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Would it be so bad if he just blurted out the words he wanted to say?

The last few days had proved to him, to both of them, that there was more between them than they’d been willing to admit.

And it wasn’t just physical. Atticus wanted the life he had in this moment.

He wanted the regular bits, the moments with Kai that piled together and built up to all the other exciting stuff.

He wanted to walk the farmer’s market every weekend, hand in hand, sharing soft grins and boring conversation.

He wanted to curl up on the couch together, to fall asleep with the television still playing.

He wanted to make coffee in the morning, to watch as Kai stumbled into the room with messy hair and a grumpy expression.

He wanted a life with Kai.

Atticus had thought that he would be okay with just getting a taste of it.

A week together where he could drink his fill and then go back to how things had been before.

But he’d been wrong. Because all of this?

It only served to make him want more. And he wasn’t sure he could go back to just ignoring it.

Atticus leaned back against a fence post. He let himself focus on the light breeze, on the way it cooled his heated skin and blew through his hair. He waited, watching the crowd, searching for the face he most wanted to see above all others.

Kai popped out of the throngs of people as suddenly as he’d disappeared. He was carrying something large, fabric of some sort folded in his arms .

“I saw this earlier,” he said, coming to a halt in front of Atticus. He fumbled with the bundle for a moment before raising his arms high and shaking it out.

It was probably the ugliest blanket Atticus had ever seen.

The woven colors were a hodgepodge of muted neutrals, browns and grays and tans. A green in the background that was decidedly off-putting. But the best part was the fact that the entire thing was covered in cats. Misshapen, hideous, wonderful cats.

Kai lowered his arms as Atticus burst into laughter, peeking out from behind the blanket.

“Why?” Atticus asked between his giggles. Kai glanced down at the blanket briefly before grinning back at Atticus.

“For the meteor shower,” he said, his words matter-of-fact. “So we don’t have to lay on the grass.”

“I have extra blankets,” Atticus said, reaching out to grab onto the material so he could examine it closer. It was well made, obvious care put into it. But it was really fucking hideous.

“I like this one,” Kai said with a shrug as he started folding it back up. They began to make their way back toward the car.

“I guess that’s all that matters,” Atticus said, earning a nod from Kai. As they loaded their purchases into the trunk, he couldn’t help but wonder if Kai would continue to fill his house with hideous things.

Atticus sort of thought that he wouldn’t mind it, not at all.

They made lunch together, fancy salads filled with the fresh produce Atticus had picked out that morning. They moved around the kitchen together seamlessly, Kai washing the vegetables, handing them off for Atticus to prep them .

It was so easy. Comfortable. Even when they weren’t talking, Atticus couldn’t help but think that it all felt so right.

They ate mostly in silence. The kitten danced around the pot of cat grass Kai had gotten her, unsure at first what it meant and what she was supposed to do.

Atticus jumped up the moment she began to push at the pot, attempting to knock it from the end table he’d placed it on.

Kai snickered as he sat the plant on the floor.

“Still not used to her destructive ways,” Atticus grumbled as he sat back down. Kai only nodded, smiling softly at his nearly empty bowl before speaking.

“What are you doing this afternoon?”

Atticus shrugged. “Don’t know. Coach gave us the day off to rest up. Kind of feels like a good day to be lazy. When’s your stream?”

“This evening. It’ll be a long one but I should be done before the meteor shower is supposed to start.”

Tightness gripped Atticus’ chest, knowing that Kai was planning to spend that time with him, that it was important to him at least a little bit.

“Let’s be lazy then! I’ll open the windows, get some fresh air in here, and we can sit on the couch and not move until we have to.”

Kai nodded again as he chewed his bottom lip. Atticus could tell he was fighting back a full grin. “Okay,” he finally said, and Atticus clapped his hands together.

Kai washed their dishes while Atticus made good on his word, opening all the windows in the main room.

Crisp, spring air began to flow through the house.

Atticus watched as Kai pushed hair out of his face, a few pieces having escaped the bun at the nape of his neck, only for the slight breeze to blow them right back into his face.

He sighed, face pinched with exasperation, cheeks and nose just a bit red from the morning sun, gaze intent on the dish in his hands as he scrubbed it clean.

Atticus pictured himself walking up behind Kai, wrapping his arms around his small waist, pressing his chest to the other man’s back. Leaning in to brush a faint kiss against sunburned skin.

It felt too intimate. Too big. It felt like the sort of thing that meant more, more than anything they’d done together in the past few days.

Phone sex? Easy, exciting, harmless. It was the small things, the slight touches, the thoughtless kisses, the things that piled together to mean something more, those were the things that were hard, that were scary.

Those were the things Atticus wanted most.

It felt like they were still just out of reach. Like Kai was still just out of reach.

“Want to watch something?” Atticus asked as they settled onto the couch. The kitten jumped up immediately, settling herself into his lap, turning into a ball of vibrating fluff as her purring grew loud with contentment.

Kai grabbed the remote out of Atticus’ hand, immediately flicking through their options. He stopped on one, turning to face Atticus. His knees brushed Atticus’ thigh.

“You didn’t finish Trigun ?”

Atticus shrugged, glancing at the television. He’d apparently stopped on episode seventeen.

“I don’t finish anything.”

Kai looked at him, long and hard, those amber eyes piercing deep.

Atticus hadn’t meant anything more with his answer.

He didn’t finish watching most shows anymore, usually too distracted to pay attention properly.

Too ready to move on to something else, something different.

But the way Kai was watching him, the slight furrow to his brow, the way his lips pulled into a line, Atticus could tell that Kai was thinking hard about what he’d said.

Atticus could see it too. Could see the reflection there in his own life. The way he had never taken any of his past relationships seriously. The way he had moved from one hook-up to the next, always looking for something more exciting.

But he didn’t do that anymore. He hadn’t in a long time.

“Let’s finish it,” he said, snatching the remote back. “It’s a classic right? You’ve watched it?”

Kai nodded, turning away from Atticus and settling back into the couch.

They were sitting close, not quite touching.

Atticus fought back the urge to reach out and pull the other man to him.

He was giving Kai space to think about what they were, and this time there wasn’t a phone screen and dozens of miles separating them.

Atticus wanted to let Kai come to him now.

Not just for Kai’s sake, but because sometimes it was nice to be reached out to.

Atticus had been reaching out for so long, and he desperately wanted to be the one on the receiving end for a change.

They were half an episode in when he got his wish. Kai leaned over, resting gently against Atticus’ side. He lifted his arm so the they could be closer, settling it carefully around Kai’s shoulders. It made him feel warm inside, made it feel like things really could fall into place.

The afternoon slipped by, the sun slowly sinking, coming in through the open windows, setting a golden glow off across the room.

They stayed there together, cuddled up on the couch, watching the show.

At one point, Kai wordlessly leaned forward, grabbing the box of tissues so Atticus wouldn’t have to move and dislodge their furry companion from his lap.

He blew his nose loud, sniffling as tears stung his eyes.

“You could have warned me it was gonna make me cry,” he whispered. Kai swiped at his own cheek, brushing away a tear.

“It’s better if you don’t know when the sad parts are coming,” he replied, voice soft.

It wasn’t much longer before they finished the final episode, sitting in silence for a moment as the credits rolled.

“I liked it,” Atticus finally said, tilting his head as a thought came to mind. “We could call her Milly.” He poked the kitten, who was now sprawled across both of them. Her tail flicked toward his hand.

Kai made a face of distaste. “No.”

Atticus shoved him a little. “Why not!”

“It doesn’t fit her personality.”

Atticus laughed. “First you said she can’t have a boy name, so I pick a girl name, but you don’t like that either. I think I’m giving up.”

Kai frowned, side-eyeing Atticus. “We’ll think of something.”

We. Atticus tugged Kai closer, noting his drooping eyelids and sleepy expression. He shifted so that his legs were on the couch as well, pulling Kai back against his chest, their limbs tangling together.

“Nap time,” he said. Maybe it was too much, maybe it was too normal, maybe he didn’t care after they’d just cried together over an anime.

But Kai didn’t resist, settling against Atticus’ chest, tucking in and closing his eyes.

Dissatisfied with all of the movement, the kitten rose, stretching for several long seconds before moving to settle at their feet.

Atticus kept his arms around Kai, holding him close. Holding on to whatever he could, praying it wouldn’t slip away as he finally drifted off to sleep.