Page 27 of It’s Only Love

“I totally get that, kiddo, but it’s not safe.”

He sniffs. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m just glad you weren’t injured more seriously. Let’s get you back with the rest of the group, okay?”

“Okay.”

I turn my back to him and balance myself on the muddy trail while I squat. “Hop on. I’ll take you back up. I bet you didn’t know this tour had free rides included.”

Josh giggles and shifts so he can get on. With his spindly arms wrapped around my neck, I stand, holding on to branches and tree trunks to help me back up the trail without slipping again.

It takes a while to get back up because I need to be careful. The last thing I want to happen is falling backward and landing on Josh.

When we finally make it to the top, he wraps his legs around my waist, and I piggyback him toward the picnic tables with the other kids.

My legs hurt like a bitch, along with my hands that got scraped.

I lick my bottom lip, tasting blood. I must have gotten slapped by a stray branch on my way down as I fell.

It’s fine. It’s all good. We’re not that hurt. I’m out of a job, but we’ll live.

I’ve been gone for over an hour by the time we reach the kids and Harper.

There’s a park ranger there, and, to my surprise, Mike.

My heart and stomach flutter at seeing him, and at the worried look on his face.

No matter what happened between us years ago, he will always be my best friend and always come to my rescue. That’s something I’ll never let go of.

He rushes to me and stops, scanning me up and down as he frowns. “You wouldn’t answer your phone!” he pants, his voice in near panic.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I… fell and…” That’s when I realize my phone is missing. It was in my hand when I slipped. I must have dropped it. “Sorry, I lost it, I think.”

“I was so worried.” He swallows as his eyes search my face. His hair is even wilder than usual, like he’s been tugging at it repeatedly.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat as I sit Josh down at the picnic table. Harper looks the boy over, and the park ranger takes over, giving him first aid treatment.

I’m watching the man wrap up Josh’s ankle when Mike spins me around to face him and takes my hands in his. My body shivers as electricity travels up my arms from his touch.

“Shit, you’re bleeding, Den,” he growls.

I raise my brow at the tone, feeling a little defensive. It’s so unlike Mike. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Your hands, your shins, your knees, your mouth… all bleeding.” His gaze coasts all over my body, scanning me from top to toe.

“Uh…”

He shakes his head. “What happened? You know these trails better than anyone.”

The ranger looks up at that, raising a brow at Mike, and I chuckle. The park ranger definitely knows more than I do.

“It’s not funny. I’m being serious right now.”

“I’m fine. The boy is fine. ”

He huffs and bends down to look at my legs. “I thought… when you didn’t answer that…”

“You had the same thoughts I did when I couldn’t find Josh. That he was more than injured.”

He looks up at me from where he’s squatting and nods. “Yeah.” There’s a strained edge to his voice, and I can’t tell whether he’s mad or just worried like he said.

I reach down and squeeze his shoulder. “I’m fine. Really.”

The park ranger walks over to me, and he pats my back. “Ready? I’ll get you all cleaned up, and then I’ll help you all get back. We’ve already notified the boy’s parents of what happened, and they’re waiting for us.”

I swallow, sick to my stomach that I’m going to lose this job. “Yeah, okay.”

“Not okay,” Mike interjects, growling again.

What’s gotten into him? I know he’s worried, but I’ve never seen him like this.

“Mike?”

He looks at the ranger with folded arms. “ I’ll take care of him.”

The other man shrugs. “Whatever, man.” Then he glances at me. “You okay with him treating you? You seem fine other than having some superficial wounds.”

Mike huffs again. “Psh… Superficial?”

“Yep, I’m good,” I tell the ranger, who eyes Mike with a strange smirk before heading back to Josh. The boy clings to the ranger’s back for a piggyback ride to where we parked the small camp bus.

We’re at Mike’s house, and I’m sitting on the edge of the tub with my bare feet inside as the water runs.

He’s sitting with me but facing the opposite direction as he pours saline solution over the wounds on my legs, rinsing out the dirt and debris before properly cleaning them.

I hiss because they’re deep enough that it stings like hell.

He’s quiet. Mike’s not usually a talkative person, but he’s not this quiet.

“I can do this myself,” I say gently, still trying to grasp his shift in mood. Is he mad at me?

He doesn’t respond as he lathers the areas with antibacterial soap. It’s all overkill. I’ve had worse injuries than this growing up, always exploring, especially living near all that ancient volcanic rock. And he knows it.

“Are you mad at me or something?” I ask tentatively.

“No, why would I be mad?”

“Uhm, because you seem that way.”

His stiff shoulders sag, and he glances at me from under thick lashes with those stormy-blue eyes I’ve always been obsessed over. Since we got to his house, he’s barely looked at me.

“I was… really worried about you. I’m just… tense.”

I angle my head so I can look into his eyes better. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You were gone a while and weren’t answering your phone. I just…” he sighs and grabs one of my hands to clean the abrasions there. “I imagined something horrible…”

“That I got mauled by a black bear, and it left my gory corpse to rot for all the scavengers?”

Mike finally breaks out into a crooked smile and shakes his head. “Yeah, the thought crossed my mind. ”

At first, I think he’s overreacting, but then I look back at when he was a kid and how he lost his dad in that car accident. If anyone understands how quickly life can be snuffed out, it’s Mike.

“I’ll carry three phones with me next time.”

Mike chuckles. “I appreciate it.”

After he gets my hands all clean, he rinses the rag in the warm water running in the tub and gently takes my chin in his hand.

The touch courses through me like fire, the intimacy so unexpected.

His face is so close to mine that I can see every freckle and stubble growing through his jaw, chin, and upper lip.

Younger me would’ve taken the opportunity to lean in closer, subtly touching him back, to close my eyes and inhale his scent of deodorant and subtle hints of sweat. But I do none of those things. I can’t.

His eyes are so intent on the task of dabbing my busted lip clean, gently wiping away the blood. I feel the puffs of air on my skin coming from his breath.

I ache for him right then, imagining the could-and-would haves.

As much as I’ve tried to distract myself and fight my attraction for Mike since I’ve moved back home, I can’t.

Even if he doesn’t belong to me, he’s mine all the same.

There’s no point in denying it. I’m right back where I was that night at the bonfire.

I have to shut it down, though, as impossible as it seems. I should’ve just gone home and cleaned myself up instead because the closeness of him is pure fucking torture.

He stops his cleaning, and his eyes bounce to mine.

Up close, they have flecks of gold and brown swimming in the ocean of blue.

They always make me sappy and poetic. Suddenly, he holds his breath.

I know this because I don’t feel the puffs of air on my skin anymore.

Then his gaze dips to my lips, and on instinct, I lick them.

He looks at me once more, his pupils suddenly dilating, before glancing at my mouth again.

Deep inside, I know what he’s thinking. I know what he wants to do.

I recognize the heat in his stare because it mirrors the same heat that’s currently coursing through my body.

It’s a look I’ve seen before, but not from him. Not from my Mike.

But why now? After all these years, why?

“Mike…” I whisper, more as a warning than anything.

He doesn’t respond, or he doesn’t hear me as he leans forward, his eyelids sliding shut…

I want more than anything in the world to kiss him back, but I can’t. I’m not only not ready mentally, but I’m confused. He likes women. And he made it clear that night that he isn’t into me like that.

As he moves forward, I move back, and going against all my instincts to meet him halfway, I force myself to press my hand to his chest.

“Mike… No.”

His eyes pop open wide, and he quickly backs off. “Shit… sorry.” Regret tints his voice as he starts fidgeting, cleaning up the mess of first aid trash.

“Mike,” I say a third time.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

I grab his forearm to stop him. “Please stop. Talk to me.”

His face is red and blotchy, his ears are even redder, and he’s unable to look at me.

“I would love nothing more than for you to kiss me, Mike.”

His eyes finally reach mine, regret and confusion pooling in them. “Then why…”

“Because I’m… not okay. I haven’t been since the end of college.”

My eyes water, and it’s my turn to glance away. I’m not only upset by what happened to me, but at this lost opportunity I would’ve snatched up any other time before this.

“Your breakup? ”

“God, I wish it were only a breakup. It would’ve been far easier than this.”

I rest my hands on the edge of the tub, my fingers curling over the porcelain, my feet and legs still wet. He turns to match my position. “What do you mean?”

“I’m slowly healing, but…” I sigh loudly.

A tear slides down my face as I recall all the hurt I’ve been trying to push out of my brain, distracting myself with friends and family.

But I haven’t really dealt with it, have I?

Not really. I haven’t even talked to anyone about it. Until now… I guess it’s time.

“Jesus, Den. What’s wrong?” he rasps.

“I dated Geoff for eight months. I thought I had finally found someone to be with who liked me for me. Who… loved me. Psh . What a joke. He didn’t love me. Not really. You don’t cheat on people you love. I told him that, and he just threw it back in my face, saying it happens all the time.”

“Shit, Den. He cheated on you? What an asshole. You’re like the best person I know. What an idiot.”

“He was my first real boyfriend. God, there’s nothing like seeing your boyfriend fuck another man right before your eyes.

” A low, rumbling growl comes from deep within Mike’s chest, and I feel his body tense next to mine.

“It does something to your soul, you know? It more than crushes you. The betrayal is so… it spreads through your soul like a virus. And he was my… first, so it doubly hurt. It ruined all the other happy memories. No, it nuked them.” I sniff and pinch my eyes, willing them to stop leaking because Geoff isn’t worth it, dammit.

“No, breaking up with me would’ve been far kinder.

” I don’t want to tell Mike how Geoff blamed me for my feelings for my best friend.

What purpose will it serve? No, he should know all of it .

Mike’s sitting so close to me, our shoulders are touching. It’s reassuring and comforting.

“It wasn’t only his cheating, but he wasn’t even apologetic about it. God, he had me doubting everything about myself. Blaming myself.”

“That asshole blamed you?” he hisses, anger pouring off his body.

“Yeah. And he’s kind of right.”

He puts a strong, comforting hand on my back, and I instinctively lean into his touch. “Bullshit. There’s nothing that justifies his cheating on you. He’s making up excuses to assuage his guilt. None of it’s your fault, Den.”

“Maybe. It doesn’t matter. Looking back on it, I started seeing all the signs I’d missed. The Fireballs… He made fun of me for liking them. Called me a kid.”

“Jesus, that’s why you didn’t touch the candy when I brought it to you.”

I shake my head, feeling like I’m overreacting to everything, that I should just move on, but I can’t seem to let it go.

He rubs soothing circles into my back, and I feel my body relaxing under his touch, allowing myself to be vulnerable. It feels too good to be held like this, to be touched by him this way.

I glance at him, watching me so intently and with worry, already forgetting about my rejection because he cares that fucking much. “He wasn’t even the worst of it, Mike… One of my professors…”

He freezes, his fingers stilling on my back. “What do you mean?”

When I hesitate, he growls at me again. “What. Do. You. Mean?”