Page 21 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

Jan woke up to the most beautiful sensation.

Morgan pressed against her and sleeping soundly.

Naked and as one. She hadn’t thought about staying last night—she’d just about managed to make it to the bar at all—but she was glad she’d decided to hang back.

By doing so, she’d just spent another night in Morgan’s arms. A night she would add to the previous one and hold onto forever.

She watched Morgan as she slept. Jan hadn’t had the opportunity to do so the last time she’d woken up in Morgan’s bed. No, she’d lay here alone for a few moments before she’d gone searching for Morgan, only to find her mildly panicking out in the kitchen. Not this morning, though.

God, she’s beautiful.

Had Jan thought about Antonia over the years?

Several times. But it wasn’t necessarily Antonia she was thinking about.

When Jan’s sex life with Phil had started to rapidly decline, Jan’s mind often wandered off to the days when she’d found her attention fixed firmly on women.

It was hard to remember at times, it had been so long ago, but the memories made Jan smile. She knew that much.

“I know you’re watching me. I can hear you blinking.”

Jan snickered as she took her bottom lip between her teeth. Morgan was sexy and hilarious. Jan hadn’t laughed so much before she met Morgan. Well, became more acquainted with her, at least. “I don’t think eyelids make a sound.”

Morgan cracked one eye open and smiled. “But you admit that you were watching me?”

“What happens if I do admit it?” Jan teased as she stroked a thumb against Morgan’s hip.

“You get a lot of kisses. Maybe a lot of something else, too.” Morgan snuggled closer again and rested her chin on the top of Jan’s head. “Five more minutes before I have to deal with life.”

“I told Phil.”

Morgan drew back and frowned. “Told him what?”

“That I’d spent the night with someone else.” Jan wanted to always be on the same page as Morgan. Even though Morgan was unavailable because of her work commitments, it was important to maintain that level of full transparency.

“O-oh. Right. Um…”

“Don’t worry. I know this isn’t anything serious. You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that he knows. I didn’t say who it was, but he knows I’ve spent the night with someone else.”

“Jan, I’m going at your pace here.” Morgan rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. “You say it’s not serious, and I understand that you’re not in a position to even think about a love life, but this isn’t just fucking for me. Please don’t ever think I’m using you to get off.”

“God, I know. I hope you don’t think the same about me.” Jan hadn’t meant to sound so blasé about her situation with Morgan. She just couldn’t get her hopes up here. “I’m sorry if I said that wrong.”

“If I knew you were in the position to do so, I’d be asking you out for dinner.

Or a drink, whatever. A…date. But you’re new to this all over again.

You need time to decide what you even want in your future.

While I know that’s not me, it doesn’t make me want you any less.

It also doesn’t stop me from thinking about the potential of us still doing this six months down the line. ”

Jan sat up on her elbow and traced a fingertip over Morgan’s collarbone. “I wish it was you.”

Morgan’s brows drew together as she turned her face to Jan. “You do?”

“I love every moment we spend together, Morgan. But you’ve said it yourself. You don’t have the time for a relationship.”

“Oh, I’d make the time for you.” Jan was surprised Morgan would do that. What was different about Jan compared to the other women Morgan had been with? “I’d hire more staff if I had to.”

Jan smiled. “I appreciate that.”

Morgan rolled over this time and stared deep into Jan’s eyes as she encouraged her down onto her back. “I’m serious. You tell me the moment you’re sure of what you want, and if that’s me…I’m all yours.”

Jan’s heart started to beat a little harder. Could she really walk out of a marriage and directly into a woman’s arms? People would likely tell her that she shouldn’t…or couldn’t , but this was Jan’s life. It was her choice. “You really mean that? You’d be interested in a relationship?”

“Babe, I’ve always been interested in a relationship. I’ve just never really found anyone I want to work less for. It’s been a string of bad mistakes to date, but you? Fuck, you’re something else. I hope you know that.”

Well, then. What could Jan possibly say to that? She wouldn’t agree or disagree just yet—she needed to sort out all kinds within her life—but this conversation would remain at the back of her mind until a later date. “You’re very good for my self-confidence.”

“A woman like you should be filled with self-confidence. Don’t let what he did to you take it away. What do you think drew me to you all those months ago when you started coming to the bar? I mean, other than your incredibly beautiful face and this body?”

Jan felt herself blushing. She had no idea how the hell she’d landed so perfectly on her feet here with Morgan, but she wouldn’t take a single second of it for granted.

“There were a few occasions when I had to concentrate on something else. You have the most intense eyes of anyone I’ve ever met, and it was hard not to gaze into them when you were speaking to me. ”

Morgan smiled. “Yeah?”

“It wasn’t something I thought much of until I came here the other week. It’s not as though I was in a position to do anything about it.”

“No, I know. And thank God you didn’t. This could have been a whole different story.”

“Can I ask something of you?” Jan swallowed when Morgan shifted and pressed her body against her. “You’re entitled to say no, of course.”

“You can ask me anything at all. If I’m able to do whatever it is you want,” Morgan said as she smirked. “Then you know I will.”

Jan knew where Morgan’s mind had just gone. If nothing else, the intimacy they shared was intense. “Can you stick around until I know I’m ready for a relationship? Can we…be together without actually being together until I know I can give my all?”

Morgan dipped her head and drew Jan into a slow, lingering kiss.

Jan moaned when she wrapped a hand around the back of Morgan’s neck, fairly certain she had her answer already.

When Morgan pulled back and touched her forehead to Jan’s, those dark eyes boring into her soul, Morgan grinned.

“You can take as long as you need. I’m not going anywhere. ”

* * *

Carrying two cups of coffee towards the couch, Morgan handed one to Jan and took a seat beside her.

While she didn’t know much at the moment, she knew Jan brightened this place like nobody else ever had.

Morgan loved her flat, she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, but she could certainly enjoy this space alone with Jan.

“Tell me how it went yesterday when you saw Phil and…whatever the fuck her name is.”

Jan smiled. “Her name is Anais. Before all of this, I’d go as far as to say I considered her a friend. Okay, she was an employee before anything else, but we had a great working relationship with one another. We’ve also had many business nights out together.”

Morgan puffed out her cheeks. Surely that only made all of this even worse. “Hard-faced bitch.”

“Mm. My thoughts exactly.” Jan sipped her coffee and rested it in her lap.

But not before she draped her legs over Morgan’s lap.

“He was at the house with her. At first, I felt sick knowing she was in my home, but now I’m just ready to say goodbye to it all.

I refuse to feel sad about something I can’t control.

I also refuse to give the two of them those emotions in me. They don’t deserve them.”

“God, I wish I had your mentality.”

Jan looked down at her cup and shrugged. “I have a few more years on you, Morgan. When you reach my age, you learn to focus on what’s important.”

Morgan palmed Jan’s knee. “And what’s that, babe?”

“Giving my time to people who mean a lot to me. Being happy with what I do have rather than what I’m losing. Reminding myself that I’m still here and that I have a life to build all over again. You …you’re important to me.”

“You’re important to me, too.” Morgan leaned over and kissed Jan’s cheek. “And I love having you over here with me the morning after. It’s not something I afford myself most of the time.”

“You have to have a life. The bar will survive. You’ve built it into something that simply cannot fail. And your staff seem great. Ben and Tyler are lovely guys. I’m yet to really speak to Megan.”

“Megan doesn’t have much conversation in her. She’s a great bartender, but she’s quieter than the others I’ve had in the past.”

“Sometimes the quieter people are the people you should surround yourself with. They tend to have less issues and drama.”

Morgan had to agree with that. The bartender Megan had replaced had done nothing but cause hassle for Morgan.

First, she’d decided to invite her friends in whenever she was working so they could have free drinks.

Then, she’d tried her hand at dipping into the takings on shift.

Morgan couldn’t have someone like that working for her.

No matter what her reasons for stealing had been.

“I have a good thing going here. Add you into it, and my life has been almost perfect lately.”

“What would make it entirely perfect?” Jan asked, those blue eyes bright and so easy to get lost in.

“Knowing that you’ll be here for a long time to come.”

“When you say things like that to me, it makes me wonder why I even gave my marriage a chance.” Jan swallowed as she shook her head. “If I’d been honest with myself in the past, you and I may be in a different position right now.”

“How do you mean?”

“I know I’ve spoken about the counselling and how things felt off, but I’d been feeling it for far longer than I led myself to believe.

” Morgan appreciated it every time Jan opened up to her.

It meant this was heading in the right direction.

“Every day, I remind myself of something he used to do that I hated. Or the times when he just wasn’t there… even though we were in the same room.”

“I think we’re all guilty of that. Nobody is perfect, neither are marriages, but we always want it to work out in the best way possible, so we settle or we look past things we know we shouldn’t look past.”

“You’ve done that before?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Morgan was terrible for letting people off lightly. It was probably why she was single right now. Because she let people walk all over her until it either suited them or until she saw what was happening. “And not necessarily with love interests. Even with friends over the years.”

“It never ends well, does it?”

Morgan wrinkled her nose. “Not really, no.”

“I’m just glad Gareth came to me and told me. It must have taken a lot for him to sit down and tell me his wife was seeing another man. Then for that other man to be my husband…well, I’m not sure I would have had the balls to do it if the shoe was on the other foot.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think you’d have done the right thing eventually. You seem like the kind of woman who only deals with the truth.”

“The right thing would have been for Phil to come to me and tell me himself. I’d have felt less humiliated if he’d done it in the comfort of our own home. But instead, he left it up to Gareth to take care of.”

“How did Gareth know about it?” Morgan hoped the poor guy hadn’t walked in on it happening, but that was generally how it went.

“Anais told him she was away for the weekend. Gareth has been dealing with his mother’s cancer diagnosis and helping her out where he can.

He’d gone to stay with her that weekend but went back home for something he’d forgotten.

Anais was in bed with Phil.” Jan scoffed.

“Does it make me a terrible person to be happy he caught them there and that it wasn’t me catching them in my home? ”

“Not at all, babe.” Morgan took Jan’s hand and held onto it. “Nobody wants to see that. I hate the thought of you walking in on your husband having an affair, so I’m also happy it wasn’t you.”

“Maybe men just want younger women these days,” Jan said as she stroked her thumb against the back of Morgan’s hand. “Maybe they’ve always been like that. I don’t know.”

“I think women can be equally as disgusting. I know that from experience. But I can understand why you feel that way. You’ve had one hell of a shock with all of this.”

“I have. But you put me back together pretty quickly.”

Morgan wasn’t convinced that Jan was entirely put back together just yet, but it was nice to know that Jan appreciated Morgan being there for her. “If you want me to heal you, you say the word, and I’ll do whatever I can to show you a different life. One that doesn’t include affairs.”

“That sounds like a nice idea to me. No affairs.”

Morgan smiled and lay her head back against the couch. Another day with Jan by her side was another day when Morgan was truly winning at life. She lifted her head and laughed. “I can’t believe you told him you’d slept with someone else. How did he react?”

“He thinks I did it to get back at him. I think he was ready to tell me he forgives me. Like I give a shit.”

“So you actually had a conversation about it?” Morgan’s mind was blown. Surely that meant she saw it going somewhere; otherwise, why bother saying anything at all?

“Brief, but yes. I may have made a comment about you being inside me. That was purely me twisting the knife, though. I wouldn’t usually be so honest.” Jan stroked her fingers up Morgan’s forearm, sending a shiver down Morgan’s spine in the process.

“I don’t know how or why, but it seems you bring a different side of me out. ”

“And is that a good thing…or?”

“Mmhmm. It’s exciting.” Jan lowered her coffee cup to the table and rose to her feet. Just when Morgan thought she was about to leave the living room, Jan straddled her on the couch and took Morgan’s own cup from her. “Don’t you think?”

“Something is exciting me.” Morgan stared up at Jan, far more than excited, truth be told. “Can’t possibly say what, though.”

Jan reached down and took the hem of her T-shirt in her hands. As she lifted it over her head, that long blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, it took everything within Morgan not to lean in and take a nipple between her lips. “Does this help?”

Aching to give this woman everything she deserved, Morgan palmed Jan’s thighs and grinned. “Mm. It helps a lot.”

Oh, today is going to be another perfect day!