Page 30 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

Was this what it felt like after a night of clubbing when you were nearing fifty?

Jan slowly lowered herself to a seat in the shade and dropped her sunglasses over her eyes.

She’d woken with a headache—dehydrated, too—while wondering if she could have made better life choices last night.

Still, in that moment, Jan had thoroughly enjoyed herself.

She’d danced like she hadn’t done in at least twenty years. Morgan…was a revelation.

Jan didn’t particularly blame her marriage for the lack of fun over the years, but she was learning that working herself into the ground to please Phil wasn’t something she ever planned to do again.

Whether she remained at the business or not, Jan was making changes to her life.

Without a doubt. Morgan, too, given the conversation they’d had about her promoting Ben to manager.

Could this really be the beginning of a new life?

Could Jan honestly walk right into a full-blown committed relationship with Morgan?

Oh, you’re already there. Don’t fool yourself into believing otherwise.

She cleared her throat and lifted her phone.

Jan had a call to make, and she wanted to do it before Morgan returned from the local grocery store.

She didn’t need anyone to talk her out of this decision.

It was done. It was final. Jan was officially moving on.

She called Gillian, not surprised when it barely had the chance to ring before she answered.

“What’s it like? Is it hot? How’s the hotel?”

Jan lifted her legs onto a stool and sighed. “Paradise. All of it is just…perfect.”

“It’s pissing down here. It has been since yesterday morning.” Gillian sighed. “Thanks for calling me. I know you’re away, but I like to know you’re okay. Especially because you’re there on your own.”

“The hotel is gorgeous. It looks out onto the beach.” Even though Jan was feeling a little fragile this morning, she didn’t exactly have a hangover. It was tiredness more than anything. “I think I’ll lie by the pool today. It’s quite quiet at the moment.”

“No sun bed wars?”

Jan smiled. “No. None. I also have the option of lying out on my private terrace if I want to.”

“You have a private terrace?! Okay, I’m officially jealous.” Gillian groaned, but Jan understood. Nobody wanted to be stuck at home while their best friend was sunning themselves abroad. “Maybe I could pull a sicky at work tomorrow and fly out.”

Even though Jan knew Gillian was joking, she still felt a wave of anxiety at the prospect. “We should definitely arrange a holiday at some point. With Finn, too, of course.”

“That would be great, love. You can count us both in.” Gillian cleared her throat. “How have you been out there on your own? Has it given you time to decide what’s next?”

“Yes. That’s why I’ve called you.” Jan lifted her glass of water from the table and sipped it slowly. “Could you do something for me?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“You’re working from home today, yes?” Jan desperately hoped Gillian was. She needed her help.

“Mmhmm. Though, working is a bit of a stretch. Finn had a lecture this morning, and since she left, I’ve done nothing other than lay on the couch.”

“Could you go to the house for me and meet the estate agent at two?” That anxiety flared up again, but it was time. She couldn’t hold onto the place forever, hoping everything would magically sort itself out. “They emailed me this morning to say an agent was available to value it.”

“O-oh.”

“Gill, please. I want to know what I’m working with before I tell Phil I’ve had it valued. It’s nothing concrete, but it is a step.”

“You have my support. Of course you do. I just wasn’t expecting you to call me saying you were having the house valued.”

“If you don’t want to get involved, I understand.”

“I’m more than happy to get involved. Phil is dead to me as far as I’m concerned. I hope his dick falls off!”

Jan barked a laugh, quickly slapping a hand over her mouth when she realised just how loud she’d been.

“As I say, it’s just something to get the ball rolling.

I have no idea how long anything will take, and I can’t exactly look for a new place to live without knowing what kind of funds I have to do so. ”

“You’re being sensible. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if he turns up while I’m there with the agent, what am I supposed to say?”

“He won’t. I’ve checked the online diary, and he’s in Kent until tomorrow.” Jan had been lucky to get an appointment so quickly. Perhaps it was fate. “You won’t have to worry about that. He’s probably taken her on some spa retreat. Fucking pig!”

“Jan, love.”

“I’m fine. I don’t care where he is or what he’s doing. I just want him out of my life now, Gill. I want to put all of this behind me and live.”

“Okay. I’ll be there.” Gillian groaned down the line. “God, whatever you do…don’t fall for someone significantly younger than you. My body is dying this morning. I don’t know where I find the strength.”

Jan took the corner of her lip between her teeth to keep her from giggling like a teenager. She understood exactly what Gillian was saying, but Jan wasn’t at the stage of wondering where she’d find her strength. She had plenty left for Morgan and that delectable mouth.

“Are you still there?”

“Yes. I’m here.” Jan spied Morgan walking along the sidewalk between the pool area and their terrace. She quickly brought a finger to her lips when Morgan eyed her. “But I’m going to go now. I’d like to find a lounger before they’re all gone.”

“Okay. Well, lots of love, and I’ll drop you a text when I’m home from yours later.”

Jan smiled when Morgan lifted her legs from the stool and sat down, bringing Jan’s legs into her lap instead. “Okay. Bye, Gill. Talk to you soon.”

As she ended the call and slid her phone onto the table, Jan looked up at Morgan…

seeing her in a whole new light this morning.

Last night after the club had been intense, but it had been exactly what Jan had needed without her knowing it.

Morgan, those hips, and that fucking mouth…

“Hi.” Jan planted her feet on the floor and leaned in to kiss Morgan. “I thought you’d got lost.”

“Well, you were hardly moving when I was leaving before. I decided to stroll back and take my time.” Morgan held Jan’s chin as she tried to pull back. “My heart is still pounding when I think about last night.”

Oh, God . They couldn’t discuss it. Not yet. Jan was still wet thinking about it. “Please, not yet. I need to gather my thoughts before you say another word.”

Morgan smirked as she trailed her tongue across Jan’s bottom lip. “I have it playing on repeat in my mind. Give me a shout when you want a reminder.”

Jan shuddered but allowed the smile working its way onto her lips to spread impossibly wide. “ You are so bad.”

Morgan rose to her feet and guided Jan up with her. She wrapped an arm around Jan’s waist and pulled their bodies together as Morgan whispered, “And you are so fucking good.”

* * *

With the patio doors open and the sound of the ocean floating on the breeze, Jan lowered the volume on the TV and gazed in Morgan’s direction.

Tonight, they’d decided to have dinner early, then head back to their apartment to relax.

The whole clubbing scene had taken it out of Jan last night, and this morning, and Morgan didn’t look to be in much better condition.

Jan had spent the day rehydrating and trying to get her mind off the sheer filth Morgan had possessed last night when they’d returned from their night out.

God, Jan hadn’t known she’d had such stamina in her.

For the last hour, she’d spent every minute in her own head trying to figure out how to tell Gillian about what was happening here.

After Morgan’s heart-to-heart with her in Firgas yesterday, Jan was wary about coming out.

That didn’t mean she was considering staying in the closet, but she was hoping to deliver the news with minimal impact.

Jan didn’t have to worry about telling her own parents; her dad had never been in her life, and her mum had sadly passed away the year before Gillian divorced Dave.

But Gillian was the closest thing Jan had in terms of family, and it was important that Jan had the support of her best friend.

“How did you and Finn meet?”

Morgan gazed back at Jan with tired eyes. “My grandad lived on the same street as Finn.”

“Oh! Really?”

“Mmhmm. Finn was leaving her mum’s place when I was clearing out Grandad’s house after he died.

Finn, as you know, is younger than me so we didn’t hang out growing up or anything, but we got talking and she seemed kinda nice.

Before I knew it, she was helping me to send his things to charity or wherever else they were being shipped off to. ”

That sounded just like Finn. From the moment Jan had met her, it was clear she had a kind heart.

Even during those days when Gillian didn’t know what to do for the best, Finn was only ever concerned about Gillian.

It hadn’t mattered what she, herself, wanted.

Gillian was the priority. That had been the very moment when Jan knew they were made for one another. “Finn is…an old soul.”

“She is. She’s a great friend to have in your life, too.” Morgan grazed her fingertips over Jan’s knee and smiled. “She was the one who encouraged me to take on the bar.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we were out having a pint together one night in the bar across from The Corner. It had a for sale sign up, and I made a throwaway comment about how it would be cool to open a bar. There are plenty of pubs in town, but we didn’t have something that people could unwind in without it getting rowdy, you know? ”

“I do love The Corner. It feels far more welcoming than some places in the area.”

“And that was exactly what I wanted it to be when I was thinking up all those plans for the place. I didn’t imagine they’d come to anything; I wasn’t business-minded, and I didn’t know a thing about bars and breweries.

” Morgan dragged a hand through her hair.

The natural blonde highlights throughout it had started to lighten with the sun.

“I was living at my grandad’s place, but I’d always planned to sell it.

It was far too big for me, and I was nowhere close to being ready for a relationship, so it would have just been me rattling around in there. ”

Jan regarded Morgan with an understanding smile. Right now, she wished she could rattle around in her own huge house. “That’s how you came to live in the flat above it?”

“God, the place was a mess. The beams had rotted, the floor was ready to cave in, and I just didn’t feel good about anything I had to undertake.

” Morgan shook her head lightly. “Finn came in and ripped the place out. She was on an apprenticeship with a local joinery firm at the time and some of the guys she worked with offered a hand. Without her help, I probably would have given up and left the flat to rot further. I didn’t need to live above the bar, but it was a no-brainer when I saw what Finn had done with the place. She’s talented, I’ll give her that.”

“She designed and fitted my kitchen. I’ll miss it when we’ve sold the place.” Jan lay her head on a cushion and sighed. “It kind of became the centre of the house, you know? It was just so beautiful, and everyone was talking about it when they came to visit.”

“It could still be your kitchen if you speak to Phil and mention the idea of staying in the house.”

Jan sat upright and propped her head in her hand. “When you went out this morning for a newspaper, I called Gillian and asked her to do something for me.”

“Okay…”

“She met an estate agent at the house this afternoon. She has a spare set of keys. They’re going to value it, so I know what to expect once we put it up for sale.

” Jan’s voice almost betrayed her as the severity of what was happening sunk in.

“The time has come to get the ball rolling, and that means selling up.”

“Babe, I didn’t know you were doing that. I could have been here to support you if you’d told me you were making that call.” Morgan took Jan’s hand and brought it into her lap. “How do you feel about it all knowing you’re getting it valued?”

Jan took a moment to find the right words. Her bottom lip trembled as she met Morgan’s gaze. “Heartbroken.”

“Come here.” Morgan opened her arms and pulled Jan in against her.

“I wish there was something I could do for you, but nobody knows I’m even in your life.

” Morgan lowered a kiss to Jan’s hair as tears worked their way down her cheeks.

“I hate that I can’t be there for you. Not standing proudly beside you, anyway. ”

“That’s my fault. I’m sorry.” Jan sniffled and wrapped an arm around Morgan’s waist. “If I wasn’t such a coward, Gill would know I was here with you.”

“It’s not about being a coward. It’s about doing things on your own terms. I’ve never not understood that. I just wish I could be there for you…out in public, you know?”

“I know. But this, right here, is just as good…if not better.” Jan buried her face in the crook of Morgan’s neck and sobbed as she realised just what her life was about to become.

People would talk, friends would tell her she was stupid for not trying to repair her marriage, and Phil would walk away mostly unscathed. They always did.

“Hey, come on. Don’t worry about it. Everything is going to be okay, babe.” Morgan soothed a palm up and down Jan’s upper arm. “You’re strong, and you’re doing what’s best for you. Don’t ever forget that.”

Jan drew back and smiled when Morgan brushed a thumb under her eye. “It feels as though you’re the only person who is going to understand. That’s what scares me the most—nobody understanding that I don’t want to stay with a man who has hurt me the way Phil has.”

“Nobody else has a right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I get it completely, and I think walking away is incredibly brave.”

If Jan could stay on this island with Morgan forever, she would.

But neither of them could do that because they had lives back at home.

They had friends and people who cared about them.

Jan could only hope they would still care when the truth came to light.

“Thank you for being by my side. It means the world to me.”

“Hey,” Morgan whispered as she smiled into a kiss. “Unless you tell me to, I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Jan touched her forehead to Morgan’s, allowing the sound from the ocean to calm her. “Okay.”