Page 48 of Heal You (The Study You #3)
The disbelief Morgan felt as she sat here with Jan was quite startling.
She hadn’t expected her to walk through the bar door tonight, and when she had, she hadn’t thought for one second that anything positive could come out of it.
But…here she was, with her hand in Jan’s.
Here she was…with the biggest grin spread on her mouth, knowing this woman was back in her life.
How had this happened? Two weeks ago, when Jan asked for space, Morgan hadn’t seen a way forward.
She’d wanted to reach out and tell Jan that she understood—that she accepted the position she was in—but Morgan had been unable to find the right words in those moments when she’d stared at her phone.
As Morgan scanned the bar, completely empty for the first time this week, she was glad no customers were sitting around.
If they were, Morgan wouldn’t be able to spend this time with Jan.
If they were, she certainly wouldn’t be aching to press herself to Jan and remind them both of everything they’d shared so far.
“You okay, babe?” Morgan turned her body inwards and lay a hand on Jan’s thigh. “I really want to take this upstairs so we can talk, but I usually have an influx around nine-thirty.”
Jan drew Morgan into a kiss. One that had her head spinning and her palms clammy. When she pulled back a little, Jan smiled. “I’m fine. I’m perfectly okay sitting here.”
“Can I get you another drink or something?” Morgan felt slightly nervous, but she couldn’t fathom why. Perhaps it was the unexpectedness of this night. Maybe she was subconsciously worried that this would fall apart again. It had been so sudden the last time around that it was possible.
“Hey,” Jan whispered against Morgan’s lips. “Relax. Take a minute.”
Morgan cast her gaze between them as she leaned against the booth. “I’m sorry. I…didn’t think I’d see you again. I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“That’s understandable.” Jan’s acknowledgment of the situation meant a lot to Morgan. She hadn’t walked in here and expected all to be forgotten. “I should have come here sooner. Or called, at least.”
“Have you been okay?” Morgan searched Jan’s eyes, enamoured by the blueness of them tonight. Had they always been so intense, or had Morgan just missed Jan so much that everything seemed heightened? “While you took some time away, were you okay?”
Jan regarded Morgan with a wry smile. “The first week, no. Then Gillian came to see me, so the second week was better.” Morgan was glad Gillian had been around for Jan. She hated the thought of her just existing at home. “She…said you’ve cut ties with Finn.”
Morgan hadn’t come face to face with Finn in a fortnight now.
Part of her hoped that would continue, but the rest of her was just sad to have lost a friend.
Though, was Finn really a friend if she could interfere the way she had when it came to Jan and Morgan?
If that was considered acceptable, then Morgan didn’t want friends like that.
Regardless of the fact Finn was trying to look out for them both in her own way, it had still resulted in Morgan losing Jan. “Yeah. The night you texted me.”
“Could it be repaired?”
Morgan pondered the idea for a moment. She didn’t know the answer to that because it wasn’t something she’d thought about until now.
Did she miss seeing Finn around the place?
Yes, of course she did. But Morgan would not risk this again by having someone in her life who thought they could meddle without consequences.
She didn’t care who it was; it just wasn’t an option moving forward. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
“If it makes any difference, I’d like to see it repaired.” Jan squeezed Morgan’s hand and smiled. “Life is too short to fall out with people.”
“She’s the reason you and I haven’t seen one another for two weeks.” Morgan frowned, a little perplexed that Jan would want her to forgive Finn for fucking this all up. “I don’t forgive very easily. Not when someone has taken something so special away from me.”
“But…I’m sitting here right now telling you I want to be with you, Morgan. Everything else is irrelevant at this point.”
“And Gillian? Is she going to come in here and tell me what she thinks of me, of us , and I’m expected to let it go?”
“No. Gillian won’t do that. She’s supportive of my decision.” Jan cleared her throat. “I haven’t spoken to Finn yet. I think she may be avoiding me.”
“She’s lucky I didn’t smack her in the face when she came here the other week.
You’d just texted me and she walked through the door.
I was so fucking angry with her.” Morgan ran a hand down her face and sighed.
“I don’t care who she is to you or anyone else—I’m not putting up with shit like that.
I’m not losing you again so they can either get on board, or they can just deal with me being around. ”
Jan shifted closer, though Morgan didn’t know how it was possible.
She already felt as though she was wrapped around her.
Jan brought a hand to Morgan’s cheek and gave her a knowing look.
“And I’d never expect you to put up with it.
What you and I do is nobody else’s business.
” She stroked a thumb against Morgan’s skin, reminding her of what every last touch had once felt like.
“I think you did the right thing in cutting Finn off. She has to understand that she can’t behave like that and get away with it. ”
“Y-you agree with me?”
Jan smiled. “If nothing else, I think it may have reminded her of what she could potentially lose.”
“As it stands, she has lost me. I’m not going to bend over backwards to make her feel more comfortable in my life, and if the time comes, I’ll tell her that.
” Morgan was sick and tired of her love life forever going wrong.
She wasn’t doing it anymore. If she had the chance to be happy—and she did here with Jan—then everyone else could fuck off.
It was that simple. “I care about you, and I care about a relationship with you. If that means Finn and I are no longer friends, and I avoid situations that involve her and Gillian, then so be it.”
“They do understand that they’re in the wrong.
They realise they should have kept their opinions to themselves, even if their worries for us both came from a good place,” Jan said as she drew her hand away.
“I texted Gillian tonight when Amanda was here, and she didn’t seem overly enthused about coming. Because they’re not welcome here.”
“Maybe if they both changed their attitude towards me, I wouldn’t have to tell them they weren’t welcome here.” Morgan lifted a shoulder and got to her feet. She wasn’t sitting here talking about either of them any longer. “Glass of red?”
Jan smiled and offered a single nod as she said, “You’re a good person, Morgan. I’m grateful to have you in my life.”
Morgan rounded the bar and grabbed a beer for herself, then poured Jan a glass of red wine. “Then that’s all that matters.” As she gazed back at Jan across the room, the door opened, and a frantic Gillian stared back at Morgan.
“H-hi, um…I know you don’t want to see me, but I was wondering if you knew where Jan was? I can’t get a hold of her, and I’m worried.”
Morgan cocked her head towards the booth they’d been occupying for the last twenty minutes or so. “She’s sitting right there.”
Gillian frowned as she stepped further into the bar. “O-oh.”
Morgan watched their interaction, choosing to remain behind the bar until Gillian had said what she needed to say.
Only as she started to wipe down the counter, the door opened again, and Finn walked in.
Morgan turned her back and took her stock folder from the shelf beneath the bar, aware of the tension in the room as Finn’s eyes burned through her. “Your wife is at your usual table.”
“Morgan.”
Pinching the bridge of her nose, Morgan exhaled a deep breath and focused on the various bottles of whiskey along the back wall. “Yeah?”
“C-could we talk?”
Morgan turned around, anxiety written all over Finn’s face as she wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and cleared her throat.
Morgan remained silent while she mulled over the idea of sitting down to talk with Finn.
Since Gillian was also here, she would likely chime in when it was necessary.
At least, that’s what Morgan hoped for, judging by what Jan had said a few minutes ago.
While Morgan didn’t particularly care for or need either of their support in this, it would absolutely make life easier.
She didn’t want Jan to have to split her time or be mindful of bringing her best friend up in conversation around Morgan.
“I can just leave if you want me to. Jan is fine, thankfully, so if you’d rather not do this…I get it.”
Morgan nodded towards the stool on the other side of the bar. “Have a seat.”
Finn’s eyes lit up as she smiled, but the atmosphere was…strained. Morgan had no idea what would come of this conversation, but she would allow Finn the space to say what she needed to say. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“If a customer comes in, I’ll have to deal with that.” Morgan remained behind the bar, stepping towards the beer pump holding Finn’s usual beer of choice. “You want a drink?”
“Please. I haven’t had a good pint since…well, you know when.”
Morgan nodded as she lifted a glass towards the pump. “Plenty of places serve your beer, Finn.”
“And none of those places are my local or a bar I’d prefer to be at.” Finn sighed as she looked over her shoulder at Gillian and Jan. “Could Gillian?—”
“Have a glass of white wine?” Morgan quirked a brow.
“Y-yeah. If that would be okay?”