Page 52 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

One week later…

With her chores for the day done and dusted—literally—Jan relaxed back against the kitchen counter and sighed.

She hated cleaning; there had been a time when she’d considered hiring someone only for Phil to insist that he would do it.

But Morgan was headed over this evening once her shift was over…

and Jan wanted to finish anything that needed doing beforehand.

The thought of doing anything other than giving Morgan her full attention tonight filled her with dread.

Morgan had worked the late shift last night, followed by the day shift this morning, so time together was all Jan wanted.

She turned for the coffee machine and powered it on.

A quick caffeine fix would see her right, and then she could prepare for that beautiful evening with Morgan.

Because, yes, evenings had become exciting since she’d met Morgan.

Gone were the days of Jan sitting at home alone, waiting on a call from Phil from wherever he was in the country.

Gone were the days of settling simply because that’s what was expected of her.

Morgan made her feel, made her think, but more than anything, she had made Jan fall back in love with life.

That said a lot about who Morgan was if she could pick Jan up so suddenly, given what had happened over the last few months.

As she sat a cup under the spout of the coffee machine, the doorbell rang. Her pulse quickened at the thought of Morgan waiting on the doorstep, arriving earlier than planned, so she rushed down the hallway and yanked the door open.

“Oh, Finn. Hi.”

“Hey.” Finn dipped her head and scuffed her boots against the ground, her hands shoved in her pockets. “Do you have a few minutes?”

Jan frowned. “Sure. Come in.”

“Thanks. I won’t stay long. I’m sure you’re busy.” Finn brushed past Jan and moved down the hallway and into the dining room. When she turned, she smiled and shifted uncomfortably. “I just wanted to touch base with you.”

“Touch base?”

“Yeah. I haven’t stopped by to apologise properly for the way things went the other week,” Finn said as she cleared her throat. “And I’d really like to do that.”

“Okay.” Jan had to smile at that. Finn wasn’t a bad person—far from it, actually—but she appreciated that she’d come here to apologise fully. It meant a lot to Jan. “Maybe we could have coffee?”

“Yeah, that would be great, thanks.” Finn slid her jacket off and hung it over the back of a dining chair. She sat down and clasped her hands in front of her on the table, chewing her lip. “Morgan not here today?”

“She’s working. She’s coming over this evening.”

“Nice.” Finn nodded slowly. “I think we’re allowed back in the bar after us being there last week, but it feels a bit strained still. Understandable, though.”

“She hasn’t said anything to me about either of you, so I couldn’t possibly explain anything regarding your friendship with her.

” Jan carried two coffees through from the kitchen and sat down facing Finn.

“I’m sure she’d be happy to have a conversation with you about it if you think that’s what needs to happen. ”

“Yeah, maybe. I…don’t think she’s bothered either way.”

Jan knew Morgan would warm to Finn again when she was ready to. Until then, she wasn’t getting involved. Morgan was entitled to feel whatever way she felt surrounding the fallout. “Give it time.”

Finn wrapped her hands around her coffee cup and looked up at Jan. “And us?”

“What about us, Finn?”

“Do I need to give that time, too?” She stared back at Jan with a sadness in her eyes. “I would have come here sooner, but I wanted to give you and Morgan space to talk and stuff. I know I really fucked up, but I just…I can’t deal with the thought of you hating me.”

“Hate is a very strong word.”

“Maybe it is, but you’d be well within your rights to feel that way.

” Finn’s voice trembled, surprising Jan.

“If that is how you feel, please don’t see less of Gillian.

I can go out when you come over if you don’t want me there, or I can drive Gillian over here for girls’ night.

Just please don’t make my wife suffer because I went behind her back and spoke to Morgan at the bar.

I just…I was worried about you both. I didn’t want either of you to get hurt.

” Finn shook her head. “I had no idea what had been going on between you, so my natural reaction was to worry about you moving too fast, you know?”

“Oh, Finn. I don’t hate you.” Jan reached a hand forward and settled it over Finn’s. “We’re okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about everything that was going on?” Finn frowned as she looked back at Jan. “Gillian is more like your sister than your friend, but we had no idea what was happening.”

“I wanted to explore what I was feeling for Morgan. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone.” Jan could understand why Finn had asked that question. The three of them knew everything about one another at one time. “Morgan just wanted to do the right thing for me, which I appreciated at the time.”

“I don’t mean with Morgan. I mean with Phil. Gillian says you were in counselling before you found out about the affair.”

Jan smiled weakly and cast her gaze on her coffee cup.

“Everything has always been ‘Jan and Phil’. Neither of us could do any wrong in your eyes or Gillian’s.

I guess I just wanted to work through our marriage problems and come out the other side with minimal impact. For nobody to look at us differently.”

“We would have been there for you, you know.”

“I know, and looking back, maybe I should have spoken to you both. Perhaps I would have seen what was happening sooner if I had,” Jan said, pausing as she exhaled a long, slow breath.

“But you and Gillian were only just repairing your own relationship. Then I saw how madly in love you were with one another, and I just couldn’t bring myself to be honest about what was happening in my own life.

” Jan scoffed. “Pathetic, really, isn’t it? ”

Finn’s brows drew together. “What is?”

“Wanting to present as the couple you and Gillian have always known. Wanting to pretend that life was just perfectly fine.”

“I don’t think it’s pathetic at all. I think we all want our marriage to work, and when things go wrong, it’s hard to open up about it.” Finn lifted a shoulder. “I’m sure you look back now and see things you didn’t see before. Moments when you realised you weren’t as happy as you thought you were.”

“I’m having a lot of those moments lately.”

Finn took Jan’s hand this time. “Are you happy now, Jan?”

Jan beamed a smile as she nodded. “So happy.”

“Yeah?” Finn’s smile mirrored Jan’s. “Good. That’s good.”

“When I walked into the office that day and Gareth came to see me, I didn’t think I’d be happy ever again.

I knew I didn’t want to give Phil another chance, and I wanted the divorce the moment I knew the truth, but happiness wasn’t something I had any intention of trying to find.

Morgan just…came out of nowhere.” Jan allowed herself a moment to appreciate everything Morgan had done for her.

She smiled and dipped her head. “Even though I knew her as the owner of The Corner, that was the extent of it.”

“She is great. I know I said some things to you that likely resulted in you walking away, and I know I said one or two things that were…well, terrible things to say about a friend, but she is great.”

“She didn’t take advantage of me, and she didn’t use my situation to get whatever she wanted out of all of this. She…I don’t even know how to explain it. She was there for me on a level I never once expected.”

“I’ve never seen her so chilled out and enjoying life.

” Finn grinned. “She’s always been a workaholic, and I was forever teasing her about settling down, but seeing her with you at the bar last week was eye-opening for me.

” Finn relaxed back into her seat, the tension in the air no longer lingering. “You mean a lot to her, Jan.”

“We make one another happy, and that’s all I care about.

I don’t need huge declarations, and I don’t need someone to try too hard.

I just needed exactly what she gave me, and that was time .

All I wanted was time before I came to you and Gillian.

” Jan would never expect anyone to hide who they were or sneak around for her, but Morgan had done so without even being asked in the beginning.

“I don’t know what the future looks like right now, but Morgan will be in it for as long as I can have her. ”

“We are happy for you both. Now that the shock has worn off, we’re really happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Would you maybe call us when you think we could all get together and go for dinner or something?” Finn asked, that apprehension still in her eyes.

“Absolutely. I’ll speak to Morgan tonight and find out when she’s available.”

“Okay, but if she doesn’t want to, would you at least keep in touch with Gillian? As I said, I’ll make myself scarce if that’s for the best, but Gillian misses you a lot. I do too, but I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”

As Finn got to her feet, Jan did, too. No matter what, she wasn’t losing anyone she cared about. Jan opened her arms to Finn and smiled. “Come here. Everything is going to be okay.”

Finn stepped towards Jan and accepted the hug. She sniffled when she rested her chin on Jan’s shoulder, sighing as she relaxed against her. “I’m so sorry, Jan.”

“I know you are.” With a final squeeze, Jan drew back and cupped Finn’s face. “We carry on as normal, okay?”

“Okay.” Finn reached for her jacket and threw a thumb over her shoulder. “I’ll head off, but you know where we are if you need anything.”

As Finn strode down the long hallway, Jan cleared her throat. “Hey, Finn?”

“Yeah?” Finn turned with one arm through her jacket.

“How do you know when the moment is right?”

Finn stared back at Jan, utterly confused. “The…moment?”

“W-when did you know you were in love with Gill?”

The confusion clouding Finn’s eyes quickly lifted, and her brows rose.

“O-oh. Um, I think I knew I loved Gillian long before we were actually together. It was hard not to fall in love with her.” Finn shrugged.

“But I don’t think you can really base it on our relationship.

We spent so long trying to know what the right thing was that I probably told her I loved her a lot later than I would have liked to, you know? ”

“It’s just…I want Morgan to know what she means to me, but I’m worried it’s too soon.

” Jan wasn’t a fool, she knew she’d only separated from her husband near on three months ago, but did that really matter?

If she was in love with someone, then surely it was okay to speak it out loud.

“I’m worried she won’t feel the same way…

or that she’ll think I’m being ridiculous for feeling the way I do when I only signed my divorce papers the week before we worked things out. ”

“You want my advice?” Finn smiled when Jan nodded.

“Life is too short to not say what you’re feeling, Jan.

Dave was plotting to set Gillian’s house on fire while we were figuring out how to be together, so yeah…

you should say what you’re feeling when the moment is right for you.

” Finn stepped towards Jan and squeezed her hand.

“Fuck what anyone else thinks. If you’re in love with Morgan, then you do what feels right to you . ”

“It’s that easy?”

“Not always, but we don’t need to make things harder than they already are.” Finn let go of Jan’s hand and opened the front door. “Whatever happens, though, do not tell Gillian I knew you were in love with Morgan before she did. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Jan barked a laugh. “You’re right. I also won’t hear the end of it.”

Finn puffed out her cheeks, her eyes wide. “Good talk.”

“Thank you for coming over. It means a lot to me.”

Finn stepped out into the garden and smiled. “Thanks for being lovely and not kicking my arse right back out the door again.”

“I’ll be in touch with some dates for dinner. Get home safe, Finn.”

Jan closed the door and pressed her back to it, a million and one thought whirring around her head as she closed her eyes.

Could Morgan come here tonight and learn what Jan was feeling?

She didn’t know, but she wasn’t dismissing the idea completely.

If the moment came, then Jan would do exactly what Finn had suggested… and do what felt right.