Page 42 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

With a mixture of apprehension and disappointment settling deep within her, Jan knocked loudly on Gillian and Finn’s front door for the third time.

Her best friend was home, the white Audi out on the street proved that, and Jan didn’t have time to stand around on the doorstep.

She knocked again, pressing the doorbell, too.

“Alright! I’m coming!”

The door swung open, and Gillian stared back at her. She wore her reading glasses, a pen in her hand, quite clearly working from home today. Jan would say what she needed to say, and then Gillian could carry on with that work. “J-Jan, hi.”

“Hi. Do you have a minute?”

“Oh, um…yes. Come in.” Gillian frowned as she stepped aside, oblivious to the reasons Jan was here. “Look, I know we left things the way we did the other day, but?—”

Jan held up a hand and cut Gillian off. She wasn’t doing ‘buts’ today.

She’d had a gorgeous night with Morgan and an even better morning.

“You’ve already made it clear what you think of me, Gill.

What I won’t have is Finn showing up at the bar, demanding that Morgan stops seeing me.

” She shook her head. “I’m a grown woman. I can take care of myself.”

Gillian’s eyes widened suddenly. Had Finn not told Gillian about visiting Morgan? Huh. “Just…relax. Go through to the living room, and we can talk about it.”

“Would that be an actual conversation, or are you going to talk at me?” Jan didn’t enjoy falling out with anyone, but the last person she wanted to lose was Gillian Masters. They’d been through practically an entire lifetime together already.

“Fucking hell. What’s got into you, Jan?”

“I don’t appreciate people offering their opinion on something that has nothing to do with them.

” Gillian may have thought Jan was overreacting, but she was actually holding back right now.

The look in Morgan’s eyes when she’d gone to the bar yesterday only to find out Finn had been over to stick the boot in had been heartbreaking.

As though Morgan had done something wrong, and she felt terribly guilty.

Jan never wanted her to feel that way, and she wouldn’t allow anyone else to do so, either.

“Is Finn home? It’s her I’ve come to see. ”

“Yes, she’s in the living room.” Gillian wrapped her arms around herself and sighed. “This is all really unnecessary.”

Jan chose not to respond to Gillian. She was here to deal with Finn and Finn alone. She dropped her handbag at the bottom of the stairs and strode into the living room. Finn was lounging, watching TV, refusing to meet Jan’s eyes. “Can you turn off whatever you’re watching for a moment?”

“When you learn to speak to my wife with respect, yes.” Finn sat up and muted the volume, her hands clasped under her chin as she stared down at the floor. “I don’t appreciate you coming here speaking to Gillian like that.”

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Jan lifted a brow. “When someone comes at you or the woman you care about.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You. Going to the bar and telling Morgan that she should end things with me.” Calmly, Jan took a seat on the couch and waited for Finn to make eye contact with her. When she did, Jan continued. “I don’t appreciate it, Finn. Not at all.”

“Jan, you know we love and support you. I’m just finding it hard to understand how you and Morgan ended up in a relationship with one another.”

“Morgan has been there for me since I found out about the affair. She’s sat, and she’s listened.

She offered me her bedroom for the night when I’d spent the evening sitting in her bar with nothing I owned.

I’d been so disgusted by Phil that I left the house within minutes of getting home from the office.

I had my phone and my purse.” She smiled when she reminded herself of Morgan and everything she had done for Jan so far.

Finn snorted. “And what? You thought you’d sleep with her to say thanks?”

“Finn!” Gillian admonished from the other side of the room.

“I’m sorry.” Finn ran a hand through her hair. “But from what Morgan told me, you’ve been sleeping with one another since you found out about Phil.

“When I started sleeping with Morgan has nothing to do with you.” Jan’s brows drew together. “And I’m failing to understand why you think it does.”

“You’re my friend. I care about you. I’m worried that this is going to fall apart, and then you get hurt. You don’t need that right now. Not when you’re already dealing with a divorce none of us saw coming.”

“And you think I did see it coming?” Jan scoffed as she glared back at Finn. In this moment, she wasn’t sure this was the Finn she had become so fond of. “I was as shocked as you two, believe me.”

“Jan—”

Jan softened a little, but not enough to be less angry with Finn. “Morgan means a lot to me.”

“Morgan is…she’s complicated. I’m sure she would agree with me when I say that.

She doesn’t really do relationships, and that bar is her life.

” Finn shook her head. “Look, she was sleeping with someone else just before you left Phil. Amanda. Morgan kind of just takes life as it comes, you know? No commitment kind of thing.”

Jan understood that Finn knew a different Morgan from the one she knew herself, but that wasn’t the impression she got from Morgan at all.

She’d been honest about her situation with Amanda, and that was all Jan needed.

Honesty. “And the moment she found out that Amanda had a husband, she cut her off. At least she’s capable of doing that.

Unlike my fucking husband, who can’t keep his dick in his pants! ”

Finn shifted from the couch to her knees in front of Jan. She took Jan’s hands and gazed back at her with a pleading look. “Whatever you want, we’ll support, but please think about this. Decide if Morgan is really who you want to be with.”

“We’re officially dating now.”

Finn sat back on her knees and lowered her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then please, say nothing.” Jan drew her hands away from Finn’s. “If you and Gill can’t give me the time I need to work out who I am or where I’m headed, then all I can ask is that you keep your opinions to yourself and stay out of my personal life.”

“Of course we can give you time.” Gillian joined Jan on the couch and placed a hand on her shoulder. “We’re just worried about you, that’s all.”

“But you’re not. Not really. You’re worried about who I’m sleeping with, and I cannot for the life of me understand why, Gill.

” Jan knew this was a pointless conversation.

It wasn’t going anywhere, and it certainly wasn’t getting any better.

“While you two see the woman I’m sleeping with, I see so much more.

She just…she’s the only person I feel I can go to when I need to talk.

She listens and doesn’t judge me.” Jan sighed.

“I know leaving Phil is a shock, and I know it hasn’t been long since all of this happened, but why should I sit around feeling sorry for myself when I can be happy? Can’t that be enough for you?”

“Jan,” Finn said as she placed a hand on her knee. “Are you seriously expecting to just fall out of love with Phil and in love with Morgan?”

“I fell out of love with Phil the moment he told me the affair was true.” Jan swallowed, reminded of that day and all the pain it had brought with it.

Only that pain had been short-lived, and that was because of Morgan.

“He’s having a child with another woman.

He has a place of his own now.” Jan turned to Gillian.

“I know you want me to fall apart like you did, and I know you want me to need you, but I’m okay.

I’m alive, I’m healthy, and I’m okay, Gill. ”

“I never want you to go through what I did, Jan. That’s not what this is.”

“Then I don’t know where we go from here.

I don’t know what you want from me.” Jan ran her palms down her thighs and rose to her feet.

“It would have been nice to have my friends by my side while I try to move forward with my life, but I guess we don’t always get what we want.

” Drained and disappointed that this hadn’t progressed in the right direction, Jan swallowed down the emotion lodged in her throat and stepped around Finn, where she still knelt on the floor.

“All I want is to be happy. To find a new normal and not sit at home existing for the sake of it. My own husband was finding the happiness I couldn’t give him with another woman, yet I’m the one being told to hang back and decide what I want.

I’ve told you what I want…and that’s Morgan.

I don’t know how much clearer I can be about that. ”

“Jan, please don’t go.” Gillian followed her out into the hallway. “Stay, and we’ll talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. I’m sick and tired of talking. I shouldn’t have to defend myself.” Jan’s bottom lip quivered as she stared back at Gillian. “I’m just going to head off and sort out my life.”

“Jan, I don’t want you to be alone.”

Jan lifted her handbag from the floor and opened the front door.

She turned back when she stopped in the doorway, saddened that her best friend couldn’t just accept this.

“I won’t be around for a while. Please don’t call me.

I just want to be alone while I deal with the divorce.

” Maybe Jan did need time away from everyone.

Morgan included. Only as she pondered that, she felt entirely miserable.

“Tell Finn to fix her friendship with Morgan. I’ll…

lay low. If she finds someone else, then I’ll make sure you and Finn are the first to say you told me so. ”

Jan took the steps down to the garden path, aware that Gillian was still watching her.

She didn’t know what came next, and she didn’t know where to turn, but Jan was certain that Morgan didn’t need any of this.

It was unfair to expect her to put up with Gillian and Finn interfering with their relationship.

She climbed into her car and locked the doors, then rested her head back against the seat.

Being with Morgan over the last couple of months had fulfilled Jan in ways she never knew possible, but she did need to step back and decide if all of this was worth putting a potential love interest through.

Potential? Jan scoffed inwardly. There was nothing potential about this at all.

Jan knew what she wanted, she knew she would always crave to know more and do more with Morgan, but maybe she wasn’t entitled to that.

Maybe only Gillian and Finn were supposed to have the happy ending.

I don’t know what I’ll do without her . Jan brushed a tear from her cheek and sighed.

That applied to both Morgan and Gillian.

They’d always come as a pair—Jan and Gillian—but Jan expected far more from her best friend.

As for Morgan, well, Jan wasn’t sure she would ever find anyone quite like her again.

She turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the pavement, the ache in her chest prominent.

As the sun began to set in her rearview mirror, she felt the happiness of this morning fading along with it. “Go home. Lock the door. Exist .”