Page 16

“WHAT DO YOU mean you have to work?”

Kai’s voice rose, anger finally seeping into his words. Nicholas flinched.

“I’m sorry,” the other man said, setting his briefcase down heavily on their kitchen table. “With the new position and all the new projects, I can’t be gone for a full weekend. Not right now.”

“But…” Kai sputtered a little. “I thought this is what you wanted to do!”

Nicholas laughed, harsh and biting. “It should be fine then, right? It’s not like you ever want to go out and do anything anyway?”

“That’s not fair.” The accusation knocked some anger out of Kai, made his words come out smaller, weaker.

He’d planned a whole weekend for them, a short trip away, full of sightseeing.

It was their anniversary, of sorts. Five years from the day they’d first kissed, the day they had fallen into their relationship.

Kai hadn’t known what to get Nicholas this year.

They’d been together for so long, and the other man always just bought the things he wanted.

Kai’s mother has suggested maybe going somewhere instead of getting something.

His parents had just done something similar, had both come back from their weekend away acting like they were freshly in love all over again.

All of the romance stuff, the cutesy couple stuff, it always came so easy to those two, and Kai couldn’t understand why it was so different for him.

Kai always felt like he and Nicholas had to work a lot harder for that stuff.

And Nicholas was right. Kai didn’t like going places. If given the choice, he would always rather avoid social situations, would always prefer the comfort of his home, of peace and quiet and routine.

But he had planned this for Nicholas. It wasn’t about what Kai did or didn’t want to do. It was a gift.

“Not fair?” Nicholas repeated Kai’s words, sneering. “What’s not fair is that we’ve cancelled plans a thousand times because you didn’t want to go out. Or I’ve had to hang out with our friends alone because you needed to stream. But the one time I can’t do something, I’m suddenly the bad guy?”

Kai didn’t know what to say. Shock coursed through him, hitting him like waves, battering him against the cliff of his boyfriend’s anger.

“I-,” Kai began, choking on the word, throat tight with his dissipating rage and growing despair. It was always in situations like this that he couldn’t find his voice, that it became physically impossible to respond, to speak up, to say whatever he needed to say to fix things.

But why hadn’t Nicholas ever said anything before, about all of the times Kai didn’t want to go out, didn’t want to do things?

It felt like something was lodged in his throat, something he had to push so hard to get past so that he could finally respond.

“It’s our anniversary, Nicky. I thought that it was different. ”

His soft words, his use of the nickname, it all seemed to deflate something in the other man. Nicholas was across the room in a heartbeat, hands on Kai’s shoulders, fingers holding him steady, and Kai finally, finally felt like he could breathe easier with their eyes locked on one another.

“It is different,” Nicholas said. “And I did want to go, Kai. I really did. But I just can’t take the time off right now. I’m sorry.” He pulled Kai into a hug, wrapping long arms around thin shoulders, resting his chin atop Kai’s head. Kai leaned into the embrace.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Kai mumbled, melting a little against Nicholas' chest.

“It’s okay,” Nicholas said, pulling back to look down at Kai again. He smiled, lips pressed tight, the expression not quite reaching his eyes. “We’ve both been stressed with work stuff. I’m sorry too.”

Nicholas pulled away, heading off down the hall to change out of his suit.

Kai felt his absence immediately, acutely.

They had apologized, but something still felt wrong.

Out of place, maybe a little cracked. Kai wasn’t sure what to say, what to do, to make that feeling go away.

He followed after his boyfriend, leaning against the doorframe when he reached their room.

The only light came from a small bedside lamp that Nicholas had flicked on, the rest of the room encased in shadow.

“Want to get takeout from the place on the corner?” It was Nicholas' favorite. If he had his way, they would order food from the little hole-in-the-wall diner every other night.

“Sure,” Nicholas said. He was turned away, searching through his dresser for a t-shirt.

Kai still wasn’t sure how he ever found anything with the way he shoved all of his clothes into the drawers haphazardly.

Only his work clothes got properly hung in their closet, his button up shirts and nice slacks, and only because Kai usually hung them there.

Kai moved across the room. He suddenly felt like he needed desperately to fix whatever was broken, was suddenly worried that something had wedged into the crack between them and if he didn’t dislodge it soon then they would be pushed even further apart.

“Nicky,” Kai said, right as the other man slipped on a wrinkled old t-shirt with their high school mascot holding a volleyball on the back. “Look at me.”

Nicholas finally did, and Kai could still see traces of hurt in his eyes, in the tightness around his mouth. Kai stepped in close.

“I really am sorry.”

Nicholas turned his head to the side, face falling slightly into shadow. He sighed, as if defeated.

“I know you are,” Nicholas finally said.

“I’m just tired. It was a long day, I had three more projects dumped onto my desk before I left.

Just…” Nicholas looked down as Kai reached out and grabbed his hand, pausing his words.

He smiled again, a slight tilt of his lips, and the expression made Kai feel a little better.

Like he’d managed to shift whatever it was that was wedged in between them.

“Just give me a few more minutes to decompress, okay?”

Kai nodded, squeezing the hand he still held. “I’ll go ahead and place our order. Same as always?”

Nicholas grinned, that same cocksure smile he’d always been known for. It made Kai’s heart raced hard, just like it always had. “Same as always.”

Pulling out his phone and searching for the restaurant’s number, Kai paused as he was leaving their room. He turned back, picking up the suit Nicholas had shed onto the floor and hanging it carefully in the closet.

“You know,” Kai said. He could hear Nicholas moving around behind him, probably still searching for a pair of shorts in his mess of a drawer. “You’re right. I really would rather just spend the weekend here at home with you.”

He smoothed out the suit jacket before shutting their closet and turning to face Nicholas, expecting to see a smile at the fact that he’d acknowledged that his boyfriend had been right about him.

Instead, Nicholas was watching him. His face was somewhat shadowed once again, and Kai couldn’t quite make out the expression there. Something soft, but maybe a little sad. It was gone in an instant, Nicholas flashing another grin.

“Come on,” he said. Kai moved to follow him out of the room. “I’m starving, let’s order!”

The words were cheerful. They didn’t seem forced. It was as though their argument really was already in the past, forgiven and forgotten.

Kai felt as though the wedge had slipped right back into place, and he couldn’t figure out why.