Page 35 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

It was Morgan’s turn to frown this time. Jan knew it would be okay there. She’d parked it up on a few occasions now. “What’s going on?” Morgan slid from her stool and took Jan’s hand. “Babe?”

Jan eventually looked up at Morgan. “Could I make coffee upstairs? W-would you mind?”

Morgan guided Jan towards the door to her flat and turned her back on her customers. “You know you’re welcome to come here and be here whenever you need or want to.”

“I need a moment to myself, and then I’ll explain. I just…couldn’t face going back to that hotel room on my own.”

Morgan felt Jan trembling. She hated seeing her like this. Still, Jan would talk to her when she was ready to. “Go up. Do what you need to do. Put the TV on and get comfortable. The moment I’m able to, I’ll come up and see you, okay?”

“Don’t worry about me. You’re working, and I understand that. I just feel…better here. Less alone.” Jan smiled weakly. “That’s pathetic, isn’t it? To feel alone. While he’s happy and looking forward to a new future.”

Morgan wrapped Jan up in her arms, not caring who could potentially walk in. “You’re never alone. Not while I’m here. I promise you that. And it’s not pathetic. It’s completely understandable.”

“Thank you for always being here.” Jan turned her face into the crook of Morgan’s neck. She inhaled, and then Morgan felt her smile against her skin. “You mean a lot to me, Morgan. I hope you know that.”

“Hey,” Morgan whispered as she drew back. “I’ve got you. Whatever you need. Okay?”

Jan smiled. “I know. I’ll just…head up.”

Morgan reached out and opened the door for Jan, sighing as she watched her take the stairs slowly.

She had no idea what Jan was about to face, but it had certainly shaken her up.

Morgan closed the door again and eyed the clock on the wall.

Ben was due in for a shift in the next ten minutes, so Morgan would wait impatiently, and then she would be with Jan for as long as she possibly could.

She didn’t make it a habit to leave her staff alone on a shift, but Ben had been here since Morgan opened the bar, and he knew what he was doing.

Unless they had a huge influx of customers, Morgan wouldn’t likely be needed at all.

As if someone had been listening to her wishes, Ben came through the door with a huge smile on his face. “Hi, Eric. Nice to see you here again.”

“Is he being funny, Morgan?” Eric piped up from the other end of the bar. “Thinks he’s a bloody comedian, this one.”

Morgan laughed and smiled back at Ben as he approached her. “God, am I happy to see you.”

“Everything okay?” Ben took his rucksack from his shoulder and shoved his phone in the pocket of it. “I’m not late, am I?”

“You’ve never been late. I just have a few things I need to take care of. Can you hold down the fort here?”

“Oh, yeah. No problem at all.” Ben cleared his throat. “Tyler called me when I was on my way in. He’s looking for an extra shift or two a week, and I told him I’d run it by you. No harm asking and all that.”

Morgan nodded. Someone had to be looking over her today. “Any chance he can make it in today? I’ll pay you both extra if I can have the rest of the day and night off.”

“I don’t need extra. But I’ll call Tyler now and see when he can get here. You go and take care of whatever it is you have going on.” Ben sat a hand on Morgan’s shoulder. “I’ll just text you and let you know what he says.”

“Thanks, Ben. I owe you one.” Morgan took her phone from the shelf and rushed up the stairs to her flat.

When she opened the door, Jan was sitting on the edge of the couch with her head in her hands as she whimpered.

“Hey.” Morgan was with Jan in seconds, crouched on the floor in front of her.

“Babe, come here. Whatever it is, it’ll all be okay. ”

Jan sobbed uncontrollably into Morgan’s shoulder. The longer it went on, the more concerned Morgan became, but she would never show Jan that. She needed someone who could listen without judgement. Not someone panicking and worrying alongside her.

As Jan pulled back, trying to catch her breath, she wiped a hand across her cheek.

God, the look on her face was devastating.

Morgan wasn’t sure she even knew how to console Jan in this moment.

“Take a minute. Relax. No matter what’s going on, you’re safe here, and you don’t have to talk about it until you’re ready to. ”

“She’s pregnant,” Jan said, quite clearly deflated beyond belief. “The woman he’s been seeing…she’s pregnant.”

Morgan sat back on her knees and sighed. No wonder Jan was beside herself this afternoon. Anyone with a heart would be. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”

“And it’s not even that I’m bothered.” Jan reached out a hand and stroked Morgan’s cheek. “I’m in a different headspace now that you’re in my life. It’s just…I have to wonder if he did it because he wants kids.”

“It’s not something you ever talked about when you were married?

” Morgan frowned. Surely, Phil would have had that conversation with Jan in the early days.

“I mean, you can’t just decide randomly that you want kids.

Or can you? I don’t know.” This wasn’t really Morgan’s area of expertise.

But she would still do anything she could to ease Jan’s pain.

If that meant talking this through, then so be it.

“I can’t have children. We found that out very early on in our marriage.

” Jan plucked a tissue from the box on the coffee table and dabbed at her eyes.

Her mascara was already down her face, but Morgan would never point that out.

It wasn’t necessary. “I already feel humiliated and inadequate because he was having an affair with a woman much younger than me. This just adds another blow to how I feel about myself.”

Morgan placed a hand on Jan’s cheek and sat up on her knees. “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I am here for you. Your friends will be here for you too when you tell them this latest development. But you have to let them in, Jan.”

“I don’t want to let anyone into my bubble with you.

Because whether I tell them about Phil knocking up our employee or whether I tell them about us, you’re in my bubble.

In my life. You’re the only thing that makes any sense lately.

And in all honesty, that’s a pretty fucked up place to be in my head.

” Jan scoffed. “I mean, you’re a woman. I’m only just out of a marriage to a man.

Yes, my university days happened, but I still didn’t think I’d ever find myself in bed with a woman. ”

Morgan swallowed. She had to prepare herself for the possibility that Jan wouldn’t want to do this anymore. Eventually, she would come to her senses. Morgan knew it. “If you need space and to not be here with me, I get it. I just want you to do the best for you, babe. Nobody else. Just you.”

“And what about you?” Jan held Morgan’s hand against her face.

“I’m used to women deciding they don’t want to be with me.

I’ve lost count of how many have walked away.

It’s nothing new in my life.” Morgan hadn’t expected her voice to break, but it did.

“Just promise to be honest and upfront with me. If you don’t want to do this, if I’m not potentially in your future, please tell me that.

Don’t ghost me. I’d hate to never see you again. ”

“I would never do that to you.”

Morgan’s phone pinged on the table. She reached for it quickly, wanting Jan to know she had her full attention.

Tyler is on his way in. He can be here within the hour. He said he’ll lock up tonight with Megan.

Morgan shifted to the couch and sat beside Jan, relaxing into the soft leather. She turned her face to Jan when Jan also sat back and sighed, searching her eyes. “You wanna get out of here for a while?”

“Wouldn’t that be lovely?” Jan inched her hand towards Morgan’s and took it. “And for the record, I’m not walking away from you. You’re the only person I look forward to seeing lately.”

Morgan’s heart thrummed. God, she’d got lucky here. She just hoped it could last. “I look forward to seeing you, too.”

“You should probably get back down to the bar.” A sadness settled in Jan’s eyes. “I’ll get myself together and head back to the hotel.”

“I have the rest of the afternoon and night off.” Morgan shifted closer to Jan and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I asked Tyler to work so I could be here for you.”

Jan sat up and turned to Morgan, a look of disbelief flashing across her face. “You…took the rest of the day off for me?”

“Yeah. Wanted to be here because you walked into the bar in a terrible state.”

“Morgan, I?—”

“We don’t need to talk about it. I want to be here with you.

” Morgan leaned in and kissed Jan gently.

“After the week we’ve just spent together, I hated not being with you last night.

” Morgan was always mindful of what she said to Jan, aware that this could turn in a split second.

“I know I have no right to feel that way, to miss you, but I can’t help how I feel. ”

“Does it make me needy if I say that knowing you miss me makes me feel better about all of this?”

Morgan smiled. “No, not at all.”

“I…missed you too last night.”

Okay, Morgan hadn’t expected Jan to feel the same way. How could she when she had so much to deal with? “O-oh.”

“Don’t sound so surprised. Is it not quite clear that I enjoy being with you?”

“Well, yeah. I just…I don’t know. I couldn’t tell you the last time anyone missed me.”

Jan smiled into another kiss, her hand palming Morgan’s thigh. “Knowing what you’re capable of, I bet Amanda misses you.”

“Amanda has been the furthest thing from my mind since you came up here with me the night you were in the bar. Trust me, what I had with Amanda is not what I have with you.”

“Maybe we should get out of here for a while. If we don’t, we’re going to be very naked very soon.”