Page 11 of Heal You (The Study You #3)

The laughter that rang out throughout Morgan’s flat was something that rarely happened.

She spent so much time here alone, in the silence, that she was sure her bartender was going to complain about the noise at some point.

Jan had texted her this morning, reminding Morgan that they had plans together tonight, and now here they were, spending another evening together up in Morgan’s flat.

Today marked one week since Jan had found out about her husband’s affair, and she seemed less harrowed by everything.

One thing Morgan had noticed was how much she’d loosened up since she took a seat on the couch some two hours ago.

Really, this night couldn’t be going any better.

Jan was great fun; she had the most intoxicating laugh, and Morgan had almost spewed her drink down herself on several occasions tonight just because of Jan’s humour.

The most important thing was that Jan was comfortable here.

“You know the other day when I texted you before I brought you flowers?” Jan’s face turned serious all of a sudden. Morgan had no idea what she was about to say.

“Yeah.”

“I did mean it when I said I owed you dinner.”

Morgan smiled. “I’d love to go for dinner with you.”

“Perfect. Just let me know when is best for you. I’m flexible at the moment.”

Morgan would be sure to let Jan know her availability.

She had thought about Jan’s offer a few times since she’d received it on Friday, but she wasn’t sure if it was the right idea to bring it up.

Jan had already thanked her with the most beautiful arrangement of flowers.

Dinner no longer seemed necessary. “I will. For sure.”

“You don’t leave your flat much, do you?” Jan asked as she sipped her wine. “I say that because your bartender implied it when I turned up last week.”

“I don’t. When I’m not working, I’m too tired to bother going out anywhere. Around here, it’s mostly other bars. Spending my life working behind one means I’m sick of the sight of them when I finish work or have a day off.”

“I can understand that.”

“But I have friends who come here to hang out. Finn, for example.”

Jan narrowed her eyes at Morgan. “Did you and Finn ever…you know?”

Morgan choked on the sip of wine she’d just taken. “Fuck each other?”

“Mmhmm.”

“No. Finn has always been complicated and kinda standoffish. We used to flirt, but I don’t think anything would have ever come of it.

We’re not each other’s type. She’s heavily into femme women, and well, so am I.

” Morgan would consider herself a tomboy rather than anything else.

It would take a lot for her to dress up, but she wasn’t completely opposed to the idea.

“Put a woman in sexy heels and a dress, and I’m all hers.

Finn is the same. Hence her attraction towards Gillian. ”

Jan sighed and ran her fingertip around the rim of her wine glass. “Must be nice having someone like Finn who would do anything for the woman she loves.”

“Finn and I are very similar in personality. I think it’s why we get along so well. We don’t go out of our way to hurt people, and any woman we’re in love with becomes the centre of our universe.”

“So, you don’t only do no-strings?” Jan asked as she searched Morgan’s eyes. “You do have a heart for someone out there?”

“Of course I do.” Morgan wished someone would come along and steal her heart.

She wished someone would want to be the centre of her universe.

Seeing Finn with Gillian just reminded her of everything she craved.

“I may appear to be a bit of a flirt, but that’s just the bartender in me.

I’m not like that if I’m involved. I’d never flirt with anyone or make my girlfriend feel uncomfortable. It’s not my style.”

“Women just have more respect, don’t they?”

Morgan wanted to agree with Jan, but based on recent experience with Amanda, she couldn’t. “I’d like to say so, but…Amanda.”

“Is she not maybe an exception?” Jan wrinkled her nose, and Morgan had to wonder why Jan was asking these questions. She almost seemed hopeful that Amanda was the exception.

“Most of us are genuine. Most of us don’t fuck around behind someone’s back. I certainly don’t, and I know Finn never would either.”

“Tell me about Amanda. Something must have drawn you to her.”

Morgan puffed out her cheeks, then emptied the last of her wine down her throat.

“You want me to be completely honest?” Jan nodded.

“I’m attracted to older women, and that’s precisely what she was.

I just find it hard to connect with people my own age.

They all have a wandering eye. Amanda wanted to fuck, and she wanted to have fun.

It worked perfectly for me at the time because I wasn’t looking for anything serious.

” Morgan hoped that didn’t make her sound like a player.

“Like I said, I struggle to find the time for a relationship. If I’m in, I’m all in.

I can’t give someone my all when I work as much as I do. ”

Jan gazed back at Morgan with the most beautiful smile spread on her lips. “How old was she?”

“Fifty-two.” Morgan wasn’t the kind of person to give a fuck about someone’s age…provided they weren’t younger than her. “Look, women are exceptional. I adore every last thing about them. Throw in a good fifteen years or more experience than what I have, and I’m putty in their hands.”

“And now I understand why Finn was so insistent with Gillian.” Jan laughed, but then her smile faded again. “Does it make me a terrible person to feel jealous about them?”

“What exactly are you jealous of?”

“That my best friend has a woman in her life who loves her more than anything in this world. That they have that love a lot of people can only dream of…me included.”

“You didn’t have that love with your husband?”

Jan shook her head lightly. “No. Phil was a wonderful husband, he really was, but when it came to romance and that kind of thing, he just didn’t bother. Sadly, I’m only just realising all his faults and failures as a husband. I chose to look past it all, and now I find myself in this position.”

“I’m sorry.” Morgan lay a hand on Jan’s knee and regarded her with the slightest of smiles. “I guess we all want something to last, and when it doesn’t, you look back on things differently.”

“Hindsight and all that.”

“I guess so, yeah.” Morgan hoped Jan wouldn’t regret her marriage. For the most part, it must have been enough for her. She would have left before now if that hadn’t been the case.

As Jan placed her hand over Morgan’s, her eyes suddenly lit up when the track on Morgan’s sound system changed. Morgan didn’t recognise it, but Jan did, and she was tugging on Morgan’s hand as she got to her feet. “Dance with me. I love this song.”

Morgan wanted nothing more than to dance with Jan, but this song—God, this slow, aching song—wasn’t making it easy.

Her hands twitched at her sides, struggling to know what to do.

She would never overstep, never push, but every encounter with Jan lately seemed to leave Morgan feeling conflicted.

Was there something there? A hint of something unspoken?

The questions Jan had been asking tonight had her head spinning, yet here she was, following her into the middle of her living room.

Jan’s arm slid around Morgan’s waist, her fingers clutching possessively at her side.

She took Morgan’s hand, said nothing, and hummed along to the track as she rested her head against Morgan’s shoulder.

The warmth of her cheek seeped through the fabric of Morgan’s shirt, and all Morgan could do was surrender to the moment.

Forget what she, herself, wanted. Jan needed this comfort. That was enough.

But then Jan lifted her head. Her blue eyes locked onto Morgan’s with a sadness so raw that it ached deep in Morgan’s chest. That smile, soft but worn, almost undone her. This woman…she didn’t deserve any of this pain. Her husband’s affair had shattered her, and Morgan hated him for it.

Lifting her hand, Morgan brushed her knuckles gently across Jan’s cheek.

God, she was beautiful tonight. She’s beautiful every night .

The way Jan’s arm lingered around her waist, her fingertips grazing lazily across the small of her back—it was driving Morgan insane.

She swallowed hard, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Don’t ever think less of yourself because of him, okay? ”

Jan’s lip quivered, and then her eyes closed as though she was warring with herself. “Morgan…”

“Talk to me,” Morgan urged. “What’s going through your head?”

Jan’s long lashes fluttered as she opened her eyes, her gaze flickering to Morgan’s lips before she took her own between her teeth for a very brief moment. Fuck, that was sexy. “I shouldn’t say.”

Morgan tilted her head, cupping Jan’s chin with a cautious touch. If she was reading this situation wrong, she had to know she could lie her way out of it. “You can tell me anything. No judgment. Ever .”

Jan closed the sliver of space between them, pressing herself against Morgan. Her stare became intense, as though she’d finally decided something . “That night…when I came up here with you. You said you’d admired me.”

“Yeah. I did say that.”

“Did you mean it?” Jan’s voice was small but steady.

“Every word.”

Jan’s brow furrowed. “Why? What could you possibly see in me?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re gorgeous.” Morgan regarded Jan with a soft smile. “And your laugh? It’s one of those laughs that gets inside you and makes everything feel…lighter.” She paused, careful of her words. “It’s always a pleasure when you’re in my bar.”

“You’ve never said anything…”

“I knew you were married.” Morgan shrugged. “Flirting would have been disrespectful.”

Jan’s hand rested on Morgan’s chest, her palm warm. “It’s been so long since anyone flirted with me. I probably wouldn’t have noticed.”