Page 35

KAI LEANED AGAINST the kitchen counter, watching out the window of the back door.

His stream had ended early, but it was already after midnight. The sky had gone dark long before he’d come out of his room. Several minutes had passed as he stood there, arms tucked into the sleeves of the Cats hoodie that he’d slipped into once again. Just watching.

Atticus lay sprawled out in his backyard on top of the ugly cat blanket that Kai had purchased, knees bent and arms tucked at his sides as he stared up at the sky. The meteor shower was starting. Even from inside, Kai had already seen several lights streak across the sky.

Movement to his right pulled his attention away. The kitten had jumped onto the counter next to him, padding over to sit by his elbow. She watched him carefully, striped tail flicking back and forth. Kai reached out, scratching under her chin and earning a soft purr.

Only a few seconds passed before his attention was drawn back to the yard.

It was becoming more and more difficult to ignore how something in his chest seemed to swell every time he even so much as looked at Atticus.

He’d been paying it no mind all day long, but the feeling had been there, from their encounter in the hallway to their trip to the market to waking up from a nap wrapped in strong, steady arms.

Kai had a pretty good idea of where the night was going.

Where he wanted it to go. It was as though his body had been reaching out all day, longing for more than the small touches and soft brushes of skin that were all Atticus had been willing to give him.

Kai wanted Atticus. Wanted him in a way he never had, yet somehow in a way he maybe had for a very long time.

It was different from that first night they’d spent together, six months prior. Kai had gone into that night looking for a hookup, and that’s what he’d gotten. He felt so far removed from the person he’d been then.

It terrified him.

It terrified him that he was doing things he’d told himself he’d never do again, never feel again.

He felt like he was at war with himself.

The Kai of five days ago was still there.

He still felt a sharp pain when he thought about where life had taken him, when he thought about the texts he’d received from Nicholas, the call from Theo.

Those things still hurt enough to take his breath away.

But the moments when Atticus looked at him, when he made Kai laugh or roll his eyes or level him with a glare, those simple moments made it feel like he was finally at peace. That, at long last, he didn’t have to hurt all of the time.

It was like a drug, and Kai craved the distraction. Craved the way Atticus’ hands on his body made him feel so much like who he wanted to be, someone he’d thought was out of reach.

But it wasn’t fair to treat Atticus as a distraction, was it? Kai was going back home the next day. He’d received a text from his contractor during his stream saying the work was done and his home was ready for him.

Thinking about it made Kai’s stomach churn. He pulled his hands into the sleeves of the hoodie, fingers tangling in the golden cuffs of the fabric.

Atticus had done so much for him. Not just this past week, but for as long as they’d known each other. Atticus had been a friend, someone new, someone who wasn’t there for Kai’s messy past, who only saw him as someone worthy of that friendship without anything else to color his judgement.

And Kai was leaving the next day. He hadn’t thought it would be something hard when he’d agreed to stay. Hadn’t thought that he would feel any amount of guilt. He hadn’t even told Atticus yet, dreading the disappointment he knew he would see in his soft blue eyes.

But life had to move on, didn’t it? Kai knew, he knew , that he wasn’t ready for more.

That he still needed to work through some things for himself.

He still had so many broken and shattered pieces lying on the floor, and no one could pick them up but him.

Atticus had done enough by making him feel like that was even possible.

For the first time in so long, Kai felt like maybe the future had more for him than an ever-broken heart.

Movement outside caught Kai’s eye, pulling him out of his thoughts.

Atticus was sitting up, head cocked to the side as he stared back.

The moment their eyes met, a wide, shit-eating grin spread across his face, and he waved an arm to beckon Kai out.

He looked so welcoming, so happy and warm.

Hair a bit of a mess, shirt hiked up as he scratched at his chest. His smile dimmed a little when Kai didn’t immediately respond.

It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? To enjoy one more night together? Kai let himself smile, holding up a hand, signaling that he just needed another minute. Atticus’ expression softened, eyes lighting up, grin slipping into something more sincere.

Kai walked out of the kitchen, ignoring the parts of himself that were rising up in protest. The reminders that he was leaving tomorrow, that he wasn’t ready for more. The memory of a drunken text from months prior, confessing that Atticus probably felt more than Kai knew what to do with.

They’d been messing around for days now, and everything had been fine.

Atticus had said he would give Kai time to think about where it all was going, about what they were.

Kai dug through his duffle bag, finding what he was looking for quickly and slipping the packet into his hoodie pocket.

He grabbed the small bottle off his nightstand as well, heart beating faster as he made his way back into the kitchen.

Kai gave himself one more minute to change his mind.

One more minute to figure out if he was making a mistake or not.

But watching Atticus, sprawled back on the blanket with one arm tucked under the back of his head, Kai couldn’t really remember all the reasons why he should slow down.

All he could think about was how the entire day had seemed to be building to this. The entire week.

“Am I making a mistake?” The kitten only stared at him, unblinking and unbothered, until she moved forward, rubbing her head against his arm and leaving a trail of fur on the maroon material.

Kai bit his bottom lip, chewing at it as he moved toward the back door. He breathed deeply before he opened it and walked outside.

The sky was beginning to brighten with more and more streaks of light across the black expanse. Not a cloud in sight, and the night air had cooled comfortably.

Atticus forced himself to stay still when he heard the back door swing open. He didn’t sit up, didn’t tilt his head to see Kai approaching. His heart did start to beat a little faster though.

Kai crouched down on the blanket, lowering himself to sit at Atticus’ side. He pulled his knees close to his chest, curling himself into a little ball, head tilted skyward.

He was wearing the damned hoodie again. Atticus nearly let out a groan. What was wrong with him? Why did Kai wearing his too-big clothes turn him into such a donkey? Atticus wanted nothing more than to have the other man in his lap, hoodie on , letting his hands rove up under it.

Stop.

He needed to stop. They were outside to watch the meteor shower, not for Atticus to get a hard-on because Kai looked cute.

“It’s supposed to pick up more in the next half hour or so,” Atticus said, trying to distract himself with small talk.

Kai looked down at him and nodded. There was something there in his gaze, something heavy that set off a spark low in Atticus’ belly. A blush tinting those soft cheeks, so faint that he almost missed it.

“How was your stream?” Atticus asked.

Kai shrugged. “It was good,” he said quietly. Hair fell around his face as he looked down at Atticus. “Views have been up all week, people are still trying to figure out where I am.”

“Did you wear that?” Atticus tugged on the sleeve of Kai’s hoodie. His hoodie.

“No,” Kai answered with a snort. “Maybe I should next time. Really give them all something to talk about.”

The words were meaningless, but they pierced something Atticus hadn’t been ready for.

If Kai wore the hoodie, if people began to speculate that he was with a Chicago player, of course they would think it was Atticus.

Regardless of the fact that their friendship wasn’t public, people would immediately jump to the conclusion that Atticus was at it again.

One more tally to add to his endless string of hookups and meaningless flings.

People would talk, they would speculate.

They would laugh about the fact that it would be over in no time, that Atticus would be seen with someone else the next week.

The thought that people would think that about him, would think that he would treat Kai that way, it made Atticus feel a little sick.

Kai was still watching him, brow creased. He must have been able to see something there, something on Atticus’ face that showed more than he wanted it to.

“You can keep it,” Atticus blurted. Kai’s eyes narrowed in question, and Atticus thought that maybe the distraction was successful.

“The hoodie,” he continued. “I never wear it anymore. And it looks better on you anyway.”

That brought the slight flush back to those round cheeks.

Kai pulled his hands into the sleeves, looking down for a moment before focusing his gaze back on the sky, curling in on himself.

Atticus could just make out his own last name emblazoned across the back.

His name, written across Kai’s shoulders.

Fire flared in Atticus’ gut.

“Thanks,” Kai mumbled, and Atticus didn’t miss the hint of a smile coloring the word.