Page 16 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

“Well, he was always generous. He just chose to be generous with his dick, too.” Jan brushed a thumb under Gillian’s eye. “Please don’t cry for me. It’s not worth the tears. Even my own seem to have dried up suddenly.”

Gillian cupped Jan’s face and regarded her with a look of ultimate sadness. “I’m so sorry for what he’s done to you.”

“Me, too.”

* * *

Rummaging around in her handbag for her keys, Jan took a deep breath when she felt the cool metal reach her fingertips.

She was glad she’d spoken to Gillian about the affair, and now she wanted to get a few more belongings and go.

Quite frankly, she didn’t feel anything when she looked up at the light blue front door that had once held so much love behind it.

In this moment, as she pressed her hand to the wood and pushed it open, she felt that emptiness all over again.

You don’t feel that way when you’re with Morgan.

It was true. Jan knew she couldn’t use Morgan as some kind of crutch, but when she was with Morgan, she barely thought about Phil and what he had done to her.

Perhaps that was just Morgan’s personality, Jan didn’t quite know yet, but whenever she could have her mind taken off the dreadful days about to commence, she would.

She lowered her handbag to the floor in the hallway and threw her keys onto the side table.

As with the last time, everything sat in place immaculately.

It smelled like home. It looked like home.

It just…didn’t feel like home anymore. Jan had the chance here to see if that feeling ever came back, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to take it.

The one thing she had always promised herself before she married Phil was that she would walk if he ever hurt her in any way.

Physically, emotionally, it didn’t matter.

This, what he’d done, was the ultimate betrayal.

Friends could tell her to work it out, but Jan didn’t want to.

She would never trust Phil again, no matter how much grovelling took place.

Pulling her shoulders back, Jan walked down the hallway and pushed the back living room door open. She heard voices, and as she peered into the kitchen, Phil and Anais sat at the dining table. Phil’s eyes immediately landed on Jan; the shock evident as he stared back at her.

“J-Jan. Hi.”

“It’s not enough that you fuck her everywhere else…now you have to bring her here, to the home I still own with you?”

Anais shot to her feet and turned to Jan. “Jan, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not me you need to apologise to. I couldn’t care less about your conscience. It’s your poor, distraught husband who couldn’t even look me in the eye as he told me about the affair. That’s who you should be speaking to and apologising to.”

Anais sunk back down into the seat she’d been occupying when Jan arrived.

“But by all means, you have a seat at my dining table in my home.”

Phil cleared his throat and crossed the kitchen. When he landed in front of Jan, the scent of his aftershave making her feel queasy, she took a step back. “Jan, we need to talk. I know you don’t want to, but we should. It’s important.”

“No, no. It’s not important.” Jan backed further away. She placed a hand on the doorframe to steady herself and looked Phil square in the eye. “It’s over, Phil. It doesn’t matter what you say to me, we’re over. Completely. Do you understand that?”

Phil shook his head. “I’ll reject the divorce.”

“You do that. Make it harder than it already is for me. You know, like the good husband that you are.”

“For fuck’s sake, Jan. I made a mistake. We both did. Anais is going back to her husband, and I’m coming back to you.”

“I couldn’t care if Anais took a long walk off a short pier—that’s her decision and hers alone. But you? Oh, no. You’re not coming back to me. I don’t want you.”

“But we have the house and the business. We’ve been together for so long, love. Give me a chance. Please?” Phil dipped his head and found Jan’s eyes, but all she saw staring back at her was deceit. That…and a man she couldn’t trust. “Jan, I know you still love me deep down.”

“You know, if you’d come to me all those months ago and told me you were unhappy, I would have tried to work it out with you. That’s what I thought we were already doing by going to counselling. But you didn’t. You found what you needed with someone else, and now I’m done with you entirely.”

Jan calmly walked away from Phil and took the stairs.

When she landed in the bedroom and eyed the wardrobe where her large suitcase was hidden away, she took a deep breath.

At forty-eight, she never imagined she would be leaving the house she had turned into the most beautiful home.

When she’d woken up on what felt like a very distant Monday morning just last week, she hadn’t anticipated packing up her clothes so she could retreat to a lonely hotel room.

But here she was, still sure and still ending the only thing she’d known for as long as she could recall.

“Jan,” Phil spoke quietly from the bedroom door. “Can we just sit down and talk?”

“The only time I’ll be sitting down to talk to you is with a lawyer present.” Jan glanced over her shoulder at Phil. The colour had drained completely from his face. “I don’t want to fight with you, Phil. I just want to get what belongs to me and go. Is that so hard for you to understand?”

“But I love you.”

Jan spun around. “I slept with someone else.”

“W-what? When?” Phil lowered himself to the edge of the bed and rubbed at his stubble. “In the past?”

“On Monday,” Jan said matter-of-factly. “So, there we have it.”

“You did it to get back at me, and I understand that. Let’s call it quits and figure our marriage out together.”

Jan barked a laugh at that. “I did it because they wanted me. I did it because I spent the most amazing evening with them. I did it because while they were inside me, I wasn’t fucking thinking about you and how much you hurt me.”

Oh, you would have enjoyed it regardless of why it happened.

Phil’s face fell, but Jan wasn’t surprised. She didn’t make it a habit to be so crass, but perhaps he would understand what she was saying if she approached it in this way.

“You can think what you want of me; I don’t care, Phil.

The moment you climbed into bed with that woman downstairs was the moment you were no longer my husband.

So, please, let me get what I need so I can be gone.

You’re probably waiting to bring her up here anyway.

Or have you already had her all over the kitchen? ”

“Do you have to speak like that?” Phil scoffed and got to his feet. “This isn’t you, Jan. I never once thought this would be your reaction.”

“No, I know you didn’t. What you thought would happen and what has actually happened is quite shocking to you, isn’t it?

You thought your good little wife would roll over and take it lying down.

You thought I’d forgive you because you’re my husband.

Well, you’re wrong,” Jan paused when she heard the front door slam shut.

“And now…you’re on your own.” She cocked her head and smiled, but Phil stared through her.

“There’s a microwave meal in the fridge.

Enjoy it and get used to it because I sure as hell will never cook you another meal again. ”

With his shoulders sagged, Phil blew out a breath and turned for the door. “You’re making a mistake, but if you want to go, I won’t stop you.”

Jan cleared her throat. “Hey, Phil?”

He turned, and if Jan was judging this right, Phil seemed…hopeful as he smiled back at her. “Yes?”

“Do me a favour and fuck off.”