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He had always only blamed Nicholas for the loss of their relationship. And it was true, Nicholas had been the one to end things between them romantically. But he had wanted to talk. He had wanted to keep Kai in his life. And Kai was the one who had refused to even try.

But that was normal, wasn’t it? People didn’t stay friends after messy breakups.

And it was unreasonable for Nicholas to ever think that was possible.

But closure… closure was a different story.

And suddenly, Kai realized that closure was something that was missing from his narrative.

Something that Nicholas had offered up, but he himself had refused to entertain.

“He’s going to be okay.” Theo echoed Kai’s words in a whisper, but there was confidence there. A surety that Nicholas would be fine, that he would make it through the other side of this. That he would still be there in their lives.

It wasn’t long before a doctor entered the room, summoning Theo. Kai watched as his old friend walked stiffly across the room, stepping into the hallway with the doctor to speak privately. Kai’s heartbeat seemed so loud, nearly painful in his chest as he waited for Theo to return.

When he finally did walk back into the room, Kai could tell from his expression, before he spoke even a single word, that Nicholas was going to be just fine.

“He’s out of surgery,” Theo said. The smile lighting his face was beautiful, an expression Kai had rarely seen on him. “Everything went well. His shoulder is pretty messed up. Multiple fractures, they had to put pins in. And he suffered a concussion. But he’s going to be okay.”

Theo pulled off his glasses, wiping at his eyes once again as he stood before Kai.

“When can we see him?” The question felt so small. His voice sounded distant even to his own ears. What if Nicholas didn’t want to see him?

Now that Kai wanted to be there, wanted to see with his own eyes that his childhood friend was okay, what if it was too late?

“The doctor said I can go ahead and go back to his room. He’s starting to wake up,” Theo said. A long, heavy pause weighed between them. Kai felt as though he were teetering on a cliff’s edge. Theo watched him intently before something in his gaze softened.

“I can text you,” he continued. “Let you know when he’s ready for you to come in, if that’s okay?”

Kai nodded, a fresh sting building in his eyes. “Yeah. That would be good.”

Theo watched him before turning to leave the cold waiting room. He paused in the doorway.

“He’ll be really happy that you’re here. I’m happy you’re here.”

The words settled on Kai slowly as Theo finally left. They sank into his skin, warming every part of him.

Kai’s grip on his knees relaxed even as a slight nervousness sparked inside him. He took a deep breath, holding it in until his chest burned, releasing it slowly through his nose. Kai sat silently as he waited to finally have a conversation with Nicholas that was long overdue.

Nicholas slept soundly in the hospital bed. The blood had been cleaned away from his skin, but bruises still peppered his face. His hair though? Just as wild as ever, untamed even by life-threatening ordeals and the most determined of nurses.

Kai played on his phone, curled up in a chair in the corner of the small room. Theo sat next to the bed. He’d sent Kai a message, letting him know that Nicholas was falling back asleep but that Kai was welcome to come sit with him.

It was warmer in the room. Less of the oppressive chill that had been blanketing Kai for the hours that he’d been there, soaking into his bones.

He still wished he had something warmer to wear.

A quick glance showed that neither of the men across the room had moved since he’d last looked up. Kai had been sitting there for almost an hour, and the entire time he had been watching. Observing. Noticing small things.

The way Theo leaned slightly in his chair, as though his body were drawn by some invisible force toward the man lying injured in the bed.

The way one hand held his phone, scrolling mindlessly, while the other always remained touching Nicholas in some way.

Fingers trailing lightly along his arm, down across his open palm, back up again.

Every so often Kai would catch Theo watching Nicholas, phone held forgotten, something soft written across his features.

Kai hadn’t truly spoken to Nicholas in a year, and Theo couldn’t go five seconds without touching him, seeing him. Reassuring himself that Nicholas was there, alive and breathing.

It made something in Kai’s stomach wriggle.

Uncomfortable, but not for the reasons he would have expected.

No, as he examined the feeling, as he watched Theo display just how much he cared for Nicholas, Kai found himself unsettled by the fact that he hadn’t expected it.

He had convinced himself for so long that no one could love Nicholas the way he had.

And maybe that was true. Maybe that would always be true. But that just meant that Theo’s love for the man was different. And, much to Kai’s surprise, it felt right.

He was less bothered by that thought than he had ever been.

The rasp of a blanket shifting pulled Kai out of his head.

He looked up from his phone to see Nicholas moving, his body turned slightly toward Theo as he groggily tried to sit up.

Theo was up in a heartbeat, whispering a soft, “Be careful,” letting out a sharp tsk when Nicholas ignored the warning.

Once Theo had helped him into a more upright position, carefully arranging the pillow behind his back, he tapped Nicholas’ unharmed shoulder gently and nodded in Kai’s direction.

Kai felt as if the world slowed down, as though gravity might lose its hold on him. His limbs felt light, detached, while his insides seemed ready to revolt. Nicholas met his gaze. It took him a moment to register the situation. To understand what he was seeing.

One of the broken pieces in Kai, one of the shattered bits that had cracked so permanently on that night a year earlier, snapped back into place as Nicholas smiled his cheshire grin.

“Kai!”

His voice was hoarse. It sounded as broken as he looked, but there was still something so familiar there, in the way he said Kai’s name. A comfort that Kai hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Nicky.” Kai’s own voice came out as hardly more than a whisper, the nickname falling from his lips like an impulse. The other man’s eyes went wide, his gaze turning a little watery.

“I’m going to go get some coffee,” Theo said, voice quiet but more steady than Kai had heard it since they’d left the stadium.

He leaned down, brushing his lips over Nicholas’ cheek, a hand squeezing the back of his neck lightly.

Nicholas’ smile faded into something more tender as he leaned into the touches, his eyes slipping closed.

He reached out, squeezing Theo’s hand before he pulled away to leave the room.

Suddenly, it was just the two of them. Alone again after so much time had passed. Kai felt as though a part of him had been transported back to that last night they’d been together. He was curled up in the chair the same way he had been curled in on himself on their couch.

“I-,” Nicholas began, choking on the word. He looked down at his hand, the one that lay unbandaged in his lap. Kai watched his fingers tighten into a fist, as if maybe the motion could steady him. Nicholas looked back up, meeting Kai’s stare. “I’m really glad you’re here.”

Kai didn’t know what to say. He’d had hours to come up with something, anything to say when Nicholas woke. He still felt just as lost for words as he had a year ago. He settled on a small nod.

“Theo told me he called you first,” Nicholas continued.

Kai was desperate to look away, to focus his eyes on anything else in the room, but found it impossible not to return Nicholas’ gaze.

Like they were locked in this together until it was all finally over.

“He was surprised you even answered the phone. Thank you for being here with him.”

Another small nod, apparently all the response Kai was capable of giving. But it seemed to be enough for Nicholas, emboldening him to keep going.

“I know he already apologized,” Nicholas said, his brow furrowing over one blackened eye. “About calling you the other day. But I’m sorry too.”

A weight settled over the room. Kai felt it acutely, something heavy pressing down on him, holding him in place. Keeping him from running away.

Nicholas' eyes were still so beautiful, a hazel-grey that Kai had lost himself in so many times. Sharp, knowing, sometimes teasing. They had never had trouble meeting each other’s gaze.

It was almost the same now. Almost. The eyes Kai had been avoiding for so long met his without hesitation, and he found a twisted comfort in looking back. A simplicity threaded between them, tying them together in a way that Kai had thought long-severed.

The thread was frayed though, and would be forevermore.

“I’m sorry for all of it, Kai.” Nicholas was watching him intently, waiting for any sign that he needed to stop, needed to slow down.

A part of Kai thought that maybe the timing was all wrong, that maybe Nicholas didn’t need to be having this conversation when he’d been close to dying just hours earlier.

Or maybe that meant there was no better time to say the things he was finally saying.

“I hurt you,” he continued. Kai held his breath. “I hurt you so much and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Nothing I can do now to take it back. Nothing I can do to get back the time we lost, the time I gave up.”

And there it was again, the same familiar pressure, filling Kai from the inside out, threatening to burst him wide open while holding him silent. Words, any words at all, felt so far out of reach, his mind spinning too fast for him to catch on to any single thought.