Page 37 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

Jan had no idea how today would pan out, but she was thinking of all the potential positives.

Gillian would know about Morgan, Finn too, and nobody would have to sneak around or feel as though they were keeping a secret any longer.

She had already called Gillian on the way over here, wanting to ensure she could come right out and say it rather than wait for another day or time if her best friend was unavailable.

Gillian was home, Finn was at university, so here Jan was…

unsure as to how she should even say the words out loud.

She knocked on Gillian’s front door and took several deep breaths.

Not only did she need to tell Gillian about Morgan, but she had the bombshell to drop regarding the fact that Phil was going to be a father.

Jan didn’t know which would be more shocking to Gillian.

Hopefully, it was the pregnancy. Jan didn’t need anyone to be shocked or have an opinion when it came to Morgan.

The door opened suddenly, and Gillian threw her arms around Jan’s neck. “Oh, it’s so good to see you!”

Unable to breathe, Jan pulled back and frowned. “It’s only been ten days since I saw you. We’ve gone far longer than that in the past.”

“Are you still at that fucking hotel?” Gillian urged Jan inside the house and closed the front door. “I seriously don’t know why you don’t take one of our spare rooms. It seems silly to spend all that money on a room until God only knows when.”

Jan lifted a shoulder. “It’s on the business credit card, so Phil is paying, too.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” They retreated to the back living room, and as Gillian turned to face Jan, she started to laugh. “Maybe you should upgrade to the best suite they have.”

“Believe me, I have thought about it.”

Gillian rested back against the dining table and regarded Jan with a sympathetic smile. “How are you doing, love?

Jan lowered her handbag beside one of the chairs and took a seat. “You know what, I’m great. I’m feeling refreshed and ready for whatever comes next.”

“When I left Dave, I didn’t want to face the world. I couldn’t even imagine looking anyone in the eye.”

“I know. You avoided me whenever you could.” Jan gave Gillian a knowing look. “But look, it happened. I can’t change it even if I wanted to.”

“And…do you want to?” Gillian pulled a seat closer to Jan and sat down. She took Jan’s hands and stared deep into her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m asking you this, but do you want to forgive him and try again?”

“No. Things have changed significantly for me over the last several weeks. And even if they hadn’t, I still wouldn’t have given him another chance.”

“W-what does that mean? What’s changed?”

“Gill, I…slept with Morgan. From the bar. The Corner bar.” Jan didn’t know why she was giving specifics; Gillian knew exactly who Morgan was.

Still, Gillian’s face fell as Jan spoke that out loud. She couldn’t begin to imagine what was going through Gillian’s head, but as she drew her hands away from Jan’s, Jan knew she wasn’t going to have the support she expected. Not so easily, anyway.

“Please say something, Gill.”

“I…I don’t know what to say.” Gillian sunk back in her seat and sighed. “When did it happen?”

Jan lowered her eyes. “The week after I found out about the affair.”

“Wow. That was…swift.”

Jan frowned. What the hell was Gillian implying? “I’m sorry?”

“I just…did you give yourself a moment to realise the severity of your marriage ending before you fell into bed with another woman?”

Jan scoffed. While she understood that all of this was huge, she hadn’t expected Gillian to lead with that.

Jan wasn’t sure what reaction she’d wanted, but something a little more supportive would have been nice.

Perhaps even to be asked if she was happy.

“Of course I did. I know ending my marriage is big, and it’s messy, but…

” Jan shook her head. She wasn’t going to come clean about the amount of time she’d spent with Morgan.

If she did, she had a feeling Gillian would just continue to judge her.

“I think I’m just going to leave.” She reached down for her bag and rose to her feet.

“You know, of all the people I have left, I expected more from you, Gill.”

“You’ve just dropped something huge on me, and you expect me to jump for joy?” Gillian stared back at Jan with a frown. “Seriously?”

“What I didn’t expect was immediate judgement from you. Anything else I could have handled, but you went right for my throat, didn’t you?”

“Forgive me, but I’m confused.” Gillian carded a hand through her dark hair and exhaled a deep breath. “You and… Morgan . Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Well, this is going to be an interesting conversation with Finn.”

Jan didn’t really care how the conversation with Finn went. Whatever Finn had to say, that was her business alone. “I don’t know why it matters to either of you.”

“Look, Jan. You know I love you, but you spent twenty-seven years with Phil, and what? You’re just going to shack up with some bartender just weeks after you left Phil?”

“ He’s the one who has been fucking another woman for a year.

He’s the one who destroyed those years we were together.

Why am I the one being judged here for my decisions?

” Jan couldn’t do this. She refused to stand here and be chastised for wanting a life again.

“And for the record, Morgan is so much more than just a bartender. I’d appreciate it if you gave her a chance.

You don’t know the first thing about her. ”

“Because until today, she was just a bartender to me, Jan. She was the woman who used to bring us drinks on a night out. But now…now she’s what? Your girlfriend?” Gillian’s brows drew together. “I mean, is it serious?”

“It’s…going somewhere, yes.” That was all Jan was prepared to offer right now. Just because Gillian was her best friend, it didn’t make her automatically entitled to Jan’s feelings.

Gillian nodded slowly. “Right. Does Phil know yet?”

“He knows I’m completely done with him. As for him knowing about Morgan, it’s none of his business.

” Jan turned and walked towards the door that led to the hallway.

She shoved her handbag up on her shoulder and turned back to Gillian.

“I’m sure you and Finn will have a lot to talk about when it comes to this development, but please respect what I have going on with Morgan and leave her out of this.

Whatever you think of her or me, she doesn’t need to hear it.

She’s done nothing wrong. And neither have I. ”

“There was never any hope for me and Dave, but until the day you found out about the affair, you were madly in love with Phil.” Gillian ran her hands down her thighs and sighed.

“Has something been going on that I don’t know about?

Was everything okay at home before you found out he’d been sleeping with someone else? ”

Jan chewed her lip. She didn’t want to do this right now, but she would give Gillian more information when she was ready to. “He had an affair, and that’s that.”

“Then all I can ask is that you give yourself some time.” Gillian regarded Jan with a faint smile. “Figure out what comes next, maybe without Morgan being around.”

Jan’s bottom lip quivered as she blinked back tears. “Phil is about to become a father, Gill. I’m not putting my life on hold for him or anyone else. You included.”

The shock on Gillian’s face was precisely what Jan had expected.

“He…what?” She shot up from her seat and crossed the room.

As she took Jan’s hand and held it tight, Gillian shook her head.

“No. This can’t be happening.” Gillian pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled a long, slow breath.

“That piece of shit has got his new woman pregnant?”

“Yes.” Jan jerked her hand from Gillian’s.

“I’m going to head off. You’re up to date on my life, and whatever you think of me, I can’t change it.

” Jan searched Gillian’s eyes, unable to read what her best friend was thinking.

“I know this is a lot, and I know I landed it on you suddenly, but I came here hoping for your support, Gill. Not your judgement.”

“Jan—”

“I’ll see you when I see you. Say hi to Finn for me.”

Jan turned and left Gillian’s home as quickly as she could.

Just last year, Jan had been consoling Gillian night after night when Finn left her.

For so many weeks, she had tried to navigate their issues with her best friend.

Perhaps it was foolish for Jan to expect the same from Gillian, but she wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Right now, Jan felt as though she was in this alone, but she would fight every damn day for a happiness that suited her.

If that could possibly involve Morgan, then Jan was going to grab it with both hands and never let it go.

* * *

What a beautiful day…

Morgan sat on a stool at the end of the bar, not too concerned that none of her customers were in yet.

The weather was glorious, and unfortunately, Morgan didn’t have the space outside the bar to add outdoor furniture.

But it was set to rain in a few hours, and she knew they would come rushing back indoors then.

Right now, the peace and quiet was exactly what she needed.

Just a few days ago, Morgan had returned from the most amazing week with Jan, and while her…

lover had a lot to contend with in the near future, Morgan wasn’t worried.

It was hard to find anything to worry about after their conversation on the flight home.

Jan was not going back on her divorce. She did want to keep seeing Morgan.

They’d hit it off, and Morgan guessed the rest would be history.

They’d made a connection—one so deep that Morgan was in a different headspace post-Spain—and to know that Jan felt the same way was blowing her mind.

All of this…it was so much more than just fucking.