Page 23 of It’s Only Love

Dennis

I grab the new T-shirt in pale teal that reads ‘ Team Cannon Cleanup Crew ’ off the fold-out table when Mike, Wes, Aaron, and I arrive at the beach for the mid-summer cleanup, right after the Fourth of July.

There’s one at the beginning of the tourist season, one in the middle, and one after peak season.

Aaron’s been back for three weeks, and it’s been nice reconnecting with him. We’ve both grown and changed. It’s also a nice distraction from the shit that’s been clogging my head.

Every year, the four of us join the Cannon Beach community in keeping our beach clean.

There are too many tourists who just leave their trash behind, but there’s also the problem of trash being washed up on shore.

There’s little we can do about microplastics, but we can at least clean up the big stuff.

Mike grabs a T-shirt and removes his white one, revealing inches of tanned skin.

I can’t take my eyes off his abs for the life of me.

He doesn’t have the kind of build you get from working out daily.

He’s strong and defined, but it happened naturally for him after years of working in landscaping.

There’s also a dusting of chest hair that I…

I turn away when he starts to put on his new T-shirt. I can’t go there. It’s fucking time to stop pining over Michael Tanner, boyhood crush. I’m a man now. It’s time to move on from those thoughts.

After plastering a fake smile on my face, turning my baseball hat backward, and sliding on a pair of sunglasses, I say, “Ready? Let’s get our beach cleaned up.”

Mike and Aaron are sent to one zone, and Wes and I are sent to another. Once we finish in our zone, the program will put us in a different one.

There are around thirty people here today, of varying ages, from children to grandparents, so we should make some great progress.

That’s one thing I love about small towns.

The community. It’s close-knit, and everyone cares about each other.

If one person falls on hard times, the town steps in to help. We need more of that in this world.

We’ve only been out here for an hour, and already we’re sweating profusely. It’s humid, too, which doesn’t help.

“I can’t believe it’s ninety degrees today. Like, what the hell? Yesterday was sixty-eight,” I grouse as I wipe my face with the bandana I brought for this very reason.

“No shit. I can’t imagine doing cross-country in this heat all the fucking time.”

I grunt in acknowledgement.

Before going back at it, I remove my shirt and tuck it into the waistband of my basketball shorts. Fuck it. It’s too hot. I’m not used to it.

“It’ll be back down in the seventies tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” I sigh, taking a swig of water. “I wish the weather would make up its mind. ”

Wesley doesn’t say anything. He just stands there, watching me with a smirk on his face.

“What?” I ask.

“So, how are you and Mike?”

I shrug. “Fine, as always.” I know when Wes is about to dig, and this is one of those times.

“You know what I mean. Have you thought about trying again?”

“Trying what?”

He huffs and he’s no doubt rolling his eyes, but I can’t tell behind his sunglasses. “God, you weren’t always this dense… or difficult. I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about, smartass.”

I use the trash picker to lift an old soda can half-buried in the sand. “Why can’t people just dump their shit in the recycling bins? I mean, they’re stationed all over the place.”

“Dude, you’re deflecting.”

“Beach trash is serious business.”

“Duuuude…”

I sigh and put the can into the recycling bucket. “Mike doesn’t want me like that. Never has. He likes and dates women, not pining guys who’ve had a crush on him for insanely too long.”

Wes shakes his head and picks up several cigarette butts, dumping them into the trash bag. “You’re fucking blind, man.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s over there watching you pick up garbage like it’s the fucking moon landing or something. He’s been watching you the entire time. I guarantee you, if they hadn’t dropped us in zones, he’d be over here.”

I squint over at Mike, watching him through my sunglasses as he picks up something from the sand, with Aaron next to him. When he looks up at me, I wave, and he waves back. “See, it’s nothing. ”

“I’m telling you, there’s something there. I noticed it while we were at the bar the other night. He got all dressed up. He did his fucking hair , man, and Mike never does his hair. And just like now, he kept watching you.”

“You’re delusional. He’s straight. End of story. Nothing will ever come of it.”

Even if pigs could fly and unicorns existed, I’m not sure I’m ready to date, even for Mike.

I don’t feel worthy of him, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to give my all to him.

It’s the only thing that’s really diminished my crush on him.

I still look at him and wish sometimes, but I just can’t anymore…

I need to let go of the idea that Mike will ever be mine.

“Who’s straight?” Aaron asks from behind me, right on fucking cue.

I stiffen and inwardly curse myself, then I turn to face my brother. “Hey, Aaron. Snooping again, I see.”

“It’s good practice for when I become a lawyer. You’re changing the subject.”

“It’s nothing. It’s no one. When are you and Amanda finally going to tie the knot? You all have been dating forever.”

“You’re changing the subject again. You suck at that.

” Aaron bumps me with his shoulder, so I bump him back.

He grins, and then he shoves me with two hands, and I shove him back.

When he shoves me the last time, I fall on my ass in the sand.

I quickly scramble up, sand flinging everywhere, and I jump on his back.

He’s a bit bigger and stronger than I am, so I have to cling to him tightly as he tries to get me off him.

I whoop and laugh, thinking I’ve finally got him, but suddenly I’m flipping in the air and I land on my back in the sand with an ‘ oof .’

He straddles me and starts tickling. “Fuck! Stop, stop! Aaron… dammit!”

“Say it!” he grins down at me with straight white teeth that look even whiter against his tanned skin. “Tell me I’m the master.”

“Never!”

I bump my hips upward, and he falls forward, allowing me to roll out from under him, then I jump him again.

When I think I’ve got him pinned down, he rolls me onto my back again. “Dammit!”

“Saaaay it…”

“You can’t make me!”

He tries to tickle me again, but if I have anything, it’s strong legs, which I wrap around him and squeeze.

“Ugh…” he groans and tries to pry my legs off.

“ You say it.”

Then suddenly, Aaron is yanked off me. “You two fighting?” Mike snaps.

Aaron brushes the sand off himself as I stand and do the same. We’re both laughing, then give each other bro hugs, and then the bird.

“Nah, we’re just messing around like old times,” I say.

“You’ve definitely gotten stronger, Den. But I would’ve won were it not for your attack dog here.”

Mike raises a brow. “Attack dog?”

“Who were you best friends with first again?”

Mike now smiles softly, knowing we weren’t really fighting after all. “I’m friends with you both.”

I shake my head like a dog and then look for my hat that fell off. “Ugh, I’m never getting all the sand out of my hair. That shit sticks to the scalp.”

Someone runs a hand through my hair, ruffling some of the sand out, and I turn to see it’s Mike of all people. He yanks his hand back and frowns. “Ah, sorry. I-I… You just had so me…”

Then, without a word, Mike storms off, back to his zone and continues finding trash, and Aaron follows him, shaking his head. Wes snorts a laugh. “Told ya.”

“He was just helping me.”

“Uh-huh… Keep lying to yourself. He’s more awkward than usual around you.”

“Don’t make me wrestle you in the sand now.”

He laughs again as my eyes trail back to Mike, who’s removing his shirt.

His tight body, all golden and glistening from the sweat, is a fucking revelation before me.

My gaze coasts down his body to where his swim shorts end, revealing thick, sturdy thighs dusted with dark hair.

His muscles flex when he moves, and my thoughts drift to images of Mike’s strong legs wrapped around me, my body aching with the phantom feel of his body pressed against mine.

It’s like I can almost feel it, the physical weight of him on top of me, the pressure as he locks his thighs around me, squeezing me until there’s no air left in my lungs and I feel lightheaded.

Fuck, am I having a heatstroke? I think I must be because it feels like my body is burning up from the inside.

I rub my hands against my face, trying to focus.

How can someone be this pretty and sexy, and not even know it?

As much as I’ve tried to fight it and pretend that it’s all in the past, I’m starting to feel those old emotions again from when I was younger, before I left for college—those old unrequited emotions.

“Try talking to him again about it. And this time, don’t just molest him with a kiss.”

I playfully punch his arm. “Ass.”

No, there won’t be a ‘ this time .’ Not any time. Mike deserves someone special, not someone all messed up. I’m not what I used to be. I lost a part of myself I fear I’ll never get back.

“You’ll never find out if you don’t try.” Wes shrugs.

“Yeah, maybe,” I say absently to get him off my back .

I bend to grab my hat sitting in the sand, brush it off, and put it on before going back to work.

After we dispose of the trash we collected and toss the other items into the recycling bins, I chug back some water. The day has been long and hot, and the hair under my cap is soaked.