Page 6

“HAVE YOU EVER kissed anyone?”

The question took Kai by surprise. He shifted in Nicholas' bed, turning to face the other boy more fully. He could feel the tips of his ears burning, could feel his cheeks heating, and was glad for the darkness of night.

“No,” he said, voice low but steadier than he expected, given the way his heart had begun to race.

Kai could just make out Nicholas' profile in the dark.

His friend lay on his back, almost close enough that they were pressed together, face pointed toward the ceiling.

Kai thought he could make out Nicholas' brows furrowing.

“I haven’t either,” Nicholas finally said, seemingly unaffected by their conversation.

Kai tried to ignore the relief that washed over him at hearing those words.

At knowing that Nicholas hadn’t kissed anyone else.

They were sixteen now, so it wouldn’t have come as a surprise to find out that Nicholas was ahead of him in the kissing department.

The relief at finding out it was something they still had in common was like warm arms wrapping around Kai, heating him from the inside out.

Kai continued to stare as his friend shifted, turning onto his side so that they were facing one another fully.

Their shared blanket was pulled up, hiding the bottom halves of their faces, making Kai feel as though they were in a world of their own.

He was suddenly hot all over, too aware of the other boy’s presence next to him.

Ridiculous , he thought. He and Nicholas slept next to one another like this all the time, often waking up with their limbs tangled together and their heads on the same pillow.

Why was now different? Why was he so painfully conscious of the way Nicholas' leg was pressed to his own, the way their noses were only a few centimeters apart?

“Do you want to try it?” The question fell from Nicholas' lips like any other words, but it slammed into Kai like a wave, drowning him in hope and fear.

Of course he wanted to kiss Nicholas. He’d wanted to kiss him for so long now.

Months of figuring out why he suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about his friend in ways both new and different.

Months of longing for the heat of the other boy’s skin against his own, a slight brush of hands or a hug after a good rally.

Kai thought he might throw up from his nerves.

He thought he might die from his excitement.

“Sure,” was all he finally managed to squeak out, keeping his voice low, shrugging with feigned nonchalance. His eyes had adjusted to the dark, and with Nicholas so close Kai could see a smile light up his features, spreading across his face in a way that made Kai’s blood fizz under his skin.

“Okay!” Nicholas said, a little too loud. He scooted closer, tugging the blanket over their faces, as if to hide from the dark and quiet room. To keep this moment just between them, something special, something precious. “You’ll tell me if you change your mind, right Kai?”

Kai held his breath, nodding as his friend moved in closer, as Nicholas carefully pressed in.

Their lips brushed together, soft and gentle and unmoving.

Kai felt as though the moment lasted a lifetime and ended in a heartbeat.

They didn’t touch anywhere else, other than the leg that Nicholas still had pressed to Kai’s.

Reality crashed back into place as Nicholas finally pulled away, just a little. Just enough that their lips were no longer pressed together. The other boy hummed softly.

“What?” Kai asked. His voice was a barely-there whisper, incapable of being more. When Nicholas took too long to respond, Kai gripped the covers tightly, his heart in his throat. “Nicky?”

“It was kind of nice.”

Nice was an understatement. What they’d done most likely only just qualified as a kiss, but it was enough to set Kai on fire.

He could feel every brush of fabric intensely on his skin, his pajamas, the blanket, Nicholas' sock against his bare calf.

Every sound seemed magnified, their soft breaths turned up to maximum volume in his ears.

He knew his face was burning red, knew that if the light were on then his secret would be laid bare and his feelings would finally be out there for anyone to see.

For Nicholas to see.

“It was really nice,” Kai whispered, his brain screaming at him for the words. Too much, too much, he had said too much and Nicholas would know-

“Really?” Nicholas' voice dropped back to a whisper, holding something softer, something filled with excitement. “You liked it?”

Kai hesitated, gaining control of himself before more unintended words spilled out past his lips. But… Nicholas was still smiling, shifting closer again. He looked so happy, so cheerful, none of his usual mischievousness present. Only sincerity. Only a bright smile, just for Kai.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to say the things he wanted so desperately to give voice to. The things he had kept to himself for the last year .

“I liked it.” Kai kept his voice low as he scooted closer to his friend. Closer to the boy he never stopped thinking about. Closer to the boy he wanted very much to kiss again.

“You want to try it again?” Nicholas punctuated the question by reaching out, pushing Kai’s now shoulder-length hair back from his face, tucking the strands behind his ear.

Kai answered by closing the distance between them, sharing his second kiss with his best friend, the boy he was now sure he was in love with.