Page 46 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

Another day.

Another mindless shift spent behind the bar.

Morgan usually enjoyed a night off a week, but with no reason to spend any time at her place, she hadn’t bothered to schedule any days off.

She had worked every day and night since Jan had asked for space, and two weeks on, nothing had changed.

Morgan had craved to reach out, to ask Jan how she was doing, but she wasn’t sure what would come out of her mouth if they did speak.

Morgan would probably say a few things Jan didn’t need to hear—about how much Morgan missed her—and it would only make everything worse.

Right now, it was bad enough.

She lifted a hand and waved as Eric came limping through the door. He’d spent most of this week reeling off story after story to Morgan, but she’d appreciated it. It stopped her from thinking about Jan, and it stopped her from walking the streets night after night. She just felt…lost.

You’re not lost. You’re stupid.

Morgan laughed and shook her head. She rarely found herself speechless when it came to women, but Jan wasn’t just any woman.

For the time Morgan had spent with her, Jan was her world.

Everything she did each day was done with Jan on her mind.

When she woke up alone, Morgan didn’t feel alone.

Because she knew at some point, she would see Jan again.

To have that so intensely and then lose it so suddenly, Morgan found it hard to wrap her head around.

“Morgan?”

Morgan sighed and turned towards the voice at the end of the bar. “Yes?”

“The bar is quiet. Come and chat with me.”

Morgan didn’t know why Amanda was there.

Morgan sure as hell hadn’t invited her. They hadn’t spoken since Morgan had cut her loose over two months ago, so when Amanda had come strolling through the door over an hour ago, Morgan hadn’t known what to do.

She could have asked her to leave, but it was a customer, and it wasn’t ideal to turn that down.

Thankfully, Amanda had been respectful and mostly quiet since she’d arrived. “I’m good here. I have customers.”

Amanda lifted a brow. “Are they invisible? Because I don’t see anyone who needs serving.”

Morgan groaned inwardly. She was beginning to wish she had taken the night off. At least then, she could have lied and told Amanda she wasn’t home. “I have a job to do. I can’t stand around talking to you all night.”

“You used to.”

“Yeah, well, things are different now. You know this.” Morgan approached Amanda and lowered her voice. “If you’ve come here expecting something more, you can leave. I’ve told you where we stand with one another and that’s that.”

“I do miss you.” Amanda stroked the tips of her fingers over Morgan’s hand, where it rested on the counter.

Morgan drew it away, not wanting to give this woman an inch.

If she did, Amanda would think something was happening here.

It absolutely categorically was not. “My marriage is complicated. I didn’t tell you about him because I didn’t think it mattered. ”

Morgan scoffed and shook her head. “You’re joking, right? Why wouldn’t it matter?”

“Because we weren’t serious, and you made sure I knew that every time I came here.”

“That’s beside the point, Amanda. Whether we were serious or not doesn’t change the fact that you’re married.” Morgan ran a hand through her hair. “Do you have any idea how affairs affect people? What it does to them and their self-confidence?”

As Morgan said that, her thoughts instantly turned to Jan.

The pain and turmoil on her beautiful face the night she sat in the very spot Amanda had taken on arrival.

She couldn’t ever put herself in that position with a married woman ever again.

In future, if there was anyone else, Morgan would insist on knowing the truth before she dared to continue.

“Is that what this is about? You’ve been cheated on in the past, and now you’re hurt that I didn’t tell you about my husband?”

“No. It’s nothing to do with that. I just don’t like knowing you put me in that position. I mean, what if he’d found out and turned up here one night? If he’d had something to say to me in front of all my customers? I’d look like a right twat then, wouldn’t I?”

“He never would have known. He barely knows I’m in the same house as him at times.”

Was Amanda in the same situation that Jan had never realised she was in? Was she also living through a one-sided marriage? God, Morgan hoped not. She couldn’t deal with two divorcing women. No way. “If you’re not happy with him, you should tell him that.”

“It’s not that simple. It never is.” Amanda curled her finger and beckoned Morgan closer. As Morgan dipped her head, expecting maybe an apology, Amanda brought a hand to her cheek. “ You were who I wanted to be with. I wish you could have given me another chance.”

Morgan peeled Amanda’s fingers from her cheek and stepped back.

“You have a husband. I could never give you another chance.” A whoosh of cold air hit Morgan as the bar door opened.

Thank God she had a customer to see to. The longer she stood here talking to Amanda, the more she felt inclined to ask her to drink elsewhere. “And now I have to get back to work.”

She turned away from Amanda and puffed out her cheeks. Morgan just didn’t need this right now. She was dealing with her own shit.

With a forced bright smile, she moved further along the bar and looked up. And then everything within her froze, her pulse thundering in her ears as she gazed across the room.

Jan…was standing there.

* * *

Jan gazed back at Morgan, almost smiling when Morgan’s mouth hung open and she blinked repeatedly.

Was that a good sign? Was Morgan happy to see Jan?

God, she really hoped that’s what this reaction was.

If Jan had got this wrong and Morgan didn’t want to see her ever again, then she would walk out of here feeling embarrassed.

Only she knew Morgan, and Morgan would never make her feel that way.

She would accommodate Jan, then let her down gently in private.

Even after Jan had done the one thing she’d never wanted to do… leave Morgan without answers.

“H-hi.” Morgan cleared her throat. “I, um… I didn’t think I’d see you in here again.”

Jan hesitated but eventually moved closer.

She felt eyes on her from the other end of the bar, and as she looked in that direction, everything within her recoiled.

Amanda was here. The very woman Morgan had told Jan there was no chance of reconnecting with.

The only reason Jan even knew it was Amanda was because she had tried to re-add Morgan on social media once Morgan had removed her from her profile.

You spent too long figuring your life out…and now it’s too late.

She held her composure as she focused her attention back on Morgan. Yes, she was disappointed, but she wouldn’t show it. Morgan was free to do whatever she pleased. “You…have company.”

Morgan held up her hands. “She’s a customer. Nothing more.”

Jan could only take Morgan at her word. She hadn’t lied to her before; there was no reason to think otherwise this time around.

“Could I have a glass of red, please?” Jan decided not to take a seat at the bar.

She had no intention of sitting within striking distance of Amanda.

No way. She took some cash from her purse and handed it to Morgan when her glass of wine arrived in front of her.

“It’s on the house.” Morgan pushed the note back towards Jan and smiled. “How are you?”

“I’m…doing much better.” Jan threw a thumb over her shoulder as she scrunched the note in her hand, aware that tonight wasn’t the night to talk things through.

To apologise to Morgan. Part of Jan had hoped Morgan wouldn’t be working when she’d arrived—she was almost certain it was usually her day off—but it didn’t really matter.

It was just nice to be out of the house and somewhere familiar again.

“I’ll just take a seat. It’s good to see you. ”

Jan crossed the room and smiled at Amanda when their eyes met.

She had no desire to fight with another woman for Morgan’s attention.

She had enough going on. Jan took her phone from her clutch bag and slid into the booth she usually shared with Gillian and Finn.

Right now, she wished they were here with her.

How much does Morgan hate you at the moment? I could really do with some company at the bar.

She set her phone down on the leather beside her and sighed. Perhaps coming here had been a mistake. Even if Jan had felt good about it as she left the house some thirty minutes ago, she was starting to have second thoughts.

Her phone pinged.

Do you want us to meet you there? I’m not sure of the reception we’ll receive, but I’ll be there for you if you need support.

Jan wouldn’t say it was support she needed. She just didn’t want to sit here looking like a lost soul while Amanda was around. It was quite clear that she and Morgan had been having some kind of heart-to-heart when Jan had arrived.

I’ll be okay. I’ll finish my wine and leave. The woman she was seeing before I came onto the scene is here. It’s a little awkward. I’ll call you tomorrow.

As she locked her phone and shoved it into her bag, Jan sat back in the booth and stared down at the table.

Was this what her life would be now? Lonely evenings in bars.

Dinner for one in a fancy restaurant. Days on end without human interaction outside of work.

It was a depressing thought but one Jan had to prepare herself for.

She reached out and brought her drink closer to her. The deep red liquid sloshed around in the glass, almost spilling over the side. Jan lifted it and sipped, only to lock eyes on Morgan, who was now standing at the end of her table. “Is everything okay?”

“You’re here.”

Jan’s brows drew together. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I can’t believe you’re here. Just…sitting here.”