Page 44 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

“She was so happy Phil had decided to give her the house. That look on her face as I knocked on the door and she was in her own home… God, I wish I could have taken a picture.” Morgan sipped her whiskey.

“It was like she’d finally relaxed, knowing she didn’t have to worry about finding somewhere to live.

Even though I’d told her she never should have had to.

He should have done the right thing from the start and left. ”

“Wait! She’s back at the house?” Finn asked as she sat forward and scooted closer to Morgan. “Their house?”

“ Her house. Phil has a new place.”

“She didn’t tell us she was back at home.” As Morgan turned to Finn, she noted the guilt in her eyes immediately. “Though, I don’t suppose she had the chance to.”

“Do me a favour?” Morgan sniffled as she found the courage to say the words to Finn.

“Look after her. Make sure she’s okay. Just…

be there for her.” Morgan closed her eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I don’t blame her for cutting me loose—I’m not exactly reliable given the job I have.

But I was trying, Finn. I’d brought staff in tonight so I could surprise her at home. ”

“You never get staff to cover your shift.”

“Says a lot about what I thought of Jan then, doesn’t it?

” Morgan forced down the emotion in her throat, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“She was so worth it for me. We connected, and I couldn’t help how I felt about her.

Then when we spent the night together, I expected her to be gone by the morning.

I thought she would have freaked out and left before I woke up.

But…she didn’t. She stayed. She actually didn’t leave this place until I started my shift that evening.

” Morgan smiled. “She’s a great cuddler. ”

“You cuddled?” Finn’s brows rose, but Morgan understood. All of this was so far from who Morgan portrayed herself to be that Finn was bound to be surprised. “Fucking hell. She’s turned you into a new woman.”

“Nah, she just reminded me of who I am deep down.” Morgan knocked back her whiskey and poured another. She got to her feet and crossed the room to her bedroom door. “Close the door on your way out.”

“Morgan?”

Morgan sighed as she met Finn’s gaze. “Yeah?”

“I am sorry. I feel terrible.”

Morgan simply shrugged. If Finn wanted to feel terrible, that was her own choice. But this would be the last time anyone ever meddled in Morgan’s life. “Whatever you told her, you’re probably right. She probably sensed it, and that’s why I’m here, alone, once again.”

“Let me fix this. Please.”

“I understand that you’re sorry, but I don’t need you turning up at Jan’s place with a guilty conscience. It won’t help anything. She’s asked for space. She’s told me where she stands. I have to respect that. As Jan’s friend, I’d hope you’d respect it, too.”

“Gillian will?—”

“Gillian won’t do shit. She hates me. She’ll be glad to see the back of me.” Morgan leaned back against the wall next to her bedroom door. “Why does she hate me? And don’t tell me she doesn’t because I see right through it.”

“She’s never once said that to me. As far as I’m aware, she has no problem with you.” Finn’s eyes held a sincerity, but Morgan wasn’t convinced. “I swear to you, she’s never said anything bad about you.”

Morgan nodded. She couldn’t be bothered to discuss this any longer.

The only person she cared about, the only person she wanted to defend herself to…

was gone. Even if Jan hadn’t specifically stated that she’d called it quits, Morgan knew she had.

She felt it in her heart. “I really have nothing left to say.”

“Then I’ll say what I have to say.” Finn rose to her feet and lowered her glass to the coffee table.

“I’ve known you for a while now. In that time, all I’ve seen is a multitude of one-night stands come and go.

Whenever I ask you about settling down, you dismiss the conversation, or at one time, you would have thrown it back at me.

I’m now learning that I don’t fully know the real you, but what I do know is that you’re a good person, and I’ve hurt you.

By trying to protect one friend, I’ve hurt another.

You may not believe me, but it was never my intention for this to happen, Morgan.

When Jan left our place earlier, she didn’t once insinuate that she wouldn’t be seeing you again.

The way she spoke about you, how her eyes lit up when she brought up your name…

even I’m surprised she’s not here.” Finn’s shoulders slumped as she sighed.

“It’s…why I came here. To apologise to you together. ”

Morgan’s bottom lip quivered as Finn spoke from the heart.

“I’m very good at showing what I want people to see.

With Jan, I was myself. She liked it…I think.

You know, what she saw in me.” Morgan stared down at the floor.

“But I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to settle down.

Not after this. I can’t deal with being dropped all the time.

” How could Morgan look forward to settling down when even her own friend had been against it?

“I did think the potential was there with Jan, but I realise now that I was wrong, and I was hoping for something completely unobtainable.”

“Morgan—”

“I know you feel bad. Part of me is happy that you feel that way. You put those thoughts and ideas about me in Jan’s head. The rest of me just feels sad. For losing Jan and for losing you.”

“You haven’t lost me.” Finn’s brows drew together. “Why the hell would you think you’d lost me?”

“Because I choose to walk away from this friendship, Finn. I choose to put myself first and not keep people who don’t want to see me succeed in my space.

I want friends who back me. I want friends who fight for me.

You…you basically stabbed me in the back, and I won’t hang around long enough for you to twist the knife a little deeper. ”

Finn stood open-mouthed, blinking repeatedly. “Morgan, this is all going to work out. I know it will. Just give it some time with Jan. As for me… Well, I understand that I’ve hurt you, and I know I’ve fucked our friendship up.”

“Jan is never going to risk losing Gillian, and I’d never expect her to. But I do wish people would back me once in a while. Trust that I’m a decent person, you know?”

Finn looked back at Morgan with tears in her eyes.

“She’s going to need you both, Finn. Please take care of her.” Morgan stepped towards the counter and took cash from her wallet. “Pick some flowers up for me and take them over. A second housewarming or a ‘sorry I took advantage of you’. Whatever shit you decide to feed her on arrival.”

Finn’s shoulders slumped. “You should take flowers to her.”

“She doesn’t want to see me.” Morgan felt her anger beginning to rear its head again. “What part of that don’t you fucking understand?!”

Finn held up her hands. “Okay, okay. I get it. You want me to leave.”

“I wanted you to leave the moment you walked into the bar.” Morgan did step into her bedroom this time, a shiver working its way up her spine when she caught a subtle hint of Jan’s perfume.

“You know the most fucked up thing about all of this? I was falling for her, Finn. The only reason I forced myself not to was because Jan isn’t in a place where she can even consider a good, strong relationship right now. But I was. I was falling hard.”

Morgan slammed her bedroom door shut and turned, pressing her back to it as she slid to the floor. Whatever the future held, it wouldn’t involve Jan.

She took her phone from her pocket, gave herself a moment to breathe, and typed out a message.

You know where I am if you ever need anything. Having you, even if only briefly, has been the greatest pleasure of my life. Take care of yourself, Jan x

With a deep sense of loss sitting in her chest, Morgan sniffled and jumped a little when she heard her front door close.

Today had started out so perfectly, and now, Morgan didn’t know where to turn.

The one friend she usually talked things through with had actively destroyed what she was building.

If Morgan had learned anything recently, it was that she had to look after herself and never rely on anyone else.