Page 45 of It’s Only Love

Dennis

The morning is cold and foggy, a not-unusual occurrence for this area, even at the beginning of August. Mike and I take Willow to the beach and toss around her ball. The place is deserted, except for a few tourists taking misty pictures of Haystack.

My head hurts a little from too much drinking last night at the bar, like a dull ache, and Mike doesn’t look much better, but we suffer for Willow, who’s highly energetic and needs to get her exercise and playtime in.

Even though I feel bleh this morning, last night was fun. It was awesome to be out in the open as boyfriends with Mike in front of Aaron, Wes, and Amanda. Hell, even in front of the locals.

Then the night got even better when I got the call to come in for an interview.

But as I woke up this morning, it really hit home that if I get this job, I won’t be able to see Mike as much.

The program I’ll work for, if hired, is all-encompassing.

This job, even a temporary one, will give me the necessary experience that I can apply to my own program once I start it.

Hopefully, by the time I wrap it up, I’ll have my documentation, licensing, and grants ready.

It’s fucking exciting, but at the same time, I dread being taken away from Mike just when we’re starting this relationship.

Mike and I walk hand-in-hand along the beach, wearing the hoods of our hoodies over our heads to keep the cold out. You can hardly see anything out past Haystack, and the water is turbulent. Some people get sick of it, needing the sun, but I love it.

Willow bounds over to us, drops her ball, and Mike picks it up and tosses it down the beach again. She instantly sprints off after it. Because the beach is virtually empty, we keep her off her leash.

She gets her ball and runs back to us, bouncing around. I take it from her mouth and toss it into the water. She loves splashing in the ocean.

Since we’ve been out here, Mike hasn’t said a word.

Hell, I haven’t either. I want to chalk it up to our hangovers, but I know it’s more than that.

It’s my job. I can’t say what’s in his head, but while he was excited for me last night, he also seemed off.

His smile never reached his eyes. I’ve known Mike my entire life, and I know when he’s not feeling right, even if he never says a word.

I squeeze his hand, and he looks at me, smiling softly, and again, that smile never reaches his eyes.

I swallow around the lump in my throat. My body shivers as the mist starts to penetrate, chilling me.

Maybe it’s more than that. Mike lets go of my hand and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close, and I snake my arm around his waist.

“I probably won’t get the job,” I finally say.

“They’re going to love you. They’d be stupid not to.”

I smile at that before I frown. “God, I wish I could find something here. The drawback of living in such a small town, I guess.”

Mike pulls me closer and kisses the top of my hooded head. “You do what you gotta do, baby. ”

I appreciate his support, but I notice the sadness in his voice. I’m sure this bothers him because it fucking bothers me. Fuck, why did I have to lose my job? Why did that kid have to run off?

I want to discuss these things with Mike and see how he feels about it, but I hold back.

Everything’s so new between us, and I’m afraid he’ll tell me he can’t do it.

That he can’t be with me while I’m gone for so long.

It’ll be hard to commute only on the weekends.

Maybe if we don’t talk about it, we can tough it out until the program is completed in a few months.

Fuck. I’m getting way ahead of myself. I haven’t even gotten the job yet. Another good reason not to deal with it yet. We can talk if I get the job.

Mike tosses the ball for Willow again and turns me to face him. He cups my cheeks with his cold hands. “Your goals are important, baby,” is all he says before pressing a small kiss to my lips.

“Thanks, Mike.”

Thanks for always supporting me and being there for me , I think, but don’t say the words.

I slide my hands inside his partially unzipped hoodie and rest my head against his chest. His strong arms wrap around me protectively, and he rests his chin on my head.

“I love you,” I say, but for some reason, a knot forms in my stomach from an irrational fear that he suddenly doesn’t feel the same. It’s stupid, I know, but it’s there, nonetheless.

“I love you, too, Den.”

I look up at him and waggle my brows, though the nerves still tug at my gut. “Wanna fool around?”

He finally gives me a real smile that brightens his entire face. “Yeah, I do.”

It took me nearly two hours to get to Hillsboro, a reminder of my long commute.

It could’ve been worse, though. I applied to a program near Crater Lake, which would’ve taken me six hours away from Mike.

I probably would’ve had to leave Cannon Beach altogether.

But no one called me about the job, so I chalked it up as a loss.

When I arrive at the school, I’m greeted by Esme Alexander, the school’s director, who appears to be in her thirties. She’s tall, slender, and her brown hair is cut into a pixie.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dennis.”

“Thank you so much for having me,” I say, shaking her hand.

She leads me to a small, cramped office, and I take a seat across from her desk. “As we mentioned on the phone, we’re looking for a Field Instructor. This is mostly for our Meriweather camp, located in Cloverdale.”

“Nice, I’m partial to the coast myself since I’ve spent my entire life in Cannon Beach.” And Cloverdale is only an hour and a half away. Still, this overnight thing is mandatory.

“We’re an all-inclusive program and encourage diversity,” she continues.

“I love that. I think all kids should have a chance at enrichment and education.”

She beams at me. “Exactly. We strive to promote a sense of community and a love of nature.”

“Sounds right up my alley and exactly why I majored in environmental education. ”

She smiles again and hands me a file. “These are the job duties and requirements for the Field Instructor. You’ll need to be able to train and mentor high school and college volunteers to teach the children in our program.

You’ll also be responsible for developing lesson plans for the counselors and teachers.

You would also be teaching elementary students, motivating them, and encouraging them about the importance of our environment. ”

I go on to explain my love of nature, how I grew up with it, and what my future plans are with my own program, which isn’t dissimilar to this one, so it would be a perfect hands-on experience for me. Fuck, I’m excited about this job.

“Even though the job is temporary, we really need someone highly motivated and committed. As I mentioned on the phone, you’ll have to stay during the workweek. You’ll have free room and board. But the program starts very early in the morning, and we need you to be hands-on day and night.”

I nod vigorously. “Yes, that won’t be a problem.” I hope it won’t, but my gut tells me this could affect my relationship with Mike. My only consolation is that it’s temporary.

However, my biggest worry is not getting this job because of losing my last one, and the reasons behind it.

I also fear that it’s the reason I haven’t been hired by anyone yet.

I royally fucked up that day by losing that kid.

Not only did I lose him, but he was injured, too.

It’s really hindered my ability to find work.

I just hope it’ll be different with this program.

I have no choice but to tell her what happened.

“I know I made a huge mistake that day. He just slipped away, and we didn’t even notice.

I’m grateful he wasn’t more severely injured, but every day I wish I could go back and do things differently.

Believe me when I tell you, lesson learned.

I’ll never make that mistake again. You can trust me.

I’m a hard worker, responsible, and dependable.

I go into things with everything I have.

You have my word that I’ll do this job to the best of my abilities. ”

Esme stands and shakes my hand. “We’ll definitely take that into consideration, Dennis.

You seem to really know your stuff, and you’re very personable and friendly, which the kids need.

There are other candidates we’re looking at, but you’ll definitely hear from us one way or the other in the next week or so. ”

“Thank you so much for talking with me and listening. I’m really excited about this job, and I hope you give me a chance.”

After we say our goodbyes, I get into my Civic and drive into town for dinner before I head home.

This is my first interview I’m actually confident about, and I think I’ve got a good chance of getting it.

I sit at the bar at Hillsboro Bar and Grill , and order a Philly cheesesteak sandwich and a beer on tap. The place is pretty packed for a Monday night, so I assume it’s a popular joint. As I wait for my food, I pull out my phone to see a text from Mike.

Mike: Well, how’d it go?

Me: Good. I laid on the charm extra thick ;)

Mike: LOL, then I’m sure you won them over.

Me: I’m having a quick bite to eat, then I’m headed home.

Mike: Call me when you get in.

Me: Will do, Mom

He sends me several eye-roll emojis, making me laugh.

Me: Love you.

Mike: Love you, too .

I read his words about ten more times. It never gets old.

My sandwich is pretty good, and I only drink half of my beer before I pay the bill and head back to Cannon Beach.

The two-hour drive doesn’t seem that long, but when it’s dark and there’s nothing to see, it can get boring. My phone is connected to my car, so I find a song on Spotify from the playlist Mike sent me a while ago on my way back and play Ordinary by Alex Warren. Such a damn good song.

I sing along to the lyrics, slowing my speed down once I reach the mountains. It’s misting out, and a lot of fog is building.

“Fuck,” I mumble and turn on my wipers. I’m literally in the middle of nowhere, but not too far now, so I keep pushing through to get home.

Out of nowhere, a small herd of elk walks across the road. I slam my brakes so I don’t hit them, but the road is slick, and I start to fishtail. When I overcorrect, I swerve my car.

“Oh, shit!”

I brace my arms to my face as my car crashes through the guardrail and down into a deep ditch, nose first, and lands in the creek below. My head hits something before the airbags go off. I’m dizzy and disoriented as I hang awkwardly by my seatbelt.

I groan and try to process, but my mind is blank until I finally come around. Once I get my brain in working order, I scratch the tickling under my nose, and my hand comes away with blood. “Jesus fuck…”

I need to find my phone. It’s still attached to the USB, so I tug on the cord to pull the phone toward me. After tucking it into my jacket, I unbuckle my belt, open my car door, and look down. The car is still nose down, the back leaning against some rocks.

My hands and body are shaking almost violently from the drop in adrenaline as I climb out of my battered car. As soon as I’m out, I lose my footing and slip on the algae-covered rocks, and twist my ankle before landing on my knees. “Fuckinggoddamnmotherfuckerbitch! Ugh!”

I pull myself to stand, huff in irritation, and open the trunk of the car. I reach in to grab my emergency backpack, which I always have with me, stuffed with water, snacks, rope, a flashlight, spare clothes, and a blanket.

When I’ve got it on my back, I climb out of the ditch and onto the road. It’s not that deep, but it’s enough to total my fucking car. Good thing Civics are safe cars, otherwise I would’ve been fucked.

I stand on the road and pull out my phone to call for help, but I’ve got no signal up here. “Hike it is, then.”

My ankle and knees hurt like a bitch, and I’ve got a headache coming on, but I have no choice but to walk until I can get a clear signal.