Page 15 of It’s Only Love

Mike

Willow whines next to me, reminding me I’m lingering in front of the bag of Open Farm dog food.

Once I open the bag, she starts tap dancing with her front paws on the linoleum kitchen floor.

Fuck, I love that sound, along with her eagerness and sunshine-y vibe.

She reminds me of Dennis. At least since she grew into a healthy and energetic pup.

I swear she must be his spirit animal. When they’re together, Dennis and Willow become a tornado of pent-up energy that just sucks you right in and spins you around until you have to either resist or just go with it.

I mostly just go with it. I snap a quick picture and send it to Dennis.

Me: You ready for Polka Pup? Wear a drool-proof tee cause she’l l

be all over you.

My jaw aches from smiling. Shit, I’ve missed him.

So fucking much. He’s finally home for good now, and in a few hours I’ll get to see him.

The Holbrooks are having a welcome home and graduation brunch for Dennis.

Unfortunately, Aaron can’t get away from school to make it, but they’ve invited some of their closest friends, including Mom and me, so it should be a good gathering.

I have only a few hours of work this morning, and then I’ll join them.

Once I place Willow’s bowl on the floor, it’s dog against kibble, and within twenty seconds, it’s all over.

I’m not kidding. Twenty seconds. I filmed it once and sent it to Dennis because he thought I was making that shit up.

Even after all this time, despite the food and a safe place to live, she still acts like it’s her last meal.

Then, because she’s not convinced she got it all, she tips her bowl and looks under it. She does this every damn time.

Then comes the stare-down, where she telepathically tries to convince me that either a) “ I haven’t had my breakfast yet and you just dreamed you gave it to me ,” or b) “ Are you serious, motherfluffer? You call that breakfast for a growing gal ?” Yeah, she’s a real handful, that’s for sure, but she’s become my sidekick, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I shoo her off, and she disappears into the backyard.

After I’ve filled my thermos with freshly brewed coffee, I head into the mudroom to tug my boots on and grab my old beat-up hat.

Dennis teases me every time I put it on, saying I need a new one, but for some reason, I can’t seem to part with it.

I feel the same about my truck and my worn denim jacket.

Yeah, I have a thing about… things. If I paid some fancy therapist half my paycheck, they would probably tell me I have a hard time letting go of things and that it all stems from losing my dad at an early age.

They wouldn’t be wrong. I know I cling not only to stuff but also to people, like I do with Dennis. I really hope I can hold on to him.

He said he would come back to Cannon Beach to stay after college, but I just assumed he would eventually change his mind and move on, that he would meet new people and want to explore the world.

But true to his word, he’s coming home. And if I could sum up how I feel about that, it would be giddy.

I’m fucking giddy. Elated. I can’t fucking wait to see him, hug him, and start this next chapter of our lives together.

Well, not together -together. Not like that.

I quickly pull on my boots and forego the jacket, and, since it’s going to be a hot one today, I put on my hat. When I’m ready, I whistle once, and within seconds, Willow, aka Flash, comes bolting from the backyard. I bend down and rub her forehead, right between her pointed ears.

“Good girl, Willow. There’s a good girl.” She grins at me, her deep brown eyes vibrant and expectant. “You ready, baby girl?” She tilts her head, like she does every time I lift my voice in a question.

She still looks like a black fox. She’s a real beauty, and when I bring her around town, people—women to be more specific—stop me, then fawn over her.

I know most of them, and I’ve even dated a few of them.

If you can call a couple of visits to the drive-in or a meal here and there, dating.

I had sex with some of them, too, and I know at least a handful hoped for more.

It’s not that I didn’t want to, but something just always felt off .

I like the idea of being with someone, but in real life, it just doesn’t work out for me.

There’s no connection. No spark. The few times I ended up having sex, there was no real physical attraction spurring me on, but more the need to want it, if that even makes sense.

I remember how Aaron used to talk about girls, and how he would get hot for them and wouldn’t be able to think about anything else.

I’ve never experienced the physical need to be with another person.

So, I just end up feeling all wrong instead, like I can’t be in that moment with them.

I can’t let go and be myself. Not like when you’re with Den. You can let go with him. Right.

I tap my thigh twice. “Let’s go!” Willow bounces past me and sprints down the driveway like the ground is made of lava.

She barks on the way, and I can’t help shaking my head, chuckling.

It sounds like she’s warning the world she’s coming.

That she’s a badass, which she is, and they better be ready for her.

I laugh when Dennis’ voice pops into my head. He does this thing sometimes where he gives Willow a human voice. It’s hilarious. ‘Get out of my fluffing way, motherfluffers. Move it or lose it!’ Then at me, ‘Get your butt in gear, old man, or I’ll find me a new doggy daddy!’

Willow is waiting for me, wagging her tail against the ground, blowing up dust around her.

Aside from the usual birdsong, the world is still quiet, barely waking up.

I’ve been holding down the fort while the Holbrooks went to Eugene for Dennis’ graduation.

Since last year, when Wayne retired, I’ve been second in command, and I love it.

The extra responsibility suits me just fine, along with the salary raise.

While I love living with my mom, I really want a place here in Cannon Beach to call my own.

I’ve been saving money to build something from the ground up with my own two hands.

I even have my eye on a sweet plot of land just a little outside of town.

I throw open the passenger door and tap the seat next to mine.

Willow jumps in and doggy smiles at me, the green of the bandana around her neck bright against her jet-black fur.

I can’t help but chuckle as I take her in.

It reads ‘ CEO’ in bold white letters on the front of the bandana.

Dennis had it custom-made and gave it to her on her first birthday, which coincided with Jon promoting me.

I know it was a dig at me, but he isn’t wrong.

Willow is the boss of me. I’m so whipped.

My only consolation is that Dennis will be too .

I start the truck and make my way out onto an almost empty street.

I know the drive to the company office like I know the back of my own hand, but I’m always mindful when I drive.

It’s only May, but the sun blasts through the windshield.

I hope Dennis puts on sunscreen if he goes for a run this morning.

It’s like him to forget. He doesn’t burn that easily with slightly olive skin, but he’s an outdoorsy guy, and prolonged exposure will burn the skin, particularly his ears and the tip of his cute nose. Cute . Right.

My fingers itch to shoot him a text to remind him, but I know he hates it when I treat him like a kid.

He’s far from a kid anymore. I’ve noticed the subtle changes every time he’s come back home for a visit.

And not just the obvious physical changes.

No, the depth of his voice, along with the maturity in his eyes.

His mannerisms are no longer those of a child but of a grown man.

The way he moves, the way he laughs, the way he smells…

When I stop for gas, I check my phone again, but my message from earlier is unread.

It’s still early, but it feels like ages since I last spoke to Dennis.

Before his graduation, I texted him a few times, asking if he wanted me to come, but when I didn’t hear back, I decided to stay behind.

We could’ve easily closed for a few days, according to Jon, but I didn’t want to be that weird friend cramping Dennis’s style on his big day.

Dennis’ mom asked me about it a couple of times, to make sure I didn’t want to go.

I wanted Dennis to want me there. I wanted him to ask.

Sure, it stung a little at first, but I figured he was just too busy.

No, it stung more than a little. We’ve always been really close, and I wonder if things have changed between us.

Anyway, we’ve got plenty of time to hang out and catch up now that he’s back for good.

I drive through town, and as I pass the hardware store, my thoughts drift to Dad.

I wonder what life would’ve been like if he hadn’t died, how our relationship would’ve turned out.

We were always close, and I would like to think that we would’ve continued to be so.

I think that’s why I enjoy working for Jon.

He’s not a replacement for Dad, but over the years, Jon has become a father figure to me, treating me like one of his own.

It’s just the kind of man that Jon is. That’s why Aaron and Dennis have become the kind of men they are.

Jon and his wife Sarah are good people. They’re welcoming, open-minded, and open-hearted.

They were like that when Aaron first brought his girlfriend home, and they’ll be like that when Dennis brings a boyfriend home one day.