Page 37

Atticus watched as Kai moved above him, the night an exploding backlight as the meteor shower continued.

He could just barely make out the flush on Kai’s cheeks, could just barely see his parted mouth and the way his eyes would squeeze shut tight with every thrust downward of his hips.

Atticus could hardly think straight. It was all he could do to keep from cumming immediately at just the sight spread out before him.

He released his grip on one thigh, moving a hand to wrap it around Kai’s cock.

Kai grabbed his wrist. “Not yet,” he panted. He began to move faster, bouncing his hips downward again and again. Atticus wove their fingers together, held tight as Kai continued to move.

His instincts wanted him to sit up, to press closer and move against Kai, to give just as much as he was getting. But something about Kai making him just watch, about Kai putting on this show just for him, it had heat coiling low in Atticus in a way that felt new. Thrilling.

Atticus was getting close, and could no longer keep himself quiet.

Kai was wringing gasps and small moans from him with every movement, and soon Atticus could no longer hold still.

He thrust upward with his hips, meeting Kai harshly.

Kai rocked forward, bracing himself on Atticus’ chest, grip tightening to the point of pain.

“Do it again,” Kai breathed out, free hand tugging on Atticus’ waist.

Atticus thrust upward again, over and over, building a frantic rhythm between them. He fought to keep control of himself, fought to hold back. He knew he was getting close, could feel himself crashing toward his own release. But Kai…

“Touch me,” Kai finally said. “Now.”

Atticus didn’t hesitate. He wrapped his hand around the other man’s cock, moaning at the heat that met the skin of his palm.

He matched his strokes with every thrust of his hips.

Kai rocked into his touch, hips pressing down to meet Atticus over and over.

He threw his head back, the lines of his neck bared.

Atticus wanted to sink his teeth into the skin there, wanted to mark him up just how Kai had done to him.

“Kai, I’m close.” Atticus’ voice was shaky. He was barely holding on, and it took every ounce of focus to get the words out. He tried to sit up again, but Kai continued to hold him down.

“Don’t stop.” The words were punctuated by forceful thrusts, as Kai began to ride him even harder.

Atticus always had loved a challenge.

He didn’t let up, and it only took a couple more long strokes of his hand before Kai let out a choked cry, spilling onto Atticus’ stomach.

He clenched, and that was all it took to send Atticus over the edge as well.

Pleasure exploded within Atticus as he came, and he couldn’t just lay there anymore.

He pushed upward, breaking past Kai’s hold, pulling the other man into a tight embrace as he rocked through the aftershocks of his orgasm.

Kai tucked his face against Atticus’ shoulder, small gasps escaping him.

Atticus tangled a hand in the other man’s hair, holding him in place.

Kai’s arms were tucked between them, and after they both finally stilled one hand moved to Atticus’ face, pressing gently against his cheek before pushing his hair back from his forehead.

Atticus looked into Kai’s eyes as he leaned back, putting just enough space between them to see one another.

There wasn’t anything concerning there. No, the other man looked content.

Eyelids drooping, face still flushed, sweat dampening his skin and making the hair around his face stick.

Atticus could feel the mess between them growing sticky as it began to dry, knew he needed to move, needed to get them inside and cleaned up.

But having Kai in his lap, skin against hot skin, a small smile tilting up the corner of his lips as he watched Atticus intently…

Atticus didn’t want to let go. He wasn’t ready for this moment to pass.

He had wanted this, had wanted more , for so long, and it felt like he finally had it all in his grasp. Everything that he’d been wishing for.

The feelings building inside him, rising up in his chest…

he couldn’t keep fighting. He sat holding the man he’d fallen for over the course of a single night six months earlier, the sky above them lighting up to match the sparks in his veins.

And in that moment, Atticus realized that he was never going to be able to go back to how things had been between them before.

How they had been just days earlier. Close friends, nothing more.

Atticus knew what he wanted, had known for so long, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to just wanting in silence.

It terrified him. He had told Kai he would give him time, give him however long he needed. But the problem was that Atticus didn’t need any time. He had never needed time. And now the overflowing feelings in his chest were starting to hurt, starting to stab at him, demanding release.

Atticus’ arms around Kai tightened. The other man squeaked a little as he was squeezed, and Atticus chuckled at the sound, hiding the sting in his eyes as burning emotions that threatened to escape him.

“We should go inside,” Kai said, the words pressing into Atticus’ skin. “Get cleaned up.”

Atticus pulled back again, moved his hands to cup either side of Kai’s face. He kissed him once more, softly. Hardly more than a whisper of their lips together. Kai moved his hips so that Atticus was no longer inside him. The loss of that contact sent a shiver dancing across Atticus’ skin.

“Okay,” Atticus finally said. He was careful with his words, careful to keep his brain from letting something escape too soon. “Let’s go.”

With that, he flung a fully naked Kai over his shoulder, rising suddenly.

Kai yelped. “What the fuck!”

Atticus could only laugh.

Kai had an excellent view of Atticus Mills’ ass.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t really enjoy it all that much because he had no fucking clue what was happening.

“Put me down.” He beat a fist against Atticus’ back half-heartedly, before opening his palm wide and smacking down hard on one of the round cheeks beneath him. Atticus let out a shocked cry.

“Hey now,” he said, voice light and teasing as he flipped on a light in the kitchen and continued to pad softly through the house. “I don’t know if I’ll be up for another round so soon.”

“Put. Me. Down.”

“Just a second!”

Kai felt the arm holding him in place tighten around his midsection. He let himself flop against Atticus’ back with a groan. Atticus continued to walk around the house, as though he were searching for something.

“What are you doing ?” Kai grumbled.

Atticus paused, his torso turning from side to side as he gave the living room one more glance.

“I’m making sure we didn’t leave any glasses out this time. ”

Kai snickered. He could see the kitten curled up in one of her beds, watching them with bright eyes.

Atticus began to move again. They entered his room, and suddenly Kai was flying through the air, eyes wide and limbs splayed. He landed with an oomph on the bed, half the wind knocked out of him. Atticus left the room, and Kai could hear him turn on the sink in the bathroom.

It was a little chilly. Kai tried to scurry under the blanket. He was still fully nude, and he longed for the hoodie he’d left outside on the blanket. A memory of the way Atticus had looked at him as he’d pulled it off, soft desire burning in his eyes, made his stomach flip-flop.

“Don’t get under there yet!” Atticus whipped the blanket off of Kai.

“It’s cold!”

A warm washcloth landed in Kai’s lap.

“Clean yourself up first before you get my bed all messy.”

Kai obeyed as Atticus crawled into the bed with him. He tossed the washcloth toward the hamper in the corner, fixed his eyes on the man next to him, before reaching out to poke at one of the bruises forming on Atticus’ neck.

“Ow!” Atticus smacked his hand away. “What was that for?”

Kai could feel a smirk tugging at his lips. “They look good on you.”

Atticus grinned, but Kai could see the faint blush there high on his cheeks. “It’s not really fair,” he said, voice slipping back into something low, something promising. A hand came up to caress Kai’s neck, making his skin pebble. “Not a mark on you.”

Kai held still as Atticus leaned in, pressing soft lips against the skin he’d just touched. It only lasted a moment before he pulled back, looking Kai in the eye, a gentle smile tilting his lips up .

“I love kissing you.”

A tiny laugh escaped Kai, even as his mind snagged on the words. He pushed the slight unease aside. “You’re cheesy.”

“You like it,” Atticus said. He poked Kai in the side. “Admit it.” Kai shook his head, hair tickling his face as it whipped back and forth.

Atticus narrowed his eyes before tackling Kai back onto the bed. Kai couldn’t hold back any longer, laughter escaping him as he was held down.

“You’re the most stubborn person I know,” Atticus said, looking down at Kai with a soft expression that didn’t quite match his teasing words. Kai’s laughter trailed off as they held each other’s gaze. He lifted his head, one hand reaching up to gently tug Atticus down to him.

Their lips met, moving softly together. Kai let himself drink Atticus in, let himself get lost in the kiss.

It wasn’t heated, not like how things had been outside.

There was no desperation in their movements, in the way their hands carefully explored.

Atticus’ fingers brushed down Kai’s ribs, palm sliding along his thigh up to his bent knee, cupping his calf. Kai shivered at the contact.

They didn’t escalate, didn’t let things go any further. Kai could feel sleep beginning to tug at him. Atticus broke the kiss, pulling back as his thumb brushed across Kai’s cheek before tucking some hair behind his ear.

And then Kai let himself be manhandled. Atticus adjusted them so that they were both tucked in under the covers, shifting to find just the right position, making sure to ask if Kai was comfortable several times, before he finally flicked off the bedside lamp.

Kai was pulled tight against him, their legs tangled together.

Every breath Atticus took pushed his chest against Kai’s back, and the steady rhythm was lulling him closer and closer to sleep.

“You still awake?” Atticus’ voice was soft, a mere whisper in the dark. Kai let out a small, affirmative sound.

“I need to tell you something.” That same voice had somehow grown even quieter, something so unusual that Kai was suddenly fully awake.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Atticus continued.

Each time he breathed, it was a warm brush against Kai’s neck.

“I don’t like keeping things in. I never have.

But with you, I feel like I’ve been keeping this big secret for so long.

Since the day I met you. Only, I don’t think I’m doing all that good of a job at keeping it a secret.

I think I’ve said it a million ways already except for the one that counts the most.”

He paused, letting out a shaky breath. Kai had gone completely still, afraid to even breathe.

He knew where this was headed, knew what Atticus was going to tell him.

His mind screamed to stop him, to pull away, to make any excuse to keep him from saying more.

But he couldn’t. Kai couldn’t bring himself to utter even a single word, and so Atticus continued.

“I wasn’t going to say it out loud, even though I’ve been saying it in my head for so long. But tonight… tonight felt so different, Kai. And I feel like I’m betraying a part of myself if I keep quiet any longer.”

A long pause fell over them. Kai prayed that Atticus wouldn’t keep going, that maybe he had fallen asleep.

“I love you.”

Kai fought to keep his breathing steady, to keep his body from revealing just how much he wanted to run, to crawl out of the bed and hide away.

Every place that their skin touched felt like it burned, like he was being seared by the weight of the confession.

The blanket was suddenly too heavy, too suffocating.

Atticus loved him. And Kai was not ready for that.

His thoughts raced as the seconds ticked away, as Atticus continued to hold him tight.

Kai could feel the other man holding his breath, waiting for any indication of where Kai’s mind was.

But Kai didn’t want to let him see into his shattered and dark places.

Not tonight. Not after what they’d done outside, after everything Atticus had just said.

Kai wanted to give him one more night. One more night before he showed that his broken pieces couldn’t be put back together.

“I know,” Kai finally whispered. It was true. Kai had known for a long time, since that night, months prior, when he’d received a drunken text that Atticus didn’t seem to remember sending. He’d maybe even known before then.

Atticus had loved him from the beginning, and Kai had always been too damaged to love him back.

His answer seemed to be enough for Atticus, who shifted to hold Kai closer, tucking his face against Kai’s neck, pressing a light kiss there. Atticus’ breaths evened out in a matter of seconds as sleep took him.

Kai lay awake as the hours crept by. He had told Atticus he would think about it all, think about where things were going with them. But the way the confession made him feel, the terror that filled him at the thought of Atticus wanting more than Kai was able to give, that was his answer, wasn’t it?

Haunted by his past, by the life he had wanted with everything he had, only to have it ripped away.

Full of jagged edges that stabbed through his skin, threatening now to slice the man next to him.

Kai had only ever been meant to hurt Atticus, to hurt anyone who tried to love him.

Because Kai was broken, too sad and angry and scared to ever do anything but cause pain.

He lay awake as the night slipped away, letting himself be held one last time.