jonathan.”

He laughed and crouched on the other side of the pit. “Jonathan, huh? Somehow, that makes sense.”

“Yeah, he has two and a half kids, one dog, one cat, a two-story house, and he stays fit by swimming or jogging. Occasionally, he uses that Bowflex he ordered from a Facebook ad and keeps in his garage.”

“Next to the Camry he drives to work so he can crunch numbers in an office.”

“And wears cargo shorts when he mows the lawn.”

“Don’t tell me they’re camo.”

“Oh, they’re camo.”

He groaned, and I rolled my lips to keep from smiling.

“This guy definitely has a recliner,” he said.

“I have a recliner in my room.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you.”

“Okay.” He reached out and rolled one of the logs I’d set up perfectly. “Oops.”

“Is this how you are with your friends?” His brow furrowed and he looked down at the wood, so I tried to explain. “Fun, playful, sarcastic, talkative.”

“I used to be.”

“Not anymore?”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I have friends anymore. Last time I was with them, I got uncomfortable because of their conversations. They’re what I used to be, I guess.”

“You look sad about it.”

“It’s more that I don’t know where I go from here. Or with who. ”

“I’m your friend.”

He met my eyes. “I thought you didn’t want to be.”

“That was when you were a dick. You’re still a dick, but differently.”

“Thanks for that.”

“I like to keep things real. We should go check out the lake before it gets dark. It’s only a mile away. Tessa is gonna be pissed that she can’t go in and freeze to death.”

“Good thing she has you to take care of her.”

“It’s what I do best.”

I stood and offered him my hand. He took it and let me pull him up, then I dropped it back to my side before I led the way to the water.

*****

I didn’t know if we were both stalling or if I was just overthinking. We’d been by the fire for a while, and the moon was high. I was pretty tired and I’d seen him yawn a couple of times, but neither of us moved.

“Are you an only child?” he asked.

“Yup, just like you.”

“I have siblings.”

“Right. Sorry, I forgot.”

“Not my step-siblings. My dad has a couple kids with his wife.”

“Do you see them often?”

He shook his head, staring into the fire. It didn’t look like he was upset about the conversation. He just seemed zoned out.

“My dad’s a dick,” he said after a while. “He’s not abusive or anything like that. He’s just selfish and hateful of a lot of people. His other kids seem happy, though, and he’s more involved with them than he was with me.”

I wished he’d look at me, but he kept his gaze on the flames. “That’s unfair, but maybe he’s in a different place than he was when you were a kid. Do you have a good relationship with him?”

He huffed a laugh. “Sure, I guess. I don’t know if that’ll last, though.”

“Why not?”

“For one, he doesn’t like that I’m going to art school. ”

My brow furrowed and I felt anger stir inside of me. “He’s seen how talented you are, right? How could he not be proud of what you’re doing?”

“He’s a tattoo artist, and that’s what he wants me to do.”

I glanced at the ink on his wrist, peeking out of his sleeve. “Did you want to back then?”

He shook his head once. “He put me into art lessons as a kid because he saw that I loved to draw. It was always so that I could be like him, but I never wanted to tattoo people. He thought I’d change my mind, yet here I am, making useless art that will get lost among all the others who think they’ll make it big. ”

“Don’t get me wrong; I respect tattoo artists, but I find it messed up to think one form of art is superior to another.

I think he wants you to work with him because he sees how incredible you are and you’d excel.

Without a passion for it, though, art becomes meaningless.

If he can’t see that what you’re doing now makes you happy, then he’s blind and an idiot. ”

There was a rueful smile on his face. “Maybe one of his other kids will follow in his footsteps and he won’t need me anymore.”

My chest felt tight at his words. I stood, and he finally looked at me as I moved my chair closer to his. Reaching out, I took his chin and turned his face so that I could see his eyes.

“Explain that.”

“What?” he asked.

“There’s something deeper there, and I want to know why you looked resigned to it.”

He turned and broke my hold. When I lowered my hand, he took it in his, holding onto my fingers. His thumb traveled across my knuckles, and I watched him repeat the movement, back and forth.

“You want me to be honest?”

“Always,” I replied.

“It feels like I never really fit anywhere. My dad moved to Idaho after Ross told his church that he didn’t see his sons as sinners and all that. Now, he has two kids, and when I’m there, it just feels weird.”

“You have your mom.”

“Yeah, but they’re a family. Tilian acts like he’s the problem child and the black sheep, but they love him.

He’s good and he fights for what’s right.

They’ve never seen him as a problem; they just didn ’t know what the hell to do with him.

” He laughed a little and shook his head.

“It was me and my mom for a while. I’m not really part of the whole family, and that’s probably my fault because I tormented Alex and Til.

Even at school, I don’t know where I belong, and I don’t fit in with my friends anymore. ”

“Does it make you feel lonely?”

“I don’t know. It’s hard to tell if that makes me unhappy or if it’s just being me that does it.”

“Maybe you still need to figure out who you are,” I ventured. “Then, you can discover where you fit and what you want from life.”

“I think you’re right.”

I wanted to push for more information, but that didn’t feel right. Roman had been unexpectedly vulnerable, and I kind of wanted it to happen again, so I didn’t want to make him regret it this time.

He looked down at his hand, which was still holding mine, and he quickly pulled back. Getting to his feet, he cleared his throat. “Are you going to bed? I’m beat.”

“Yeah, I’m getting too old for late nights.”

When I stood, Tessa did the same. She followed us into the tent and curled up on a blanket in the corner. I pulled a pair of sleep pants from my bag, then clicked my tongue.

“I’m gonna go out there and—”

“It’s fine,” he interrupted. “You’re not gonna make me uncomfortable by putting on some pants.”

Something really had changed with him. There were a few guys I’d been playing with for the past two years who wouldn’t change in the locker room if I was there, as if I ogled every man who existed.

I switched my jeans out for the pajama pants and immediately felt better. Everything should be as comfortable as these. Whoever decided jeans were the move should’ve been put in jail.

After I’d stripped out of my shirt, I adjusted my blankets and sat down.

Roman grabbed the bottom of his Henley and lifted it over his head.

The movement drew attention to his hips, just above the waistline of his basketball shorts.

His abs were defined and his chest was broad, accentuated further by his tattoos.

Every part of him was toned, and I knew how much work that took to attain.

No, I didn’t ogle every man, but I was pretty sure I just checked Roman out. And he saw it .

I felt like a dick, but drawing more attention to what happened wouldn’t help, so I just laid back and stared at the ceiling. A shirtless man wasn’t anything special, and I’d seen him like this a few times already without being affected by it.

Looking at him in any way other than as a friend couldn’t happen.

He was either straight or repressed. I wasn’t the right person to handle that sort of thing.

I was too prone to attachment, and that could push me into becoming emotional, maybe even impatient, which would be harmful to the whole situation.

Besides, he was leaving a week from today.

I’d checked him out, but that’s all it was.

He’d been super quiet, so I glanced over at him. He was lying on his stomach with his tablet on the floor. It reminded me of a kid with a coloring sheet, and for a second, I imagined little Roman watching TV and putting the characters on paper.

“Do you bring that thing everywhere?” I asked.

He smiled without looking up. “I’m not exaggerating when I say yes, I do take it everywhere.”

“What are you working on now?”

“I was gonna start something new, but I don’t have any ideas.”

“Tell me where your favorite place is.”

“Rialto Beach.”

“Draw that. I don’t know what it is, so you’ll have to show me when you’re done.”

“Want to watch?”

“Would you mind?”

He shook his head, so I moved closer and laid on my stomach beside him. As soon as he opened a new page, I felt excited. Witnessing art being made in the moment, especially by someone as incredible as Roman, felt special.

“When you get famous, I can say that I watched you create art in a tent.”

“After you drooled over my hard-earned pecs.”

My cheeks heated and I was grateful that he kept his eyes on the tablet. That was exactly what I planned to do until the end of time.