Page 7 of It’s Only Love

Dennis

Four Years Earlier

Wes and I run in silence along the packed wet sand early Saturday morning along Cannon Beach, which is something we do every Saturday.

The sky is overcast, but as the sun rises and the day warms up, it pushes the fog back out to sea.

The spray from the waves keeps me cool after running for over a mile and a half.

The only things you can hear are the crashing waves, birds stirring awake, our heavy breathing, and the pounding of our feet.

We’re only halfway to meeting our running goal for the day.

My legs are tight and they burn, and my lungs feel like they’re going to collapse, but before I can reach my second wind, Wes touches my arm, and we slow down to a walk, taking deep breaths through our noses, and exhaling from our mouths.

Once it doesn’t feel like I’m going to vomit, I pull out the collapsible water bottle from my hydration vest and take a sip, but not too much so I don’t get cramps. Wes does the same .

Though we’ve been going to school together since middle school, we only became good friends during our junior year of high school, after we’d both been accepted onto the varsity cross-country running team.

I love running. It falls into my need to be constantly moving.

I rarely sit still unless I’m playing video games or hanging out with Mike.

He isn’t a big talker, but he says so much in his strength and solitude.

He’s someone who I not only love but also look up to.

He’s become even more of a steady fixture in my life after Aaron left for college, and I sense a depth to our relationship that has grown into a real, unbreakable friendship.

Being near him silences my head a bit, allowing me to focus on the stillness of the moment.

That’s when I really notice my surroundings, whether it’s in the environment, or a new little freckle on Mike’s face.

God, it should be illegal to be that hot and then have freckles on top of it. Just kill me already.

“It’s harder to keep up with our training without a coach since we graduated,” Wes says, panting and running a hand through his sweaty blond hair before wiping his face with his T-shirt, hanging in his shorts.

He’s a couple of inches taller than me, standing at six feet even, and broader with more muscle, although I’m pretty fit, in a leaner way.

With his bright blue eyes that are bluer than seems natural, I’ve always found him to be incredibly good-looking, but he’s no Mike.

No one else does it for me. Only Mike causes my stomach to flip or makes my heart hammer nervously.

Even after crushing on him since I was twelve, my attraction has only intensified over time.

“True, but we’ve got each other to keep us going. We’re leaving for college, then they’ll work us to death. You’ll see. I heard their training regime is fucking ruthless. If we thought high school was hard, college is gonna be brutal.”

Wes groans, looking a little queasy. “Shit, it is, isn’t it? There’s gonna be zero time for girls.”

He loves the ladies, so I know he’s been looking forward to diving into a whole new dating pool. It’s not like we have tons to choose from in our small town.

I chuckle and shake my head, sweat dripping down my temples. “Dude, there’ll be time for girls. I mean, we’ve already made the team, so we’re golden until our sophomore year.”

Shit, I can’t believe we’re leaving. Summer just flew by, and now we’re days away from leaving Cannon Beach behind us. I take another sip of water and shove the bottle back into my vest before rubbing my stomach. “I’m hungry.”

He snorts a laugh. “You’re always hungry, dude.”

I feign a pout. “I’m a growing boy.”

Wes rolls his eyes. “ Anyway , I need to do well, man. I’m reliant on my scholarship to get me through college.”

I pat his sweaty bare back, and, as usual, touching Wes does absolutely nothing for me.

No spark of attraction. Not like when I touch Mike…

Fuck, I don’t even need to touch him; just being close to him, breathing him in, drives me crazy.

Stop it, Dennis. Don’t risk getting a chubby in front of your friend.

Gross. “We’ll keep you there, Wes. Don’t worry.

We’re going to do amazingly. Hell, we brought our high school team to the state championship for the first time in history.

Okay, so it was for the boys, but still, we won ! ”

“You’re right, and with you at my side, we’re going to kick ass.”

I bump his shoulder. “Hell, yeah, we are!”

We walk for a bit before we start running again, when I suddenly stop as my gaze catches something in the sand. I bend down to pick up a seashell. It’s rare to find shells intact during the peak summer season. Well, the season is over, but not that long ago.

“Holy shit, it’s an Olivella biplicata !”

Wes raises a brow. “A what now?”

“A Purple Olive Snail. It’s perfectly intact.” I flip it over to see if the animal is still inside, but it’s empty. They’re all over near Haystack Rock, but people usually snatch up the empty ones if hermit crabs haven’t taken them.

I hold it out in the palm of my hand, running a finger along the smooth, oblong surface as Wesley stands close to me.

“Look at the pretty pink and purple lines. But don’t be fooled, my man.

As pretty as they are, did you know they’re predators?

They eat clams, mussels, and scallops. These little babies even eat carrion.

Moon snails are their most common predators, which can get bigger than my hand. They’re the largest—”

Wes huffs a laugh and shakes his head at me. “ Fascinating , Den.”

I smile sheepishly. “Sorry, I can get a bit carried away.”

“It’s all good. I know you love that stuff, but we need to get back to running.”

“Hey, before we take off, are you going to make it to the bonfire tonight? It’s the last one for a while. Until next summer, anyway. Everyone’s going to be there.”

He holds out his fist, and we bump knuckles. “Oh, hell yeah, I am. I wouldn’t miss it. A few beers will do me good after my breakup with Sadie.” Sadie Miller is the latest in a string of girlfriends that Wes has had. It didn’t end amicably. She’s the jealous and controlling sort.

“Is she going to be there?”

“God, I hope not, but she probably won’t if she knows I’m going.”

Mike will definitely be there. And … so will my brother.

Aaron has one more year of college to go before he’s off to Stanford Law.

God, I love my brother, but I’ve come to treasure my time alone with Mike.

I think he’s become more of my friend than Aaron’s at this point.

I’ve made it my life’s mission to spend most of my free time with Mike, but between high school activities, his working, and taking care of his mom, it’s hard.

Th ere’s more time to spend together in the summer, but Aaron’s always around then.

Ugh, what does it matter? Mike and I will never be a thing.

“Mike’s going to be there, right?” Wes asks as if he can read minds.

“Definitely.”

“I think you need to do it, dude.”

“Do what?” Yeah, I’m playing ignorant. If I haven’t told Mike how I feel about him by now, I probably never will.

I’m such a coward. Though he doesn’t really date at all, I chalk that up to his being busy all the time.

And he’s never shown the same level of interest in me as I have in him.

Then again, I’ve got no idea what interest looks like.

I haven’t dated anyone at all since my sights are squarely on Mike.

Wes groans and punches my upper arm. I rub it demonstratively, feigning hurt. “Hey!”

“Don’t be stupid. You know what I mean. Come on … You’ve been pining after him since when? Since you were twelve? Hell, it’s nearly six years now. Tell him how you feel. You’re a damn adult, and you’re leaving for college. This may be your only chance.”

My shoulders sag. “I liked you better when we were running and you were quiet.”

He laughs before pouring water down his throat from his bottle. He wipes his mouth with his forearm and shrugs. “You know I’m right. You just don’t want to hear it. Seriously, what’s the worst he could say? No?”

“Uhm, no one says no to you, so you have no idea how much that would hurt.”

Wes raps his knuckles on my head. “Knock, knock. You don’t either, dumbass. You’ve never had a boyfriend.”

I swat him away and pretend to be mad at him, but I’ll always be grateful that when I came out to him, he was cool with it. I didn’t exactly advertise my sexuality while in high school because it rarely went over well in athletics.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve got a lot to choose from. In fact, I’m the only gay guy I know around here.”

“Come on, Den. Just do it. If you don’t, you’re going to regret it.

You’re going to leave for college and be gone all semester, and wonder ‘ What if ?’ You have to grab what you want in life.

And you’re exactly the type to do that, except when it comes to Mike.

You know what you want, what you like, and you reach for it.

But for some reason, you hold back on being open with him. ”

I turn to stare out at the water, the sun now higher in the sky, clearing out the dreary morning, and warming up the mid-September day.

Wes is right. I need to stop wimping out.

Every time I’ve wanted to tell Mike—and I’ve had way too many opportunities—I’ve chickened out.

Not only because I’m afraid he’ll say no, but I worry about how my brother will react.

Aaron and I get along better now that we’re older and college has chilled him out, but still, Mike was his friend first.

No, I need to do this. I turn to face my friend. “Okay, let’s do this.”

He smiles brightly, exposing perfectly straight white teeth. “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

With a combination of fear and determination, we continue the last leg of our run.